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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

To write letter to request DS has a particular teacher when he starts reception in September

325 replies

BingBong36 · 05/05/2015 09:46

I have another son that is in year 1 now and I really disliked his reception teacher for various reasons (so did he). She has a very stern approach, there is a job share and at parents evening they totally spoke over each other etc and I just didn't warm to her. My youngest son is very sensitive summer boy and I really love the other reception teacher and feel he is best in her class.

I am going to write to the school to request this but how do I word it?

Thanks

OP posts:

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Sparklingbrook · 05/05/2015 18:01

The thread title is worded as if it is an AIBU, so I assumed it was a 'Primary Education AIBU'.

Yarp · 05/05/2015 18:03

Ok, so what are the 'rules' on Primary AIBU?

We've had FFS, harpies and gross exaggeration for dramatic effect, what else?

Redlocks28 · 05/05/2015 18:04

But not everyone is doing it redlocks

What if the head lets you get your way? They would have to let everyone who asked get a say. Or do you think it's all just about you...

Pipbin · 05/05/2015 18:05

I am a teacher and he taught reception in the past.
I think you should make the request of you want to. What have you got to lose? I've had parents ask me directly if I can have their child next year. I have never promised but I've always said I'll keep it in mind. If you are thought of as 'one of those parents' then so what?

My thought is though, is Ms Smiley actually any good? You have only had experience of Ms Stern. Just because a teacher looks happy and jolly it doesn't mean they are good at the job.

Sparklingbrook · 05/05/2015 18:06

I have no clue Yarp, but then I didn't realise you were allowed to put in bids for which teachers you wanted.

There was one teacher per year in my DC's First School so I feel a bit cheated.

ButterflyUpSoHigh · 05/05/2015 18:07

zipzap

Are you planning on doing that every year even in to secondary school?

The school allocates the teachers for the classes based on various reasons. I am sure you having a quiet word with a TA who favours your child had nothing to do with it.

titchy · 05/05/2015 18:10

OP imagine you're a hairdresser. You cut and highlighted Liz's hair. Liz's sister Carol comes in and the receptionists says 'Oh yes BingBong can do it.' And Carol says 'Oh no, BingBong did my sister's hair, I want someone else to do it.'

How do you think that would make you feel - that someone else's experience of your talent was so bad they specifically requested someone else.

Can you not see how this request would seem?

ltk · 05/05/2015 18:11

I am a teacher and I can honestly say I would not care even a tiny bit if you asked the head not to have me as your ds teacher. And I cannot imagine any head teacher being so unprofessional as to show you the door, or tell me about your request, or spitefully put your ds in my class, or anything else people are suggesting on here. I have never ever seen a parent's letter tacked up in the staffroom, and I would be looking for another job if that is how they treated a confidential letter. Go ahead and ask, calmly and politely. "That parent" is the one swearing at their dc at pickup and never showing up to parent evenings. Politely expressed preferences, so long as they are kept to an essential minimum, are not a problem.

soapboxqueen · 05/05/2015 18:24

Itk you really wouldn't mind a parent calling in to question your ability to do your job by requesting that their child isn't put in your class? Then have your line manager confirm that you are not up to the job by confirming their preference? What happens when other parents find out what happened and don't want their child in your class because you 'obviously aren't up to the job'?

Asking for a specific teacher because of training or experience is perfectly fair.

Any head teacher who confirms that a teacher isn't up to the job by granting a request in such circumstances is thoroughly unprofessional.

HerRoyalNotness · 05/05/2015 18:26

that someone else's experience of your talent was so bad they specifically requested someone else.

But why should people put up with substandard service in any arena? Sure the other teacher may hear about it and be offended, or she may just think, well yes, I'm a lot stricter than they other teacher, and if the kid can't handle it, well good for them.

I would ask OP. You've had experience with this teacher through your first child and are able to see it's not a good fit.

My DC1s first year of school was wasted by a teacher who wrote him off as a trouble maker, and someone she didn't know what to do with or deal with. We had meetings with her and couldn't get to the bottom of it. He HATED going to school. He cried, he begged to go back to his old preschool. We had him at a child therapist to see if there were any issues we were missing.

In hindsight, we should have kicked up more of a fuss with the school and had him moved to another class. He left that school unable to read, write or do any maths. He entered grade 1 in a different school and was so far behind, they principal was very concerned. He had interventions and we ramped up the help at home and nearing the end of Grade 2, is now doing very well. But we still feel very angry at his kinder teacher for making his first year so miserable.

And you know what it all came down to? He couldn't understand a word his teacher said. (School was in french) And even though the school had a program for children from english speaking families to help them with the immersion (we had no choice, as this is how the school board was run), they didn't offer him any help. his teacher didn't realise in a year of school that he didn't understand what was going on. She basically cast him adrift, and he was not the only child in the class she did this to, other parents were just as perplexed as us.

If we had stayed there, I absolutely would have requested that our DC2 did not get anywhere near the classroom of DC1s teacher.

Original poster

BingBong36 · 05/05/2015 18:28

Thank you for the reassurance itk and others who have supported my decision.

I have just spoken to a friend who his a teacher and deputy headband she said to ask.

I am going to be positive about ms stern I can say while I think ms stern is a great teacher I feel my DS will be best suited in ms smiley's class due to the fact he is very sensitive, clingey and would benefit from having the same teacher every day.

Am I 'that' person if I worded it or spoke to head like that, will she show me the door, would I be talk of the school?

All they can say is 'we will try our best' and that is it!

I have never spoken to the head or made any complaints in the last, I am just not like that, I do not want to make a complaint about the other teacher as some people may like her and I am sure they do.

OP posts:

YonicScrewdriver · 05/05/2015 18:30

OP, if you are determined to do
It, why not have a word with the head about how the school settles summer borns and then say "oh, mrs x usually gets a lot of summer borns, I think DS would settle well with her" or similar. Then it's more about positive qualities.

However, you as a helper probably know more than another new parent and the school must be careful not to advantage you for that too.

Original poster

BingBong36 · 05/05/2015 18:30

Soapbox queen was there any mention of me saying anything negative about the other teacher? Let's not make this in to something it's not.

OP posts:

soapboxqueen · 05/05/2015 18:31

If a teacher isn't up to the job, you make a complaint. If things don't improve then you make a complaint about the head as it is their job to make sure teachers are up to scratch and doing their job. If parents or the head circumvent that then the head is essentially saying I have crap staff but I'm not going to do anything about it.

Why would you want your child in a school where the head admits by default that they have unsuitable staff but aren't doing anything about it?

Original poster

BingBong36 · 05/05/2015 18:35

Soapbox I do not want to make a complaint and I am not doing so. I just want ds2 to be in the other class. That's it.

OP posts:

YonicScrewdriver · 05/05/2015 18:35

I have to say, if I had a PFB at your school and found out all the parent helpers and/or those with older siblings had requested to avoid the job sharing teachers and had those requests granted, I would be pretty cross as it's not a level playing field of information.

Disclaimer - DD1 had job sharing teachers and they were ace!

soapboxqueen · 05/05/2015 18:36

You think it isn't negative but it is. Opting for and going to the trouble of requesting the other teacher without any real grounds other than she is nicer is, by default, negative about the other teacher. Nobody is got to be fooled even if they pretend to be to your face.

If this is such a common occurrence at your school and you really don't want to listen to other opinions, why on earth did you post the question?

ltk · 05/05/2015 18:37

soapboxqueen Possibly you have not noticed that teachers are observed and graded constantly. I know exactly what my head thinks of my teaching, what Ofsted thinks of it, what the pre-Ofsted consultants think of it, my phase leader and numerous parents. So no, one parent saying they would prefer to have another teacher would not in any way knock my confidence. If 60 parents were requesting the other teacher I would want to know why, but then so would my head when he himself judged I was doing so well during observed lessons.
If my head agreed to the request, which I hpe he would, he would not be agreeing that I am bad at my job, but that the op's ds might indeed be better off with another teacher for specific reasons, or that she asked and he has no particular reason to say no.
Do none of you have to deal with criticism at work??

BitOutOfPractice · 05/05/2015 18:40

This is one of these AIBUs isn't it?

OP: AIBU?
90% of mumsnet: erm you are a bit
OP: no I'm not!
10% of mumsnet: YANBU
OP: oh thank you so much for that brilliant reply xxx

Why did you post OP? You're obviously convinced of what you are going to do and that you are right, so why ask?

YonicScrewdriver · 05/05/2015 18:41

TBF bit she asked how to phrase it not whether to do it!

mrz · 05/05/2015 18:41

I've been the teacher requested by a parent (parent governor in my case) who made no secret that she didn't want her child taught by another teacher.
I felt terrible and the other teacher cried refused to come into the staff room for weeks because she felt so upset.
My head refused the request and the child thrived?

BitOutOfPractice · 05/05/2015 18:42

Yonic I'm also embarrassed that I've just noticed it's not in AIBU either.

Original poster

BingBong36 · 05/05/2015 18:43

If this was an AIBU I would have posted it there but I posted it here asking the best way to phrase it

OP posts:

Fleecyleesy · 05/05/2015 18:45

I would leave out the bit about having the same teacher every day - you want to focus on the positives of ms smiley and say nothing at all about the job share class or the teachers that are job sharing.

If you raise the job share point, the school will have 101 ways to reassure you about this. In many job share cases, it will be true. My ds was in a job share class a few years back and it was wonderful for him but the 2 teachers were good friends and worked very well together and had done for years. I could speak to either of them about anything, both were similar and always well informed.

soapboxqueen · 05/05/2015 18:46

Itk this isn't about professional development or professional standards. That is separate. It's about professional reputation which in this job is very important. If parents have no faith that you can do your job, things can become very difficult.

You can be the best teacher in the world with the best observation feedback but if you get the reputation as the teacher parents move their children away from, there soon becomes a real problem.

As I've said previously, they're are legitimate reasons for parents to state a preference. I've done so myself. The reasons are limited.

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