Anyone else against parent helpers listening to children read in the classroom?

[MumbleJumbles]

I'm feeling a little uncomfortable at the moment with who listens to my children read at school.

My daughter is one of the top girls in her class for reading, my son is in reception so only just started to read.

A parent who I am good friends with, volunteers as a parent helper. She usually does painting / baking / craft stuff in the classroom. But on 2 occasions recently, has come out of school and told me she's listened to my children read and then made a comment on their reading skills (not derogatory, just a general "oh I listened to 'L' read today, coming along nicely").

I don't really feel comfortable with this, and I'm not sure what benefit there is in my kids being listened to by somebody elses parent (whose kids are in the same classes as mine)?

Am I being unreasonable / irrational?

cocktailqueen - yes I agree that is sad . The teachers and TA's at our school are all very cuddly with the reception kids, but none of the parent helpers at our school require CRB checking so I guess that is why they can't do the touchy-feely bit?

I've been listening to reading at my DCs' school for many years, always in one of my DC's class (at the request of the school). I suspect that the majority of parents do not even know I listen to their children read, I don't say anything so it will only be if the children,

There has only been one occasion when I have discussed reading with the parent of a child and that was when I was approached by the parent who had concern about their child's reading and was already talking to teachers. I dodged the question a bit and didn't really comment on the questions she asked me.

In the last few years I have listened to many children who are clearly not reading at home. I don't pretend to be "teaching" them or "working" with them. I try to treat our time together as I would when I read a book with my own child at home. I listen, help with tricky words, ask questions, tell them that I am enjoying listening to them and try and make them feel that reading is an enjoyable activity.

Many children do read at home, they probably don't need to read to me but they enjoy it and it wouldn't be desirable for the school to discriminate between those who read at home and those who don't.

It's a shame that competitive parents hijack helping out in class for their own dubious ends - it puts off the majority of normal parents from getting involved.

Was helping to set up a class Christmas party in my DS's classroom once. Uber mum took the opportunity to go through all the piles of exercise books stored on shelves there to see how EVERY child in the class was doing to compare with her DCS. Was that she did this quite openly and could not understand why I had a problem with it!

Never met a competitive parent in the playground or on the school premises. IME they are a vanishingly rare breed. From reading MN threads about them it seems the only damage they do is pressuring their own DCs, which they probably do regardless of access to reading levels.

I used to volunteer at my DC's primary school.
I was not allowed to assist in my own DC's class room. Neither was I allowed in the staff room and the importance of confidentiality was impressed upon me.
TBH I think the parent volunteers were quite carefully chosen, as they should be. (The HT knew I worked in a profession where confidentiality was very important).
Many of the children I read with didn't even have books in their homes, much less a parent who would hear them read.

I agree that parent volunteers are a great asset to schools. There can be some problems as mentioned above, but on balance, the gain is great.

I do think that if a parent helper is asked by another parent how their child is doing, that they really should hold off answering. Something along the lines of 'oh I think you'd need to speak to the teacher about that, because there is more to the reading skill than what I'm involved with'

I really think it should only be the teacher that comments on progress. TAs don't do it, so parent volunteers shouldn't either.
A teacher will comment on reading ability at parents evening, based on hearing children read individually, during guided group reading, from reading comprehension exercises and a host of other things. The reading aloud to one adult is just one element of it and may give a false impression of the overall progress. A volunteer will not know all these other details and so although meaning to be friendly and reassuring when responding, may be giving an inaccurate picture. I think the guidelines should make potential volunteers aware that other parents may ask how their children are doing, but volunteers should always refer them to the school.

Yes one can imagine the power trip some parent helpers get...being there in the know on your child..

I helped with art in dd1's class last year. I know the teacher and ta through my eldest child. No idea why she asked as I'm hopeless at art. I enjoyed it in the end and was an eyeopener to school life!

At the same time, a mother with a daughter in dd2's class tried to get in the school to help with reading. She was turned down with the reason that you can't help in your own child's class - clearly not true. She tends to be nosey, pushy & competitive, so I think there was another reason.

This year she managed to get in to her other child's class to help with reading, but she has been sacked as a parent helper....her older dd said this to my friend's dd "my mum listened to your sister read and she is rubbish. My brother is much better at reading and more clever"
She was asked not to come back.

At the school my boys go to it's very normal for parents to help with reading groups. The teachers are great and give great guidelines for the parents. The kids love it, and often feel the pressure is off if they read to a mum rather than a teacher. Mums can and do relay info to teachers. It works well in our school. Some teachers don't like parents in and some teachers are picky with which parents they ask for help. Why don't you join the PTA and voice your concern?

"Why don't you join the PTA and voice your concern?"
Because it's got nothing to do with the PTA. They're a fund-raising organisation.

"I've never started a conversation about reading with a child with his/ her parents. But I have been asked by several parents how their children are progressing. And in that situation, I do answer, it would be weird I think to do anything else."

This is exactly the point. What a parent helper might think is OK to divulge, actually, isn't. It is absolutely not appropriate to talk about it at all - positive points or not. ChocolateWombat is right with 'oh I think you'd need to speak to the teacher about that, because there is more to the reading skill than what I'm involved with'

Even if parents ask, you don't say. All queries should be referred to the teacher.

I am a parent helper at my dcs school. I do help in both their classes but will go wherever i am asked to go. As a result of this i am now doing level 3 ta diploma and am in school 3 days a week (unpaid) and am used as paid supply cover if needed. There are a number of parent helpers at the school but only 2 of us who do more than just reading. The other helper has an intervention group she works with a couple of times a week. Obviously, we have been volunteering at school a long time so have built our own reputations for being trustworthy people and have been given more responsibility. If a parent helper is talking in the playground about what they are doing then i doubt they will be doing it for long before the school find out and ask her to leave.

Our school has a few helpers but there is a rule in that you cant help in a class with your own child nor attend trips as a helper if your child is on them.

Very sensible and it does sort out who actually wants to help and who just want to be with their children.