Permanent Exclusion at Six years of age.

[HoundoftheBaskervilles]

I don't want to be writing this, I can't believe I've got here, but i need the help of the women on this board.

My daughter is six years old, I have her and a DS (who is the World's most, gentle and biddable child), DD is different, has been volatile from starting school (she was fine at pre-school).

From the age of four DD has been angry, (she's the youngest in the year, August born, and whilst I think this is contributory I don't think it's causal), she started school early and I think I may have made a mistake at putting her on the school bus as a young four year old, but, we live rurally and DH works away & I (despite repeated efforts, have yet to pass my driving test - it was expedient at the time) The first school she went to, she wigged out on the school bus, attacked other children, it wasn't great. I'm trying to precis here, but the school handled it badly, they kept putting her in isolation at the age of four and we had many meetings, I kept trying to tell them, many of her feelings are relating to rejection - she's always been insecure (for no reason - she's had a happy life - but she feels, and always has, rejection very seriously).

So we changed schools, we went to a school recommended by our peers, and it's been brilliant, so supportive, we accessed CAHMS, She had one to one support (which was ended at Easter on the behest of the LEA).

But last week, it all went wrong, she's been great at school for nine months, brilliant, not a problem, last thursday she started to go a little off the wall. Tried to abscond, it was handled ok, tried to abscond the next day, I was called in, when I got there, she'd been physically restrained for 30 mins, the two teachers who were involved in the restraint were looking resigned, but not upset. She was released and immediately went for the teacher that had restrained her, kicked her & pulled her hair, the teacher stormed off with the epitaph 'I've had it with this school',

I managed to calm her down and she wanted to apologise, we went to the office, but the teacher concerned was still crying, when she saw this DD grinned, it was a nervous grin, but it was still a grin, the secretary chased her out with a 'I don't think that's very nice DD', I just excited the area, I had to get away, I knew apologies were futile by this point.

She was excluded for three days, I had the letter yesterday, it hurt, but I understood, I went in today to what I thought was a reintegration interview, I was met by the Vicar who serves on the board of govs and was given a letter of permanent exclusion.

I've been blindsided, I'm so upset, I had 30 seconds to formulate an appropriate response. She's six, I feel she's been excluded from education forever.

SIX

Fuck - I'm so upset - I need some help here.

I've seen 6 year olds turn into 16 year olds. A challenging 6 year old can be a 16 year old capable of killing people & needing institutional living. To prevent that you get in early with PBS & support. . Extreme case & not suggesting that the OP is in that category but the same applies to those who's behaviour is not as extreme.,

One thing I am not is naive - I live with physically challenging behaviour & deal with it on a daily basis.

Then why state they aren't as dangerous?

Charles Ryder - I'm not saying never do it, I'm saying that if it has happened the whole situatuon needs to be looked at. Managing behaviour with a 30 minute restraint is a sign of something having gone very wrong. As I said it ^may* have been appropriate for that one off incident but should result in changes that reduce the chances of any restraint being used again.

I meant the same child - a 6 year old who is dangerous will be deadly by 16 without appropriate support & intervention.

I'd also point out that "restraint" is defined in the DfE guidance as
holding back a child or bringing a child under control which version or combination applies?

Dixie - this is something that drives me mad. My training was aimed at adult services where even touching someone in distress has to be justified (& they're a damn sight more dangerous than a primary aged child). But in schools it seems to be acceptable with limited justification. I find specialist services often take a very adult approach - in ds1's school for example (with many children/young people with very physical distressed begaviours) only about 3 members if staff are eveb allowed to restrain & it is used very rarely & very much as a last resort. Less specialist settings seem to use it more. I suspect it's because they'te less confident in those situations & feel a need to control things quickly. Those working with adults or specialist settings have more PI training (& PI training these days is often about not holding & de-escalating).

I would email the school and ask for written details about what happened as you have not yet been informed and have no idea. Ask if this was a one off incident or one of many? Copy in the vicar-governor.

Thinking about those poor teachers, I suspect one or both of them was hurt by your DD or has been traumatised/threatened by the incident. Holding a child for half an hour is not a normal part of a teachers day - so I'm not surprised there were tears.

Bare in mind that on a normal school day your child has zero impulse control and so the teacher will be constantly struggling to teach the whole class while constantly attempting to keep DD on task.

It sounds like it's not the best set up for the teachers, your DD or the other children in the classroom. It sounds like your DD needs more then the school can offer.

Saying that, the school should adhere to the formal school disciplinary process. I'm sure however that one very very serious incident can result in being instantly expelled.

Removal from the school might be the best thing for DD as it might mean she will be properly assessed and her needs met in the long term.

In the meantime you need to do everything you can to make DD feel accepted and loved. This will include getting rid of the uncle.

I think 30 minutes restraint is a very long time. However if every few minutes, the teachers stopped restraining and then were attacked as a result, I could see how it could prolong things

Did she say why she tried to abscond?

Has the school not got a safe area they could have put her in to calm down?

30 minutes seems excessive to me.

Restraining could mean preventing her leaving the building by blocking the door... It doesn't necessarily mean prolonged physical contact... which would have to be justified

30 minutes IS a very long time.

Tbh my main issue with a physical restraint is it usually makes someone more likely to attack wheh released. All that adrenaline that builds up during the restraint has to go somewhere.

Yes Dixie and under the government definition physical restraint includes retaining someone in a confined space to prevent them causing harm to them self or others ... It doesn't necessarily mean continued physical contact

Yes - but the description in the OP rather suggests it was a hold. And as such I'm not surprised it escalated.

It doesn't ALWAYS escalate a child either saintly. I held somebody this week and it was a restraint to prevent self harm for 3 minutes but then it was a help hug for a good 10 more. We kept offering to move away and the young person refused. When we tried to move away they escalated again.

I have worked with young people who found being left far more escalating than being held. You really can't generalise.

The key is to know the child and keep on adjusting your practise so you have it as right as you can for them.

Sounds like an awful situation for all involved and that staff are r equipped to deal with her behaviour. I do agree thou that violent children should not be in mainstream schools for a variety of reasons, not least because schools don't have the specialist skills required.

The teachers were in a hard situation. If they left and blocked her in a room, the emotional rejection could have caused a storm.

I would contact the lea and also the education welfare officer at your local authority. They should be able to provide support. I'm a little concerned that two people have been used to restrain a 6 year old child. As others have said it is up to the lea to find your child an appropriate school.

I personally think the school have over reacted, I've worked with older kids that have done more and not been permanently excluded on the first instance.

Good luck op