Angry with teacher

[CleverQuacks]

I am really angry with my sons year 5 teacher and need some guidance. My son does kickboxing and as part of his grading he has to get a tick box form completed by his teacher to say that he is behaving / being respectful / not hurting others. This is one a4 piece of paper with 4 tick box questions so not a huge piece of work. My son took the form in on Monday and needed it for kickboxing tonight. He has asked several times during the week and always told he will get it later so when he came out of school this afternoon without the form I went back into the class and asked for the form (in what I think was a polite manner). The teacher did a big sigh and asked "does it have to be right this minute" I replied that I was happy to wait but needed it for tonight's class.

She then filled in the form and wrote lots of negative things about my sons behaviour, stating he was disrespectful and does not do enough reading at home. This is the first time I have heard any of these complaints about my son, we had parents evening before last half term and it was all positive so I was very shocked by what she had written. Am I wrong to think these concerns should have been raised with me sooner? I pick my son up everyday from school so it wouldn't have been hard for her to grab me at the end of the day for a chat.

My son is now upset that he probably won't get his grading and I feel it's completely unfair because if she had raised it with me sooner we could have got it all sorted before it became a big problem.

AIBU?

One morning I was asked to complete FOUR passport applications ( two children, herself and her husband to be!)-which i don't mind doing as some people do lack anyone qualified to complete them. But I was a little when the parent asked to collect them at lunchtime as she was going to the post office in the afternoon! Quite when I was expected to find the time to complete them ( or indeed pop home first to find my own passport-needed for the passport number_ I was not too sure!

I've done passports before too. Obviously schools do them for free. We're the mugs. GPs charge.

Why do you assume it was out of spite? Maybe had asked her at an impropriate time, not given her the whole week to do so or explained the deadline , or she had been trying to manage his behaviour. Did he pass btw?

Teachers, I don't expect anyone to do something extra for free, I would appreciate it and do thank them with small gifts.

Crumbs1 , actually, I would do be happy to do it.

Her reluctance to sign it may have been because she felt she did not have a lot of positive things to say about his behaviour. So she was trying to avoid doing it. Since you pushed, she had no choice.

I do find it odd that she never raised her concerns about his behaviour before. His behaviour must be notably poor otherwise she would not feel compelled to reveal that it is beyond the normal active behaviour from school kids.

At his age, he should know better. Being disrespectful is never okay.

I'd be annoyed with my son too if he was behaving badly but surely this isn't the way to raise an issue? Either any behavioural issues are low level enough that the teacher didn't need to contact you first or they were serious in which case she should be asking to talk to you!

I also wonder if the teacher waited all week to see if knowing what was needed for the form he improved his behaviour?

Can you email the teacher and ask why she hadn't mentioned his behaviour before at parents evening and why she's left it till he needed the form completing to highlight his negative points

I think the teacher should have been more proactive especially if she had a week to complete the form. To be honest when I was at school teachers used to go above and beyond which made me the person I am today. There was one teacher who hated me for no particular reason and tried to keep me from doing a higher test paper at gcse but I went myself to the head of department and said test me! And proved to them I should take a higher paper and ended up with a B in maths.. But I think you need to contact the school tell them the situation why you weren't made aware. At the end of the day it's your child do what needs to be done ! X

Irvine I would be happy to complete a form when I had time to do it ...it might not be within the timescale the OP expected however. This time of year is exceedingly busy in schools and somethings just get left until after nativities and parties and carol concerts and urgent paperwork.

Do I report every behavioural incident to parents ...no!

Mrz and other teachers who may have read my first post, I am sorry, for saying teacher is out of order.
I think I have overreacted since I know how grading go in martial arts, and my ds would have put so much effort into it building up to the day of grading.
It was very thoughtless of me to say those things, without knowing whole circumstances of the teacher.

Your son's kickboxing school should not be expecting the teacher to do extra work for them.

Your son should also expect that if he handed the teacher a form that asked about his behaviour, that he needs to actually behave himself in order for it to be done.

If the teacher had a problem with your son's behaviour, she should have discussed it with him and with you right away. If it was serious, she could have told him she was sorry but she could't in good conscience sign the form, until the behaviour improved. It only takes a moment to tick 4 boxes on a form- not comparable to signing a passport form.

The teacher was spiteful.

Well, imo YANBU OP. I am a teacher and I wouldn't mind doing this at all. However, this time of year, as others have mentioned, is totally mad and stressy, and I have moaned also about colleagues who couldn't tick 5 boxes on doodle! But some people feel the stress more or are under more stress due to covering staff sickness etc and it is pretty overwhelming.

However, as a parent, it is insanely annoying for teachers to have problems with your dc and them not raise it with you. Like you said, if you knew, then you could do something about it and actually support the school and address your son's behaviour. You can't do anything if you don't know.

I have 2 older teens. 1 of them is working his way through the "How to be an Outrageously Rebellious Teen" tick list. Quite successfully . I go to a PA, and I hear all manner of hair raising things he's been up to (or not) and while a huge part of me is fuming with ds for being such a bloody nightmare, a huge part of me is also thinking well wtf would you wait until December when there have been issues (that I am completely unaware of) since September? Nearly 4 months! It takes a minute to write an email or pick up the phone.

Like you OP, I am totally supportive of the school. I know unfortunately that my son can be amazing, or a total nightmare depending on his mood. But if the parent knows nothing, then you can't be supportive.

Sorry, that was a bit of a rant! OP; I hope that despite her comments, your son gets his grade in Kick Boxing. And maybe the club needs to rethink its system. I get what they are trying to achieve, but a kid can be very difficult in school and highly motivated in sport, and it would be a shame for them to not succeed because of this.

Would you report every incident to parents or deal with most things as part of your professional responsibility? I wouldn't contract parents unless it became a major concern and would monitor isolated incidents. On Friday a group of my boys, no doubt hyped by elves on shelves and the whole Christmas excitement were involved in physically rough play at lunchtime. They were told it wasn't acceptable and the consequences if it should be repeated. One was disrespectful but later apologised. Dealt with!
Now I know two of those involved attend clubs (boxing and taekwondo ) so if specifically asked about this behaviour ...should I report or not?

YANBU.

If the teacher had a problem with your DS she should have spoken to you then and there, while she could, rather than just filling the form in like that.

Now she's created more work for herself while she has a more formal meeting with you.

And destroyed her relationship with your son - which impacts negatively on her.

And destroyed her relationship with you - which impacts negatively on her.

When all she had to do was talk to you, while you were there, before filling in a form.

Yes, you should, mrz. I would expect you to tell the truth.

Not RTFT - but the reason why martial arts sometimes do this is to stress to the children that they should only be using the fighting skills in the appropriate environment (I.e. Not kickboxing the crap out of his friends every lunchtime).

They really don't care about reading/sitting quietly whatever - and the teacher was mean and misguided to use this as some kind of 'score settling' IMO.

Was that q open or for me mrz?

Open

And perhaps that is what the OPs son's teacher did Irvine?

Maybe thevteacher's rekuctance was because she knew she'd write stuff you didn't want to hear. Maybe she was working on your son's behaviour at school, maybe this behaviour was quite recent. Maybe she's really busy with the end of term, Christmas performances. Maybe she already had passport 3 applications to do. Maybe she's got her own family commitments. Maybe she knows that it's not just 4 tick boxes, but also the thought and consideration that goes into the ticks/crosses and additional space for answers.

I think that you need to be annoyed with your son, it is his bad behaviour that has caused this problem. YANBU to be annoyed but YABU to be annoyed with the teacher. She was probably managing his behaviour in class before talking to you. As for not reading enough at home, well that's down to you isn't it, it's your responsibility to encourage it.
Both my DC do martial arts and they have strict rules for behaviour outside of the coaching.

YANBU. If there's a problem in class I'd expect to hear about it from the teacher directly. Bringing it up in a form for martial arts is mean and unnecessary. You put the request in and if the teacher didn't want to participate she should have said no.

OP-have you name changed? Getting very confusing!