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Original poster

To write letter to request DS has a particular teacher when he starts reception in September

325 replies

BingBong36 · 05/05/2015 09:46

I have another son that is in year 1 now and I really disliked his reception teacher for various reasons (so did he). She has a very stern approach, there is a job share and at parents evening they totally spoke over each other etc and I just didn't warm to her. My youngest son is very sensitive summer boy and I really love the other reception teacher and feel he is best in her class.

I am going to write to the school to request this but how do I word it?

Thanks

OP posts:
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mrz · 05/05/2015 17:26

I think it's wrong to assume that your child will be unhappy because his brother was .... However if you are negative about the teacher he will pick up on it.

Heads usually have a good reason for putting children with strict teachers.

CandODad · 05/05/2015 17:26

BingBong, changes can happen yes but most probably NOT because the parents requested it though despite what impression they may have been given or that they give to others. If every parent went in and asked for a specific teacher it wouldn't work at all. As an example the Deputy at our school is feared by the children and does not agree with some of the parents however he is a bloody good teacher, gets good results and respect by children that do get on.

Original poster
BingBong36 · 05/05/2015 17:27

Its more about the other teacher being the best fit, fortunately she does tend to have the summer borns more than the other so that will work in our favour.

OP posts:
Yarp · 05/05/2015 17:30

I am also torn. I can see why you might want to ask, but since you do not know how your younger son will react, or even if the same teacher will be in place, you run the risk of sounding like you have a vendetta.

As others have said, if she is that bad, then wouldn't you have complained about her before?

I agree with what mrz said above

Fleecyleesy · 05/05/2015 17:34

Yanbu, am shocked at the responses on here.

You already are at the school, it would be fine to send a letter or an email to the head now asking for this particular teacher.

Changing class allocations is not done very much after the allocation has been made but if you ask now, it will do no harm and you may get your wish when they do the allocation. I would not tell people in the playground though as then the head will be under pressure with more requests.

I'd say that your son is a sensitive summer born child and that Miss/Mrs X would be a good fit for him if it would be at all possible for them to accommodate. Just be polite without arse kissing or being demanding/expecting.

It seems to be a common theme on MN that all teachers are great. They are not for various reasons. In our school there are (let's say 20 ish) teachers and TAs. 18 are wonderful. One is frankly nasty and another is not great. Everyone knows it!

Original poster
BingBong36 · 05/05/2015 17:34

I don't want to complain about anyone I really don't, when ds was in her class I just thought it's only for a few months.

OP posts:
BlinkingHeck · 05/05/2015 17:34

Is your DC in FS1 at the school currently?
I work in a foundation unit and it is actually the FS1 teacher who allocates children. This year there there will be some consultation with class teachers and TA's, last year there wasn't and we have really uneven classes. Not really sure how much the head teacher will have to do with it! So if you were writing to our HT he would have to pass this information on to the staff sorting out the class lists. So we would know you were that kind of parent.

We are already talking about who is going in which class, for example we are having a child whose mother has been a nightmare this year for the opposite class teacher. We are taking one for the team as it were, she nearly destroyed our lovely (but strict) colleague.

If your child already attends there chances are they've already decided where he would be best placed.

Also please remember that not all teachers are good with parents, they get flustered, stressed etc. It is not always a reflection of what they are like in the classroom.

Original poster
BingBong36 · 05/05/2015 17:36

Thanks fleecyleesy I really appreciate your reply xx

OP posts:
sneepy · 05/05/2015 17:36

Wow. You've really wound a lot of people up OP! I'm loving this doomsday scenario where you asking for a particular teacher is going to cause a complete breakdown of law and order across the land.

Personally I would do it. If you don't ask you don't get and why should your boy have to suffer because a bunch of bitter and twisted harpies on the internet think it's NOT FAIR?

To the rest of you: calm down FFS.

BlinkingHeck · 05/05/2015 17:38

Not a break down in law and order, but a lot of parents wasting teacher's time!

namechange2015 · 05/05/2015 17:39

Op stop! You're digging yourself into a bigger hole. You're now saying it's because you don't want job share?!? Schools won't take kindly to that, they are probably mums, why shouldn't they work part time! We've had lots of job shares & they've been brilliant, variety for the kids, each has a different special subject. That said I've known people at our school do this & get the class they wanted so it does happen. I think the majority wouldn't be so cheeky though & the head knows it therefore there's no opening of the floodgates. You might be surprised- they may be a great match for eachother

Sparklingbrook · 05/05/2015 17:40

'Bitter and twisted harpies' Shock Grin

lemonyone · 05/05/2015 17:41

Oh my, BingBong. I'm really bowled over by the responses on here too.

The other day a poster wanted to make sure her DC wasn't in the same class as another child as she didn't like the mother. THAT was unreasonable.

I genuinely don't see why this would be horribly unreasonable, to the point where I have already written a nice letter to the principal of my DDs school to request her Grade 4 teacher. (yes, I'm in a different country, but still).
I gave brief reasons why I think it would be great for her to have this teacher, but also wrote a sentence at the end acknowledging that, of course, the request might not be possible. My friend has done this each grade and has always been listened to. (Possibly helps that we both volunteer loads at the school, I don't know).

Anyhow, providing the meeting/note is polite, brief and non-foot-stampy I would go for it.

Yarp · 05/05/2015 17:43

Sparkling

Indeed

I'll throw in a 'grip' to cross another one off on the Rude Bingo card

namechange2015 · 05/05/2015 17:46

Plus if it's an outstanding school you can be pretty sure the job shares communicate well!

YonicScrewdriver · 05/05/2015 17:47

OP

as you are a parent helper, you absolutely shouldn't hear any negative comments about the requests of other parents. Doesn't mean none were made.

Original poster
BingBong36 · 05/05/2015 17:49

I appreciate the respondes thank you to those who can see where I am coming from!!

Name change 2015, I'm not digging myself a hole the job share is one of the issues I have based on the fact the teachers seem to be on a totally different page and were contradicting each other at parents eve, almost snapping at each other it was a shambles!!!

OP posts:
Chocolatepennyfalls · 05/05/2015 17:51

A positive suggestion - if you would like to proceed with this. Meet with headteacher and talk about the positive aspects of the fit of your child with the other teacher (as opposed to the perceived negative aspects of being with the other one). Appreciate that there may not be the possiblity to pick and choose and see things from the schools perspective as well as your own. As one poster said, the experience with one child may not be the same with another. Try to be positive about it and think about how to work together as opposed to outright rejecting the situation

MrsHathaway · 05/05/2015 17:53

I agree with pps that a no-nonsense teacher could be the making of a sensitive 4yo. Do I understand correctly that she would only be around half the week anyway? I can see that you'll accept Mrs Eyeroll if necessary but want to have tried to get DC into Mrs Lovely's class if possible.

I think the fact that other people requested Mrs Lovely and got her is a red herring. They may well have got her despite their requests, and it's impossible to deduce from the class allocation whether the school/head was "happy" or "fine" with the requests. A bit like when people put the same school on their form three times and say that's the way to get in (conveniently forgetting they have sibling link and live 50 yards from the gate).

I think pps are losing patience with your choosing not to make a complaint because it is as though you are saying "Mrs Eyeroll isn't good enough for my child but she'll do for yours". Either she's good enough to be in the school in your opinion, or she isn't. If you have serious concerns (and open disdain and coldness would concern me in EYFS to be honest) then you should raise them in the usual way.

I have previously opened an email to my DC's HT with "At the risk of seeming like that parent..." but as I volunteer lots in the classroom and with the PTA I hope think he knows it's in the spirit of cooperation rather than pfbism.

Original poster
BingBong36 · 05/05/2015 17:54

Yoni screwdriver I have a thicker skin then that and if people talk about it, which I'm sure they will not, then so be it! I am sure they have bigger and better things to discuss!!!

OP posts:
DrankSangriaInThePark · 05/05/2015 17:55

Awww, I get all warm and fluffy when I see an

"AIBU?"
99% of respondents "Yep"
"No I'm not but thanks Flowers to the two people who understand me"

Northernlurker · 05/05/2015 17:58

I was always on the 'take what you're given' side of this debate. It served dd1 and dd2 perfectly well. Then dd3 started school and wasn't a good fit with the teacher she had for two years. I regret very much that I wasn't 'that parent' because I think now it would have helped dd3 if I had been. When she moved class to a much stronger team of teachers she made progress and this year with an exceptionally good teacher has been lovely.
In retrospect I think that, whilst her first teacher had some good qualities and had taught both of my older two to our satisfaction, she wasn't a good fit with dd3 and we should have pushed that issue. It became apparent over the next few months, once dd3 was out of that class, that she had a major clash with the senior management team and she ultimately left very suddenly - a weeks notice. Quite out of the blue one day after this dd3 announced that 'Mrs X was always shouting at us so she had to leave because she was so tired of shouting'. Can you imagine how shit that made me feel?

The mumsnet convention is that parents must put up and shut up. Children who are 'sensitive' or 'challenging' or 'shy' or any one of a hundred perfectly reasonable characteristics in a child, who is after all closer to being a baby than they are to be able to cross a road safely, are simply supposed to magically learn to conform. No teacher is ever to be expected to tailor learning to individuals abilities and learning styles because after all they've got thirty of them and what would happen if....

Well all I know is this - I sat at Parents Evening this year in particular talking about my child with a gifted and committed teacher who made notes about what my child responds well too and who was talking about her with real interest and enthusiasm. That's what she deserves, that's what all kids deserve and if our kids aren't getting that from their teachers it IS our job to be 'that' parent and point it out.

mrz · 05/05/2015 17:58

The problem is the head has to allocate which class 60 children will be in next year. now it may well be that 30 parents want their child to be taught by teacher x and 30 by teacher y (unlikely) so the head has to make the decision based on her knowledge of her staff and pupils not on the personal views of parents which may or may not reflect facts.
What if 60 (or 40 or 31) parents want teacher x? What if 60 want teacher y? Whose preferences should take precedence?

ChaiseLounger · 05/05/2015 17:58

Why is it so awful? At our school, we had a bulge year and went from 2 classes to 3.

Many of us had children who had been the whole way through the school.

My ds had liked 6 of his teachers and really disliked 1.
One of the 3 Reception teachers was the one he didn't like. I had a number of problems with her, as had many of the parents and there had been lots of complaints.

MANY parents asked head if we were allowed to express a preference. She said we were, but she offered no guarantees.
I told the head I was happy with any of the teachers in the whole school, any of the 2 other reception teachers, but would prefer not HER.

Apparently over 12 other parents made the same/similar requests.

If I am one if 'those' parents, I really couldn't care less.

Yarp · 05/05/2015 18:00

Drank

The Threads' not an AIBU. It's in Primary Education.