Anyone else against parent helpers listening to children read in the classroom?

[MumbleJumbles]

I'm feeling a little uncomfortable at the moment with who listens to my children read at school.

My daughter is one of the top girls in her class for reading, my son is in reception so only just started to read.

A parent who I am good friends with, volunteers as a parent helper. She usually does painting / baking / craft stuff in the classroom. But on 2 occasions recently, has come out of school and told me she's listened to my children read and then made a comment on their reading skills (not derogatory, just a general "oh I listened to 'L' read today, coming along nicely").

I don't really feel comfortable with this, and I'm not sure what benefit there is in my kids being listened to by somebody elses parent (whose kids are in the same classes as mine)?

Am I being unreasonable / irrational?

When I used to go in and help with reading, a friend of mine wanted to know where her child compared to the rest of the class! Looking at the reading logs would show who was reading to parents at home, and for some children, their only change to practise, was with a parent helper.

"Coming along nicely is the blandest non descriptive comment ever. It means nothing it's just something to say.

The comment wouldn't have even registered with me tbh. It's the kinda answer you'd give if the competitive mum asked how she was doing and you didn't want to huge anything away.

I think they should and I don't see why any parent should be excluded from helping their own class. It's particularly important that all kids get to read as much as possible, whether with a teacher, TA or a parent.

If this mother is competitive and it annoys you just ignore that part of it. The fact is, she is helping the children in the class, including yours, by listening to them read.

sparklysilversequins - yes I get your point, and yes you're right it is better to have more people in the classroom. And you're also right that I felt uncomfortable to have her opinion on my childrens reading, teacher-stylie in front of a group of other mums in the playground. It didnt matter that it was a fairly innocuous comment, just that she felt it necessary to give me her opinion as though she was some paid employee of the school. I admit that I am probably being irrational about it, but it made me feel uncomfortable, hence starting the thread.

Give anything away- iPhone fail

And its true, as mentioned by another poster, that a few children are rarely listened to at home . I always try to listen to those first

The principle is a good one I think, but the mum in question would piss me off as well. You say she's a good friend. Is she though?

I do agree that she shouldn't be making any comments though. Perhaps because her comments are innocuous she is just trying to be nice and make conversation?

"I would feel a lot more uncomfortable if I knew someone who helped out in class and I asked how my child was doing & they said "Sorry! Can't say a thing! It's entirely confidential you know!""

I am expected to write in the child's reading diary. I hope that my comments are useful to the child, teacher and parent. If a parent wants more information than my one line of scribble then they should make an appointment with the teacher.

I think its a mistake to rush through the reading levels. A child needs to do more than just bark at print. I always ask children questions about what they have read and I try and get them to work on reading with expression.

Listening to older chidlren read is enlightening. For example I have found getting a child to breathe at commas and full stops improves their comprehension. Some children read at 90 miles an hour as if they want to get the ordeal over and done with. Again when someone makes them slow down their comprehension improves dramatically.

I think it's very inappropriate of your friend to talk to you about reading with your children and how she thinks they are progressing, but I guess she thinks it's OK to do that because she's a friend of yours? At least she's being transparent! Clearly she's insecure, if she feels the need to know how other children in her dd's class are doing. I find it an offensive assumption, however, that all parents who volunteer have the same motives. Some people actually volunteer to help because they want to be helpful, you know.

ps I entirely agree with HRHLadyG.

I think parent helpers mean children get to do more reading so has to be a good thing. It's not a new thing, my mum used to volunteer at my primary school and I'm in my 30s now. I did feel uncomfortable when one of the volunteer mums commented during a playground conversation when dd was in R. Someone was asking me about reading with dd and how we do it and this other mum joined in saying "yes but your dd is extremely bright isn't she so it's important not to compare" and then went on to explain that she listened to dd and her class reading. She meant it in a complimentary way and not snide at all but it did make me uncomfortable. dd is bright and does sometimes stand out from the others so isn't surrounded by friends so I really don't want her singled out by the parents too. As a one off I'd just smile and let it pass by but if it continues I would say something to her. tbh I think my face gave away my awkwardness as I don't hide my emotions well, especially when caught off guard.

I think you have a valid concern OP. I wish our school would adopt a policy that you only help in classes in which you do not have a child. It's not parent helpers as such but the mixed motives that SOME people can have in going into the class.

E.g. there is a woman in my DS's school who has openly told me that she goes in to help because she has anxiety and needs to understand how things are in class to trust the school. She has a lot of time (SAHM only child) and goes in at least once a week so seems to think she has a semi-official capacity. She's quite happy to speculate, for example, that X's behaviour is getting worse because her parents are divorcing or Y appears to have ADHD like his brother. The last straw for me was when DS became a free reader. He was fairly early in doing so and apparently several levels above her DD so she accosted me in the playground to tell me that he was probably hyperlexic and autistic and I should get him 'assessed'. I went straight to the Head who was hugely apologetic and assured me that the school considered that she was utterly wrong. If he had been then this would clearly have been a very damaging way to be told.

She is pretty extreme but I do think going to help in schools can be a way for some people to try to compete and control their child's environment. It can lead to some fairly nasty gossip and breaches of confidentiality If you're going to help in another class then it eliminates many of these problems.

I help out at school but never with dd's year group

I received training before I was let loose and have observations periodically to make sure I'm keeping in top of phonics etc

It was made very clear to me before I started that if I spoke about the children to anyone other than the teaching staff then I wouldn't be allowed to continue

I listen to all year groups from reception to yr 6 and I would never comment to the parents, my friends don't ask me and only know I've read with their child if the child tells them

I used to hear readers and no way would I have commented to their parents about how they had read. DD1 was the worst reader in that class (by far) and I'd have hated it if a parent helper had gossiped

A few years later, the mum who listened to DD2's class did used to come up and tell me how well DD2 had read which was really

'Competitive mum' isn't the first thing that would spring to mind on reading your op, Mumble.

If you're good friends with this person, then I would have thought it fairly uncontroversial that she mentioned that she had heard your dc read. Your dc might well have told you, anyway.

Maybe she thought she had to make a (positive) comment, or you might have assumed she didn't have anything positive to say about their reading!

I was at primary school in the 80's and we had TA's (although only part time) and parent helpers who used to read with us.
I don't think children have become 'naughtier' but expectations have changed (not always for the better). Don't you think its better that there are more adults to support kids in their learning? Maybe the parents who help need to just be reminded about confidentiality?

Gini99 - this is exactly the mum you describe, SAHM who helps out because (in her words) it gives her day structure. She also comments on other families sometimes ("oh her brother has 'issues'" etc....said in hushed tones to me in the playground). And since she's started going in more frequently since youngest started in reception, she too has adopted a semi-official capacity (comes out of staffroom entrance with door-fob thing hanging round her neck, then has to make a big fuss about how she's still wearing it and takes it back in).

I know it shouldn't annoy me, but it does!

I honestly don't want anyone to think I abhor all parent helpers in the classroom, I really don't! There are plenty of mums who help in class, but don't bang on about it in the playground to me, they just quietly go about their business.

about what being 'naughtier and naughtier' has to do with reading to an adult? also about why the fact something happened 30 years ago and no-one died means nothing should ever be improved ever

Next thing you know, she'll have applied for a job as a TA at the school, MumbleJumbles...

When I was in infant/junior school many years ago the big ones used to listen to the little ones read.

I'd be having a word with the teacher mumble, she obviously has a lack of comprehension on what confidential means.

Well at least if she were a TA there'd be a contract, training and disciplinary process if she broke confidentiality. Much more difficult to take effective action if the person in question is a parent who gives her time of her own free will.

I think what you are feeling uncomfortable with is the comments the parent helper makes, perhaps because you think she has some information about your child? Seriously though, her comments to you about your child sound encouraging. As long as she doesn't talk about the other kids to you and you don't ask, I'd say you should welcome any extra attention your child gets in class. I helped out at my child's school. I didn't talk to the other parents about the children. I did get a kick seeing the children improve. They all loved to read whether able or not so able. And they loved having some extra attention and the ones who missed out that day would get rather disappointed. Even the good readers liked the praise and being able to show their skills, and the less able would try so hard and be so pleased with themselves when they had achieved something. I was proud of them too!

rabbitstew - I wouldnt actually mind if she did! At least she would be employed by the school and in an official capacity to comment, instead of giving her unofficial six-penneth worth (and might receive some relevant training, instead of talking to me as though she is an expert on child reading when she's no more qualified than me )

I do reading with both my DC's classes. I love it. I couldn't care less about what book band other children are on compared to my children. I have on occasion said to a parent how lovely their child is, or how fab their reading is, and they've seemed genuinely pleased. There was no ulterior motive but after reading this thread maybe I won't say anything in the future.