Angry with teacher

[CleverQuacks]

I am really angry with my sons year 5 teacher and need some guidance. My son does kickboxing and as part of his grading he has to get a tick box form completed by his teacher to say that he is behaving / being respectful / not hurting others. This is one a4 piece of paper with 4 tick box questions so not a huge piece of work. My son took the form in on Monday and needed it for kickboxing tonight. He has asked several times during the week and always told he will get it later so when he came out of school this afternoon without the form I went back into the class and asked for the form (in what I think was a polite manner). The teacher did a big sigh and asked "does it have to be right this minute" I replied that I was happy to wait but needed it for tonight's class.

She then filled in the form and wrote lots of negative things about my sons behaviour, stating he was disrespectful and does not do enough reading at home. This is the first time I have heard any of these complaints about my son, we had parents evening before last half term and it was all positive so I was very shocked by what she had written. Am I wrong to think these concerns should have been raised with me sooner? I pick my son up everyday from school so it wouldn't have been hard for her to grab me at the end of the day for a chat.

My son is now upset that he probably won't get his grading and I feel it's completely unfair because if she had raised it with me sooner we could have got it all sorted before it became a big problem.

AIBU?

[mrz]

Has the teacher "vented" or has she simply stated he can be disrespectful and doesn't read enough at home?

[user789653241]

Mrz, do you really believe every teacher has good explanation behind their actions?

[Rockpebblestone]

Well, I doubt it, since some teachers still don't believe in teaching phonics, irvine...

[Devilishpyjamas]

What has reading at home got to do with kickboxing?

I'd be cross as well OP (although it seems a crazy thing for the kickboxing club to do - they should just focus on the club - particularly for the kids who struggle in school but might begin to understand discipline & self control in the very different environment of a martial art gym).

[mrz]

No Irvine I think there are some teachers who shouldn't be near a classroom but I prefer to make informed judgements based on full facts.

[Shurelyshomemistake]

Good grief. All this hallowed teacher who cannot spare 20 seconds nonsense. Of course you're not being unreasonable OP! Tick box, yes/no, takes what, 10 seconds???? I give plenty extra in my job despite working 40hpw yet being paid 30. It's just what professionals do. All this 'you were unreasonable to even think of giving the form to the teacher' Bollix. Dear God.

[thatdearoctopus]

Shurely, I refer you back to my "Can you just?" post of 2.30pm. You've clearly never been near the average primary school at this time of year. It's insane, and an accusation doubting a teacher's professionalism when many of us are close to breaking point is just adding to the massive problem that is brewing in schools today.

This time next year, some of you will be looking back ruefully at the days when your child had a fully-qualified teacher in front of them at all, let alone nit-picking about some shitty form-filling that is nothing to do with the school anyway.

[thatdearoctopus]

And most teachers dream of "only" doing a 40 hour week.

[Devilishpyjamas]

But 4 ticks? She didn't have to write anything. I have plenty of 'can you just' (s) in my life. I'd love it to be 4 ticks one (& I have previously worked as a teacher).

[MidniteScribbler]

It's about the difference in respect between some careers (doctor, lawyer) and teachers. No one would think of going to their lawyer and asking them to fill out a form without expecting to pay. But parents, and in this case, a sporting club which has no affiliation to the school, expect the teacher to spend their own time filling out a form. One child, one form, 15 minutes may not seem like a lot, but multiply it by 30 in a class, and that's a lot of time to be spending on things that really have nothing to do with the teacher.

If my DS was involved in a sporting club that was demanding my child's teacher get involved in a sport that was nothing to do with the school, then I'd tell them that I'm paying them for lessons, not the teacher, and they need to do their own assessments of his behaviour in lessons, not his behaviour in school. The sporting club doesn't get to decide that teachers have spare time to be filling in forms and should stay out of school matters.

[user789653241]

I thought about why this went so wrong. I think it's a lot to do with misunderstanding.

1: OP should have taken in form herself, explained to the teacher properly why/when it's needed instead of just let her ds bring it in. He may not have explained properly. Also teacher could have told OP if his behaviour was not good enough, she has no choice but to tell the truth.
2: She may have become increasingly irritated by the fact he was asking her to sign the form stating his good behaviour while he was being disrespectful.

1. If OP's ds didn't explain the importance of the form, she may not have realised that it needed to be done by Friday, and Mum came and expected it to be done, on end of Friday, when the teacher just wanted to finish long week of work and just go home.
   

4: Whatever else there is.

I still think she was a bit mean, but tbh, I think OP should have taken the form in herself, and Ds should have realised the concequence of his action.

[yellowpostitnote]

As a teacher I'd have either

a) filled out the form positively, knowing that actually, the martial arts achievement would probably help suppprt behaviour by raising self esteem, or

b) spoken to parents and left it up to the to decide if it was worth 'failing' the form to teach him about good behaviour everywhere or to tackle as a separate issue unrelated to school.

[CleverQuacks]

Yellowpostitnote that is exactly what I would have wanted her to do. If she had come to me when the form was handed in and explained about his behaviour I would have been completely in support of her answering honestly about the issues he was having. The fact she didn't speak to me - not even after completing the form - is what is making me angry.

[thatdearoctopus]

But it's not just 4 ticks is it? The form was basically asking for the teacher's opinion on the child's behaviour (with regard to self-discipline I presume) in school. It seems there's some issue there, and so it wasn't just as simple as putting 4 quick ticks to say "fine." She presumably thought, "you know what, this chappie isn't all that, acually," but to leave a section blank is quite a statement and probably required clarification (although I'm not getting the relevance of mentioning reading either). Then she has to decide whether she really wants a conversation with Mum about it at this point in the term, when it could open a whole can of worms and might just be down to over-excitement/exhaustion and sort itself out in January. So, she puts the form to one side to think about it for a bit and come back to it, except that with it being December in a primary school, she's up to her eyes in things and completely forgets.

So it's not as simple as all that, actually.

[MrsMcMoo]

She sounds spiteful. Teachers are not some special breed of human who are exempt from favouritism and meanness. I was bullied by a few teachers. My daughter was bullied by a teacher. I stood up to her and she stopped.

[Devilishpyjamas]

It was 4 ticks octopus. No writing required. The teacher chose to write her comments in the margin.

[thatdearoctopus]

I know that. My point was that if she didn't want to put a tick in every box, then it left a gap which would raise questions and lead to further clarification.

[Devilishpyjamas]

Maybe she should have just refused to do it and he could have asked someone else in the school?

[MidniteScribbler]

I think it's particularly telling that the OP is focusing her anger on the teacher, instead of the son's behaviour that caused him to fail his grading.

[CleverQuacks]

Midnitescribbler I have said several times that my sons behaviour will be dealt with and I will be working closely with the school to ensure there is an improvement. Something I could have done much sooner if I had been made aware of the issue!

[Shurelyshomemistake]

I know teachers work very very very hard and I wasn't casting doubt on their professionalism. But it's ridiculous to say that she was so run ragged she couldn't fill in the tick boxes. She apparently spent time writing in the margin at some length. Could just have ticked yes/no and scheduled meeting with parents after Christmas to discuss behavioural stuff. The idea that asking someone to fill in a form is disrespectful. Nope. Just say no sorry not this time, I am too busy, if it's a problem. It's not a crime or at all unreasonable to ask. There is no ultimate pariah profession. Lots of people work very very hard to keep heads afloat. And it is totally crap of the teacher to make surprising and unexpected comments in this way. That's what parent consults are for.

[WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn]

Just tick the boxes and sign. I reckon I could do that in 5 seconds.

[WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn]

And every job in the world has people asking you do do something when you are doing something else. Could you just quickly serve this customer, could you just read through this document, could you just clear that spilt drink, could you just give this baby their antibiotics are ones I have heard in my jobs so far. You just do it don't you? I reckon 5 days for a could you just is a luxury.

[WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn]

Next time tick the boxes and sign yourself OP! No one would know!

[corythatwas]

mrz Sun 11-Dec-16 17:02:34
"Has the teacher "vented" or has she simply stated he can be disrespectful and doesn't read enough at home?"

But why would you put that information about his reading at home on a questionnaire which is about sport and which does not ask for that information? (as the OP has told us) They wanted to know about his behaviour (for obvious safety reasons), not about his reading.

As for Midnitescribbler's point, I teach 50 students on a pt contract, most of my colleagues teach 1-200, and we'd still do this sort of thing as a matter of course. Unlikely that all 50 are going to turn up and ask for a reference in any given week. Anyway, if I was busy- wouldn't it make sense to say so, rather than waste more time providing information nobody had requested. If you are dissatisfied with the boy's reading, why not tell the boy or his mother- the kickboxing course are hardly going to be interested.