Anyone else against parent helpers listening to children read in the classroom?

[MumbleJumbles]

I'm feeling a little uncomfortable at the moment with who listens to my children read at school.

My daughter is one of the top girls in her class for reading, my son is in reception so only just started to read.

A parent who I am good friends with, volunteers as a parent helper. She usually does painting / baking / craft stuff in the classroom. But on 2 occasions recently, has come out of school and told me she's listened to my children read and then made a comment on their reading skills (not derogatory, just a general "oh I listened to 'L' read today, coming along nicely").

I don't really feel comfortable with this, and I'm not sure what benefit there is in my kids being listened to by somebody elses parent (whose kids are in the same classes as mine)?

Am I being unreasonable / irrational?

givemeaclue - yes we have considered emailing the teacher to request this, but then I think i'm being daft going that far. But I will consider doing so if the ridiculous competitiveness continues.

Yes everything does revolve around school for this friend - she never used to be like this when she had a pre-schooler. I don't think she means any harm, she just appears to have made school her main focus now both her kids are there, and everything is about school / academics/ homework / reading / what they're all wearing for book week fancy dress etc etc. Its tiring and tedious. I try to swing the conversation round to other stuff, but it invariably ends up back at school chat

I would feel uncomfortable on another parent in my DCs class hearing them read and them commenting on it. Might not be rational but I've been made to feel really awkward by a Mum I new a little letting me know the opinion her friend had on my DS literacy/numeracy skills. (Her friend who I do not know at all, volunteered in DS year R class)

Our school doesn't have parent volunteers due to problems with confidentiality many years ago. I wouldn't want my friends helping in my children's classes.

YABU, but equally she shouldn't be commenting to you about your DD's reading. The mother of one of DS's friends used to listen to DD1 read last year, but she never said anything to me about the reading -- she did make a point of telling me how generally lovely in terms of personality DD1 was, though, which I suppose I should strictly speaking object to but didn't .

newbieman1978 - I would (shamlessly!) say that I'm not in the slightest bit guilty at not helping out in school. I could (I only work part time) but I choose not to as I strongly feel that school is my kids one and only environment where I am not present (unlike swimming or ballet where one watches from the side-lines), & I don't want to impose on that environment because I think they gain masses of independence and confidence in being in school on their own, without me breathing down their necks in the classroom (ok, I know parent helpers don't literally do that!).

I won't discuss it with the school formally as I think it'd be unfair on this mum (at this stage). Like I say, I don't think she means harm, she's just feeling important at being in the know, and sharing it with the rest of us in the playground. But I might discuss with a teacher at parents eve if competitiveness continues and my daughter is upset about it. And, if I were gini99, I think i'd definitely be saying something to the school!

It sounds like your issue isn't having a parent read with your child, it's that parent sharing information that, if not exactly confidential, isn't really for public consumption, in the playground.

Perhaps have a quiet word with the teacher, to suggest she reminds all parent helpers not to discuss the children's work with parents, and that it is her job to pass on that sort of information.

I used to go in weekly, to read with children from ds3's Yr 2 class. It was a lovely experience, and I enjoyed helping them - but I am pretty sure it was made clear that we didn't discuss what the children were achieving outside of the classroom (I had a reading record, so I could let the teacher know what we'd read and how the child had done). I should say, though, that as ds3 is 17 this year, my memory may be a bit sketchy!

I've known some parents get pretty narked because they volunteered to help out in classrooms, then found they couldn't operate precisely on their own terms, ie help out in the classes they rather than the HT had chosen. They withdrew their applications, but I think the HT was right to want to avoid the kind of scenario outlined in the OP. Right for our school anyway.

I'm very grateful for parent helpers listening to the children read. I do agree with others that parents shouldn't help in their child's own class though. I've never had a parent helper make a comment to me about DS's reading though. I didn't even know who was doing it until he said good morning to one the other day!

I did Mumble - a couple of weeks ago after the autism 'diagnosis' I marched straight off to the Head who was horrified and said she would 'take urgent steps to ensure volunteers understood confidentiality' (and told me that the volunteer in question was talking rubbish re the 'autism'). We'll see…. I should say we also have great volunteers who are really valuable e.g. one who does loads of PE with lots of different year groups as she has lots of experience in the area. That's brilliant and I certainly don't object to being told that DS played tag rugby and had great fun!

I think it's often weak leadership at the school that's the problem. If the school take care in recruiting volunteers, train them and keep appropriate boundaries then that is great. At ours the school seems to let people become unofficial members of staff - they use the staffroom, come in several times a week etc. TBH I think it would be a pain if you were a teacher too, pretty hard to relax if the place is full of parents.

Yes my mum worked in a school for years (bursar so support role rather than teaching) but said that they NEVER let parent helpers in the staff room as that was the one place teachers could vent about rubbish mornings with difficult kids etc (which obviously no parent should hear about!). I don't think my friend is allowed in the staff room per se, but she did inform me of the staff room 'cake rota' the other day that she had spotted whilst passing through, so was going home that morning to do some home-bakes for the teachers (even though she isnt on the rota).

Arghhh - why should that annoy me?? I just don't know, but it does!! Perhaps its me with ishoooos!!

Gini99 - is the mum still allowed to help in the classroom?

She hasn't spoken to me since….

ouch!

...but good on you!

I should say I didn't make a complaint against her (I feel sorry for her in many ways). I just asked the school whether they had any concerns about my DS as "a volunteer" at the school had approached me in the playground to tell me that there was concern that he was on the autistic spectrum and this was not something the school had ever raised with me. The Head was mortified and probably drew her own conclusions...

My HT refuses to have parents helping in their own child's class, apart from on trips or walking out somewhere. Precisely for the reasons you mention.
I doubt she'd be successful in securing a coveted TA job in the school if it were known that she was talking unprofessionally in the playground.

We live in a (highly competitive) grammar town, so lots of mums are interested in where their child/ren stand against others in terms of achievement etc. Its only natural I guess. But I wonder whether our school might benefit from having a policy of mums only helping in classes that don't include their own. I might mention to a friendly parent governor.

MumbleJumble

Genuinely it sounds like your friend desperately wants to be part of this environment.

I think she's doing all she can to make a good impression - either to work her way into a TA position at the school or use it for a reference for a teach training college/ PGCE course.

She sounds absolutely wrapped up in this and won't talk about much else - and that's what you're finding grating - but then I think most people would.

I have a dear friend who has a very ill father and that's all we talk about right now. But I know it's a phase - and this too will pass (sadly most likely with her father's death). I also know right now she needs a listening ear and support.

I suspect your friend enjoys what she's doing, likes being 'in' on things, knowing what goes on behind the scenes and who's who (the latter I am jealous about because I often have no idea who some people are at our school and its only a single form entry - just have had a huge amount of staff turnover though).

This too will pass. She'll either settle into a role there or move on to another school. Either way at that point professionally she must be confidential so problem solved.

thanks pastsellbydate - your words are very reasonable and rational (as opposed to my irrational thoughts!!)

You mean your HT declines the generous offer of voluntary assistance by parents in their child's class but suggests to them it would be welcome in other classes clam, or indeed to support trips and out of school visits?

Yes, juggling. The previous Head began it, the new head arrived and thought it seemed too heavy- handed so changed things back, but within a year, had re-instated the plan. We had a real problem with confidentiality, and from what I've read on here over the years, it's not unusual.

It was just the way you put it clam - "refuses to have"

• just that I like to see parents treated with respect especially when they're offering to help.

Wow, loads of posts so no idea if it has been said before but parent helpers should not be helping in their own children's classes.

I've found it's not easy to volunteer anywhere OTHER than my children's classes... when I've offered to help in school (whether reading, maths or anything else) via the school office, I never hear anything back. When I tell my children's class teachers I'm happy to come in and help in any class if required, they always say they'd like me to help in their class. There doesn't seem to be a central co-ordination system: the teacher who gets asked is the one who takes! I guess it has the advantage that the teacher concerned knows the parent, so can come up with excuses if they really don't want them to help (like they've already got enough helpers at the moment, or something...). Basically, at my dss' school, the assumption seems to be that parents will help on their own children's school trips and in their children's classes and not elsewhere. The only exception to this is when they are desperate for help on school trips and not enough parents from the year concerned have offered to help. Consequently, I don't tend to volunteer at all for school trips, because I know my children would be hanging off my arm and making it very difficult for me to give proper attention to all the other children. At least with reading and maths I can just tell my children the teacher didn't put their name on the list to read with me, today.

Well, I don't suppose she put it like that to them. Although, knowing her...