Is it normal for 'challenging' children to receive rewards when they are just doing what is normal and expected behaviour of the rest of the class?

[SafeAsHouses]

Hope my question doesnt offend anyone....but it just seems to be happening alot recently in my sons class, and its tricky trying to explain to him why the kids that are disruptive and muck around in class (as per my DS, I know not everything kids say is strictly true!), seem to run out of school each week with stickers / rewards / child of the day etc, because they managed to do something that is expected of the rest of the class 100% of the time.

Surely there is a better, more fairer way to reward?

"Well martorana, my child doesn't yet, and nor do many other children judging by this thread. Perhaps we're all just crap parents."

No. Not crap. But you obviously aren't helping them understand because you don't understand yourself. Maybe time to reconsider your attitudes?

Jelly. Not sure I wish to engage with someone who clls children little shits.

But...the certificates are not a reward as such but to encourage the child to behave better

Oh well my dd2 is in a special school where she gets understanding

If my dd is good at school she gets to take the therapy dog a walk.
I can just imagine the uproar :o

Yes Autumn, but people are jealous of her free transport (honestly they are, I stood behind two people going on about why should those with special needs get transport to school when their children don't!)

My DD is at special school with some kids who behave aggressively. She has never hit anyone in her life.

Funny how I manage to not get frothed up about them disrupting her and don't call them little shits.

That's a really good point fanjo

Fanjo you are completely twisting everything people say! No-body was calling a child at a special school who is aggressive a 'little shit'!!! In fact we're not even talking about special schools, we're talking mainstream.

You're turning this thread into some sort of implication that so called snobby parents can't possibly understand special needs children. Perhaps we can't!

Very good point fanjo

I find this a still painful issue years after it has affected me directly.

My now 17 year old DS went to a mainstream primary school with an intergrated ASD unit. It was also in low socio-economic area with all the social problems that that creates.

He is irreparably damaged IMHO and I still find it hard to talk about.
He is a 'middle of the road' child who would never stand out for behaviour or academic achievement. However he was a lovely, polite, average boy.

He was completely ignored. Every star of the day/week, every sticker/prize was awarded to a child with some severe behavioural issue.

How does one explain to their child that Jack got star of the week for not punching him in the stomach, spitting in his face, standing on his lunch and pinching him on Friday when he did the other 4 days? Or for punching him in the stomach but saying sorry this time.

Integration of children with SN should be a good thing but I know my DS and his NT peers have some unresolved anger towards some of the kids he went to school with who seemed to be rewarded for bad behaviour. It's wrong but I blame the school.

As a parent I feel like tripping up the kid who runs out of school proudly with a certificate when they have bullied my kid all week.

I live in a small town so I still know these children and this positive rewarding most definitely did not work.

Jelly I agree with you. Our LA had a scheme where "challenging" children were taken horse-riding (at no cost of course).

Pupils constantly asked me why X got to go horse-riding when he was naughty and horrible to the other children in the class,

I'm afraid I had no answer for them

No im not twisting anything.

You were begrudging a child with ASD a reward for behaving well.

Jelly called the disruptive children "little shits". Which, in mainstream, will include children with SN. Undoubtedly.

You had no answer for them because you are unable to comprehend that those children may be disadvantaged.

I cant imagine not telling my child these children werent as fortunate as her or had SEN.

Is everyone's head up their own arse like this?

Read the thread BabyMummy - then you will know exactly what to say.

That was to babymummy.

I'm not sure I can keep arguing with such outrageous selfishness tbh.

Nah. I'm not biting. Fucking segregation? Ah yes, back to that old bullshit. Off to hide thread and the same old ignorant prejudice that raises its head yet again

Myitchybeaver. The whole point is if they have ASD its not "bad" behaviour. And they need extra hep to learn social rules.

Aaargh. Sorry folks. I give up in the face of such ignorance.

Imagine having it rankle for years that kida with behavioural issues were given star of the week to try to encourage them to behave better.

The school should protect all its pupils but calling the behaviour "bad" and feeling rancour for years over the certificates is really petty and ignorant.

Yep. ASD = bully. Got it in one

You know that often happens the other way round, don't you? Children (and adults) with ASD can be incredibly naive and can be very vulnerable to being bullied, or taken advantage of, as a result.

I'm sorry your DS had such an awful experience of school. It may have been that the unit was very badly run. That happens, unfortunately. You might want to take a peek at the SN boards to see how many parents are fighting for an education for their children that doesn't leave them constantly stressed and lashing out at others (or worse, self harming). For some kids, giving stickers for conforming to societal norms barely scratches the surface. A completely different learning environment is needed along with a completely different approach to discipline, with less reliance on rewards and punishments and more help to gain the skills that enable them to make the right choices, in less stressful circumstances. Even schools that claim to have the relevant expertise often get it shockingly wrong, with long term disastrous results for many.

Yes, I think that says more about the poster than it does about the children Fanjo.

Are you a teacher Babymummy??

fucking hell, my ds is starting school on sept, he will go to a special learning unit for children with complex needs, within a mainstream primary - is this what he has got to look forward to?

frankly some of the attitudes on this thread make me wish he was going to a special school where he won't be able to taint the lives of nt children.

You say it like we (or I!) am all so utterly evil, ignorant, prejudice people. Approx half this thread thinks one thing, the other half thinks the other, so whatever you think, there is a feeling of unfairness in the school environment (rightly or wrongly).

No-body is right, no-body is wrong. We're all going on our own personal experiences. It doesn't need to get so nasty.

I have a child with ASD. He is not naughty/ disruptive (call it what you will). However he gets rewarded when he manages the things he finds difficult. I'm sure he'd like a HT award for writing an amazing story but he gets his for writing legibly handwriting. He's 9yo. He'll get his certificates more frequently because he needs the motivation more - just holding a pen is hard work and needs sensory input before he can write. So for him sitting and writing a page it's a massive achievement.

You also need to consider some children with disabilities don't internalise their thoughts - therefore they need a reason to do something rather than just doing it. Rewards and then decreasing these set this in stone and then they become less frequent.

I can ensure every single person my DS would rather have loads of friends and feel comfortable and less anxious all the time than receive all the certificates.