To write letter to request DS has a particular teacher when he starts reception in September

[BingBong36]

I have another son that is in year 1 now and I really disliked his reception teacher for various reasons (so did he). She has a very stern approach, there is a job share and at parents evening they totally spoke over each other etc and I just didn't warm to her. My youngest son is very sensitive summer boy and I really love the other reception teacher and feel he is best in her class.

I am going to write to the school to request this but how do I word it?

Thanks

How do you know she barely smiles? Are you with her all day?

No seen her in the play ground looking miserable daily. Older DS said she is miserable when he had him, she is also sarcastic.. To give an example me: hi mrs stern Freddie is going to Harry's tonight for a play date so Harry's mum is picking Freddie up'. This is while I am standing next to my son. Her response to him and me:

'Well woopy do I'll have to listen to that all day now then' whilst rolling her eyes.

Do you plan to hand pick teachers throughout your DS's school years or just in Reception?

I do think it's ironic that some teachers on the thread are insinuating that the OP is a gossip, while others are warning that she will be the talk of the school if she speaks to the HT.

I know which scenario I would label as gossip.

No just his first year sparkling. But as mentioned if I can't it's no biggy. But if others have done it and the school were fine I do not see there being a problem.

Not sure why everyone has gone so OTT over this.

That's what I thought tyto!!

Phew. That's a relief.

So how's the letter coming along? What have you written so far?

If you read all my posts sparkling you will see that I am ging to speak to the school.

OMG - strange responses I here - OP wants what she perceives is right for her child - so shoot her - I go into many schools and I have NEVER seen a letter pinned up in a staff room - !!! Any Ht would listen to the request and make an informed opinion - Different teachers suit different children. My son is in a JS class - before he went into it I heard lots of good things about one of the teachers and bad things about the other one. My son is thriving - however if he wasn't or if I felt I had reason to go and talk to the HT I would !
Your children - Your opinions - so what if you are labelled as 'that parent' what is the worst that will happen from that !!! IME you get more careful comsideration before any decisions are made because they know you won't just take everything lying down !

Thanks Lonnika, I agree very strange responses i really wish is never started this thread now.

Oh right Bing, no help with a letter required then. Good luck, hope you get your way.

OP, if I were you I would speak to the HT about how you can work together to help your DS settle and explain that he still cries every day at nursery - together you should be able to come up with some strategies that will help him settle into reception.

However, I absolutely wouldn't request a specific teacher. You accuse people of being OTT, but the fact is your request is as OTT as some of the responses on here. The HT will have faith and trust in all his/her reception teachers and, as far as they are concerned, any of them will be excellent for your DS. The HT needs to balance a number of factors when organising classes and your request is far less significant than those other factors.

Please do discuss your concerns about DS settling but, as I said above, I would avoid requesting a specific teacher.

Rubbish Bunnyjo - surely if you have children and they have gone through school you will realise that different styles suit different children !

People seem to have problem with he OP getting her own way - she just wants what she thinks is best for her child - no half in her asking - if you don't ask you don't get !!! A maybe there is some reason why it can't happen but the OP seems reasonable and if that happens I am sure she will be fine. She has said other parents prefer the other teacher - horses for courses -

Rubbish Bunnyjo - surely if you have children and they have gone through school you will realise that different styles suit different children !

So, what happens when she is faced with another teacher she doesn't 'warm to'; for example the HT moves teachers around and, come year 1, 'Ms Stern' is teaching that year? Or in secondary school, where each child will have upwards of 10 different teachers per year group? Do you honestly think that school are going to accommodate requests for teaching styles then?

I have no problem with the op 'getting her way'. However, I think because she didn't warm to a teacher, the teacher is part of a job share and (in her opinion) the teacher is very stern are very weak appalling reasons for wanting a particular teacher. There are many reasons why these kinds of requests cannot be accommodated. When they are seemingly accommodated, in all likelihood any requests will have had absolutely no bearing on it; it will have been merely coincidental.

BingBong, I'm not surprised you wish you'd never started this thread.

You have been criticised for having a thread title that could have AIBU stuck to the front of it, never mind the fact that it is just as easy to stick 'Help me' there, which (amazingly) actually fits with your subsequent post.

This 'mistake' has led to rabid MNs tearing strips off you despite the fact that there has been a steady stream of people saying that they've done exactly what you are going to do, putting lie to:

You can't choose teachers. Unless reasonable requests are granted.

No headteacher in their right mind will agree to any request of this kind, and quite rightly so. So there must be a number of heads in their wrong mind out there then

It would be unfair and set a dangerous precedent. What IS unfair is a school having a blanket policy that doesn't allow a request to be considered on its merits.

As for dangerous

Using HolmesSweetHolmes post is just illustrative, all the posts of the same ilk support these ideas, along with the critical underlying ones:

That possibly causing a teacher offence that might last a number of weeks at worst is better than probably causing a child an unnecessarily rough first year.

That 'school' knows best, irrespective of the fact that parents know their children remarkably well too.

That an adults feelings have greater value than a child's needs.

That if parents are given a say in any aspect of school life they will then rule the school.

That parents opinions of teachers are invalid, malicious gossip, although parents labelled 'that' parent are getting their just deserts.

What a load of piffle.

Schools, the last 'great' institutions, where, for some, the concept that the people using their services are customers is so foreign it may as well be from another galaxy (and at least from another service sector).

bunnyjo. If you read the whole thread you will see that I wanted my son's first year at school to be a positive one with a teacher that understands and has compassion for a child that does get upset.

I am not that naive to think I will then be able to pick his future teachers.

diomonage, thank you for your well written post, I couldn't have said it better myself.

Bunnyjo, just to add, I have very good reasons if you read the whole thread which I appreciate is now very long!!

Bunnjo the scenarios you describe are hypothetical - the OP has a genuine concern - it is her concern ! People are being unreasonable to dismiss her as being unreasonable !!!! she hasn't kicked off - she is simply going to make a 'request' if the HT deems it unreasonable then that is her perrogative - having a reasonable discussion with the HT regarding her child starting school is perfectly reasonable IME ! Surley that is part of there job ?

If, later on the OP has similar concerns then sh can of course go and discuss these - why is that so blooming hard for people to understand!!! maybe being open from the start rather than 'bitching' behind people's backs is the key!

Diamondage I totally agree with you too !

Thank you Lonnika another great response that I could have written better myself.

DiamondAge - schools spend a lot of time and effort on working out what is best for their pupils. They look at the information they have about the children, they take into account the available staffing options, they follow their policies which have been put in place to give the children a good education.

What they should not do is make staffing decisions based on the personal preferences of parents. And, from the wording used in the original post, these are very much just personal preferences. The OP has not said that her child has any specific needs. Just that he is sensitive (as quite a lot of young children are) and that he is summer born (ditto ).

Imo these are not good enough reasons for wanting to be able to choose your child's teacher. And not good enough reasons for a school to create a situation where other parents could be saying 'Hang on - my child is summer born too. I want him/her in that class !'

Fwiw a very sensitive child I know loved having a strict teacher in Reception, because the class was beautifully calm and well-behaved, as the teacher had such great classroom management.

OP - I completely understand your concern, but take the teacher out of the equation. Your DS is crying and not settled at nursery; therefore, focus your concerns on working with the HT and school to develop a strategy to help your DS settle into reception, regardless of which class/teacher he ends up with. This will help you in the long run too - you've already acknowledged that, by past experience, it is likely he will end up with the teacher you wish regardless of your request. But, if he doesn't you, the teacher and HT will be aware of your concerns with DS settling and you can work together to help his transition.

My DD, now Year 3, never settled in private nursery at all - she cried every single day and it was gut wrenching for me. I was pregnant with DS at the time, too; my hormones and emotions were already all over the place. I spoke with DD's HT before she started school to discuss what we could do to ease her transition and the HT was very reassuring. Teachers were never brought into the equation, though - however with it being a tiny school of 3 classes, you get what you're given! As it was DD settled brilliantly and we never had a problem!

Holmes the key words there are IMO!!!, OP clearly has a different one that's what makes the world go round

Yes I am planning on explaining to the HT that my son is sensitive and and work with them.

It was certainly never my intention to say anything bad abut the other teacher to anyone, or make unreasonable demands. I am not being precious, I not being unreasonable, I am just concerned and would like to address my comcerns.

Some posters on here have pulled me apart, I find it ridiculous that some feel I would be talk of the school, etc.

I appreciate the advice but I think some people have summed me up very wrong or not read the whole thread.

had exactly this when dd was going into reception. She should have followed ds into the class with the teacher perceived to be 'more nurturing'.

Cue lots of PFB mothers requesting that their child should not be with the other 'sterner' teacher. It got to the point when the classes were so imbalanced that they had to subtly ask people to move into the 'stricter' class.

So dd moved. the other teacher was vastly more experienced and suited dd down to the ground.

Funniest thing was that in Y1 and Y2, DD's class had teachers who were perceived as 'better' - all the PFB mothers were slightly green as they couldn't do anything about it!

OP- if it means that much to you then write the letter. But bear in mind that while they may let you influence this one decision, you may not like all the future implications of it.