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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

To write letter to request DS has a particular teacher when he starts reception in September

325 replies

BingBong36 · 05/05/2015 09:46

I have another son that is in year 1 now and I really disliked his reception teacher for various reasons (so did he). She has a very stern approach, there is a job share and at parents evening they totally spoke over each other etc and I just didn't warm to her. My youngest son is very sensitive summer boy and I really love the other reception teacher and feel he is best in her class.

I am going to write to the school to request this but how do I word it?

Thanks

OP posts:

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baffledmum · 05/05/2015 12:52

I'll give you an interesting story about this sort of thing:

Group of parents individually wrote to my child's school and requested a specific teacher. I had no idea, but when they were given that teacher they looked like they had won the lottery. What they didn't know is that said teacher was pregnant and nor did the head at the time the classes were allocated....

Sometimes it is best not to interfere....

Redlocks28 · 05/05/2015 13:20

That's exactly what I was aiming to say that my DS would be a best fit in mrs x's class

What will you do if Mrs x is being moved to Year 1 in September? What is Mrs x is pregnant or moving schools? Then, they give you Mrs y as there's no Ms x to give you, will you then go back and say, actually-it's not just that we liked Mrs x it's truthfully that we don't like Mrx y?!

The heads have never organised class lists in any school I've ever worked in.

If the head does agree to a move (which my head will never do as it opens the door for endless other parents wanting their child to be moved because Billy's friend is in blue class so please can Billy be moved to Blue class as well and they were born on the same day so can't be separated/Mrs X looks too grumpy for my pfb/I don't like the parents in Green class-they were mean to me at school/Green class classroom doesn't have enough shade etc etc) then they will have to tell whichever teachers are in Reception and doing the lists what you've said. They won't say 'please put Jimmy in Blue class' and the teachers will blindly follow-the reason will have to be given.

merrymouse · 05/05/2015 13:59

I think you need concrete examples of problems that need to be solved - then even if your child can't be moved the school have something to work on and you are showing that you are trying to work with them, not just having a personality clash with the teacher.

DeeWe · 05/05/2015 14:38

The thing is those who "requested" it in the past, you don't know if they were altered or whether the random allocation would have given it them anyway. I doubt they will pay any attention to it.

However, the teacher you think suits one child isn't necessarily actually the best in the long run. Ds had one teacher with whom I'd been unimpressed with when one of my girls had. I thought she was a bit wishy washy, which really doesn't suit ds. He adored her from about her second day and she was brilliant with him. I'd never have predicted that.

CecilyP · 05/05/2015 14:51

I agree with Whatsgoing on going to speak to the head in person rather than writing a letter.

Having said that, and I do sympathise with how you feel, surely every parent would want their child in a class with the other reception teacher who is so lovely and has a lovely approach.

In a face to face conversation with the head you may be able to emphasise how sensitive your child is in order to justify this preferential treatment.

rollonthesummer · 05/05/2015 15:03

Having said that, and I do sympathise with how you feel, surely every parent would want their child in a class with the other reception teacher who is so lovely and has a lovely approach.

WSS.

OP, you have said that

The bottom like is I wand my son to have the best start to school life, he cries every time I drop him to nursery, he is very sensitive and I feel the other teacher is much more nurturing.Some people may want the more stricter teacher who doesn't give out cuddles when the children cry and rolls her eyes constantly.

Do you really feel that there will be 30 parents jumping up and down to get the unnuturing teacher who rolls her eyes constantly'!?

Will you all get your way....

Good luck with talking to the head. If you went to see my head, they'd put you in her class on purpose. Not to be cruel, but to prove a point that you can't go into schools demanding to get your own way.

holmessweetholmes · 05/05/2015 15:05

The point isn't that you will be labelled as 'that parent' (you will, though!). The point is that it would be unfair, preferential treatment and you are being unreasonable to request it. Plenty of parents have kids who are a bit sensitive or are summer born or any number of other reasons why they should get what they want. Every parent wants a nice teacher for their child. They will all be in their first year - why should yours get your choice of teacher?

You keep saying that you're not going to make a complaint, but that is exactly what you should do IF the teacher is actually doing anything wrong. If not, then you have no justification whatsoever for requesting the other teacher anyway.

As a form tutor and head of year in a secondary school I spent my time listening to pupils saying things like 'I only want to do geography for GCSE if I can be in Miss Thingy ' s class'. Fortunately the parents usually had the good sense not to make these requests because they knew it would not make any difference to the outcome.

SouthWestmom · 05/05/2015 15:09

The head in my case understood and asked to be reminded , but I would never and have never asked just for personality reasons/ strict reasons/ preferring another one. I'm not sure that being sensitive is enough of a concern - isn't it mainstream enough to be dealt with by most staff on a daily basis?

MarthaMonkeynuts · 05/05/2015 15:14

Just wanted to say, I am "that parent"

Not the same issue, but my DC has additional needs and I am "that parent" that insists he gets appropriate support and equitable access to education and decent support etc faces everywhere when I go in, but I don't give a shit.

If you have to be "that parent" in the interests of your child, OP, fuck em and so be it.

Original poster

BingBong36 · 05/05/2015 15:46

Why would anyone put my son in the teacher's class just to 'spite me'? What sort of school are your children in?

We have a lovely head mistress and I really don't think I would be talk of the school if I said how I'm worried fir by son as he is very clingy and young for the year and how much I would like him to be in mrs x's class.

I still don't get wgat is wrong in me saying that, surely that is a compliment to that teacher??

I actually think some of the responses on here are a little OTT!!

OP posts:

Redlocks28 · 05/05/2015 15:52

I still don't get wgat is wrong in me saying that, surely that is a compliment to that teacher??

but very offensive to the other teacher. Who WILL hear about it!

Floggingmolly · 05/05/2015 15:55

You think this is perfectly ok, op, despite most people telling you it's not, so just do it.
Don't expect validation from everyone around you (and complete strangers on the Internet).

Redlocks28 · 05/05/2015 16:03

What sort of school are your children in?

My children are in normal, perfectly sensible schools, thank you!

I have also been a teacher in many other schools. Parents do occasionally ask for things like this. The Reception teachers always get to hear about the requests (as do the TAs, office staff and other teachers) and they are virtually always declined.

Once you start agreeing to giving parents 'the nurturing smiley teacher'-other demands will follow. It's hard enough compiling class lists to get an equal number of boy/girls, Autumn/Spring/Summer borns, SEN, EAL, Pupil Premium, high attainers/middle/low attainers in each class, let alone coping with parental demands. Honestly, class lists take hours to do!

soapboxqueen · 05/05/2015 16:05

Any head teacher worth their salt would show you the door. You have no real reason whatsoever for wanting your child in another class.

Children being moved because of other siblings or friendship issues are not the same as not wanting a particular teacher. Children with SEN requesting particular classes because of staff training, experience or classroom logistics is not the same as "I just don't like that teacher's personality"

Saying you want one teacher over another is complaining about the other teacher. You are calling into question their ability to do their job. If the request is granted the head is essentially saying, yes that teacher is a bit crap. They are also pointing out that they can't run a school properly since they allow teachers who are a bit crap. No matter how quiet you are about it, if the request is granted, other staff will find out. At that point, if I were the rejected teacher, I would be getting my union involved.

Other staff may well not want you back in to support them in class. They will see you as having an agenda.

For the most part being "that" parent is reserved for parents making ridiculous requests or complaints not parents fighting for their child when their is a good reason. In any event being "that" parent (which I am) is only worth it for some things and this ain't it.

Redlocks28 · 05/05/2015 16:08

Other staff may well not want you back in to support them in class. They will see you as having an agenda.

Yes, I have to say, I totally agree with this and would reject any offers of your help in my classroom.

Original poster

BingBong36 · 05/05/2015 16:09

Well if you have a head that would do something out of spite I would be worried!!!

I am not making any demands I am requesting something.

I have friends that did this last year and they certainly are not talk if the school im sure the office staff are not that bothered surely!!!

And if the other teachers hear that mrs jone's asked for little Jonny to be in mrs x's class so what, they don't even know me and not will they care, I'm sure they have other things to worry about in life

OP posts:

Original poster

BingBong36 · 05/05/2015 16:12

Said friend who made a request last year helps out in class, teachers were fine. The school were fine. I think you are all being a bit OTT

OP posts:

soapboxqueen · 05/05/2015 16:16

Sorry, you're saying a bunch of parents have over previous years asked the head to put their child in a particular class because they didn't like another teacher's methods/style . None of the other teacher's felt professionally attacked by being rejected?

My union would have a bloody field day.

Redlocks28 · 05/05/2015 16:20

Where have you got the 'out of spite' from?

cedricsneer · 05/05/2015 16:20

I agree with the poster upthread who said that the unfair part is you asking for preferential treatment. It sounds as though the other parents who asked for their kids to move class had them in a class with that teacher already, which is a completely different thing.

I also think you are missing the point about complaining - most people are saying that if you complained about this teacher's conduct then that would be ok. You should have done this when ds1 was in her class if you thought she was unnecessarily harsh with your child. What is not ok is to go to the ht without a legitimate complaint, just an implied one.

We all want the best for our kids - you must see this wouldn't work if everyone went and made special requests for their dc. Fwiw I have an extremely sensitive ds, and his experiences with a strict ("scary") teacher triggered the opportunity to teach some resilience and discuss coping strategies with him. That's life. You can't protect your little darling from everything.

Redlocks28 · 05/05/2015 16:21

I think you are all being a bit OTT

Yep, that must be it. We are all wrong but you're right.

Original poster

BingBong36 · 05/05/2015 16:22

Yes, they have asked their child who is starting reception ( not the other years) to be in a particular class.

All was fine so that's why I thought I could at least try.

I can see that most of the people on here are teachers are the ones getting all defensive. I am not making a complaint but I would like my son to have a nurturing teacher and consistency (ie not a job share).

OP posts:

Original poster

BingBong36 · 05/05/2015 16:23

Red locks it was someone up thread that said their head would place child in the other classroom out of spite.

OP posts:

ZolaGood · 05/05/2015 16:30

Leaving the teacher issue aside do you think your younger DC is ready for school if he is crying every morning going to pre-school? Maybe another year would 'toughen him up' so to speak so the teacher issue will not be as big. Does he have to go this September?

CandODad · 05/05/2015 16:34

Perhaps you could suggest to the head that each year group goes into the hall with the teachers for that year, one teacher could stand in one corner and the other in the other corner. Then the children or parents could choose which teacher they want?

Any teacher that is not popular could then look for another job?

OP, If you help in the school already then I would hope you have noticed one over riding thing about the school: Teachers know best and work for the good of the children. If parents could choose the teachers it would be a popularity contest and just plain stupid.

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