Angry with teacher

[CleverQuacks]

I am really angry with my sons year 5 teacher and need some guidance. My son does kickboxing and as part of his grading he has to get a tick box form completed by his teacher to say that he is behaving / being respectful / not hurting others. This is one a4 piece of paper with 4 tick box questions so not a huge piece of work. My son took the form in on Monday and needed it for kickboxing tonight. He has asked several times during the week and always told he will get it later so when he came out of school this afternoon without the form I went back into the class and asked for the form (in what I think was a polite manner). The teacher did a big sigh and asked "does it have to be right this minute" I replied that I was happy to wait but needed it for tonight's class.

She then filled in the form and wrote lots of negative things about my sons behaviour, stating he was disrespectful and does not do enough reading at home. This is the first time I have heard any of these complaints about my son, we had parents evening before last half term and it was all positive so I was very shocked by what she had written. Am I wrong to think these concerns should have been raised with me sooner? I pick my son up everyday from school so it wouldn't have been hard for her to grab me at the end of the day for a chat.

My son is now upset that he probably won't get his grading and I feel it's completely unfair because if she had raised it with me sooner we could have got it all sorted before it became a big problem.

AIBU?

[BikeRunSki]

Re reading at home: DS swims with a club. Only twice a week, but the coaches are always keen to make sure that the sport is not encroaching on school work. Although the way this is policed is very informal/chat with parents, no forms. They ask you to cut for. On training if school work is suffering.

[mrz]

I would mention not reading at home if I felt his education was suffering because he was too tired

[mrz]

As I said earlier I've had pupils in the past who rarely read at home and were too tired in class to concentrate on lessons because of sports clubs

[user789653241]

But mrz, I don't think mention reading does achieve anything. They would be interested about behaviour, but not about academics. Writing on the form and not talking to the parent who was right there, doesn't achieve anything.

[mrz]

Then perhaps they should be

[ErnesttheBavarian]

OP, sorry if I have missed it, but how did your ds do in his grading? I really think the teacher was totally out of order, and I too would be angry.

In your case, I would make an appointment in January to discuss. I think before Christmas, it is all too fraught in school, and the issue isn't urgent. However, I would definitely want a clear, calm conversation outlining why you are upset with her, why you would appreciate it if she raised issues with your ds in a timely and clear and direct manner, it almost seems PA and vindictive to have raised it via a bloody kick boxing form fgs.

And yes, then have a good convo with your ds about his work and behaviour in school. But you can only support the school if you actually know about any issues in the first place. And even then, as you're not sitting with him in school, there's a limit to what you can do anyway.

Let us know! I really feel for you.

[user789653241]

Why? You were saying signing form for outside of school stuff is not in teachers' job description. Worrying about academics is not in martial arts instructors' job description. It's up to each instructors' conscience.

[mrz]

Is that to me Irvine?

[user789653241]

yes. slow typing, you know!

[mrz]

I said I would complete the form but it might not be in the OPs timescale as its a very busy time in schools (and it wouldn't be my first priority to even look at it never mind complete)

And I can't imagine not reading at home is news to the OP

[NoSunNoMoon]

If you ask teachers to do things outside their job description then you have to accept they will do it in a way they see fit. The teacher didn't want to lie about the DC's behaviour. Why should she?

[thatdearoctopus]

Might have missed this, but have we been told anywhere exactly what these questions on the form were asking? Because without that knowledge we're all just guessing as to how unreasonable the teacher may or may not have been to mention reading.
If, for example, she had been asked if he showed evidence of self-discipline and personal organisation, then that might be what she was getting at.

[mrz]

No we don't know what the questions were and only have half a story

[Devilishpyjamas]

It doesn't really matter what the questions were. They only required ticks, not explanations/comments. If the teacher felt she couldn't tick them it would have been kinder to just refuse to do it. (Especially as this is all news to OP). Banging on about reading at home in year 5 is a bit odd as well. Surely by that age kids are just reading when they want (& if they can't there are bigger problems - not to be brought up on a tick box form).

[Sirzy]

The question could have been "does he complete his homework" - if the only bit he doesn't do is reading then surely it's better to specify that than just say no which would make it seem worse (but still be true)

[ErnesttheBavarian]

I can't imagine any martial arts trainer gives a shit about how much a kid reads or doesn't read.

And if teacher was so pushed for time she could have just ticked the boxes not wasted precious time and energy ranting to an unknown about the ds, instead of having a constructive word with the mother.

[user789653241]

So, how did it go OP? Did he manage to do grading?

[mrz]

Yet you expect teachers to care about the martial arts club ...double standards perhaps!

[thatdearoctopus]

I wouldn't "just tick the boxes" if I didn't agree with the statements. And as we've said, to not tick them, opens a whole can of worms. As would refusing to fill in the form at all.

I have to say that this sort of shit is why my head teacher wouldn't allow us to engage with such forms. We don't do passport forms either, to avoid the sort of crap that a poster above mentioned. It ought to be a simple, easy, friendly thing to do, but as always, some people take it too far by being entitled and demanding about it, and so people/schools stop obliging.

[user789653241]

As for me, No, I wouldn't expect teachers to care about anything else rather than school work after this thread. But I know for fact, that some teachers actually involved enough with their pupils life to care about it anyway.

[Devilishpyjamas]

I don't think the martial arts club should even involve school - especially as martial arts training might make a real difference to someone struggling at school & this would just put them off. But the teacher has made it a big thing - when all she had to to is tick some boxes (does she really think she should be preventing someone getting a grading?).

I'd be more concerned that the OP had no idea her son's behaviour was so bad. Especially as it's just after a parents evening.

[thatdearoctopus]

If you're all expecting the teacher to just tick the boxes anyway, regardless of the child's behaviour (in other words, lie about it just so he can get his grading, even if it would be undeserved), then it rather defeats the object of having the form in the first place. Meaningless.

[Clavinova]

The teacher has accused the boy of being 'disrespectful' - how has she modelled the behaviour she would like by being outwardly rude to his mother?

[NoSunNoMoon]

How is the teacher being disrespectful? OP certainly was by going in and demanding the form was done there and then.

[thatdearoctopus]

Well, that's not the point really, is it?
If kickboxing requires respectful behaviour and the boy is not exhibiting it, then it's fair enough for the teacher to mention it on the form.

Whether or not the teacher spoke appropriately is not really for us to say, as none of us was here to witness it.