Anyone else against parent helpers listening to children read in the classroom?

[MumbleJumbles]

I'm feeling a little uncomfortable at the moment with who listens to my children read at school.

My daughter is one of the top girls in her class for reading, my son is in reception so only just started to read.

A parent who I am good friends with, volunteers as a parent helper. She usually does painting / baking / craft stuff in the classroom. But on 2 occasions recently, has come out of school and told me she's listened to my children read and then made a comment on their reading skills (not derogatory, just a general "oh I listened to 'L' read today, coming along nicely").

I don't really feel comfortable with this, and I'm not sure what benefit there is in my kids being listened to by somebody elses parent (whose kids are in the same classes as mine)?

Am I being unreasonable / irrational?

Rabbit - I don't think she'd bother with other classes because she has told me that she goes in because she gets panicked at not knowing what is happening to her DD. If she did I don't think it would be such a problem because often she lashes out at situations that make her feel worried. So my DS was probably 'high functioning autistic' because he was doing better at reading than her DD - it was a way of saying he wasn't 'better' he was a 'problem'

I help cause I have the time and I want to help my children's school. I am a Governor and that means I am often in school and not in my kids classes. But when I act as a parent volunteer (not Governor related) I always help in my daughter's classes - because it is my daughter's who ask me to help out and they want me to be there.

Gini99 - this woman sounds like she has major issues of her own, I have to confess I wouldn't want her working anywhere near my children if she is going to self-diagnose kids in the classes in which she volunteers. Is she still working in the school? I think i'd be emailing the head.....

I reckon you can divide volunteers into three groups at our school.
Type A help where ever needed, which ever classroom, sometimes commiting to a regular pattern that really help eg. two parents that read every day first thing with kids in Yr4. Making up the adult/pupil ratio on unpopular school trips, often with their kids year group but will help with others when called at short notice.

Type B make a big fuss in Year R & 1, organise childcare for younger siblings, turn up at first but gradually drop out. Finding more and more excuses when once they'd been so keen to be in the classroom. They go in suss out their kids place in the academic and social whirl, work out who else is good/clever/got rich parents and then armed with knowledge use that to encourage friendships and activities outside of school.

Type C realise they can't stay at home all day and need a job with school hours, aim longterm to become a teaching assistent. Nightmare in a busy body important way when their kids are growing up but their heart is in the right place and they calm down eventually.

Ok Mumbles:

I get that you think this parent is 'overly' attached to wanting to be in class with her kids - maybe see how things are going or by 'helping a lot' somehow garnering her children extra attention/ favour.

Every school handles this differently. Some schools have no parent volunteers. Some have volunteers but not in their child's class. My brother's school (US) insists every parent volunteers 1 day a month - and they do (which amazes me) - but very prosperous areas and mostly SAHMs.

I think the reality is that any solution - has it's pro's and con's.

As you're not in the school yourself (I presume) - how can you judge whether this woman is doing a good job or not (regardless of qualification)?

I think the reality is that you have no problem with volunteers - but maybe the problem is that you have an issue with this woman?

I wouldn't mind any of my friends reading with my kids - and they do. Childless friends have had my kid and a book foisted on them whilst I do the dinner dishes for years.

Is the problem that this woman isn't really a 'friend' but is actually a 'frenemy'?

Gini99 - I have to say, I would rather someone volunteering at the school wasn't doing it more for their own therapy than for the benefit of the children! I fully understand your concerns: she doesn't at all seem to have the right motives.

I think I'm type D. I like reading and I like kids and thought it would be a nice thing to do and it is. I reckon I'll last about two terms.

Borderbinliner - you're spot on! And my friend is type 3 - already said she expects to get a TA job out of it

Pastsellbydate - i'd be sad if she were a 'frenemy', we've been really good friends since our daughters started school (now yr3). Its all started going wrong since our youngest started in reception in September and she's helping out more in school. She's adopted a position of 'fountain of all knowledge' school wise, telling us mums in playground what goes on in the classroom, correcting if we say something slightly wrong about a particular area of curriculum. Then telling me she'd listened to my kids read and one was 'coming along nicely' was kind of the last straw.

I can't help myself, rightly or wrongly it just grates me!!

OP

I think its good your child has got somebody to listen to her read. many schools rely on parents to do this and those schools without extra help are struggling to fit reading in a lot of the time.

In answer to your question, yes children do seem naughtier since the 80's, mainly since physical discipline is no longer allowed, thank goodness.

However, your friend should have been told that the information she gave to you was confidential. I have heard parents ask the TA in the playground how their dc is coming on, the TA has informed them they have to come into school if they are at all worried about progress. She should not be discussing it in the playground.

Yeah - MumbleJumble - she's using this 'volunteering' position as a stepping stone - to teacher training to a TA position.

I don't know what to advise - it's clearly getting on your nerves - but it sounds to me like she's feeling important from doing this and maybe it's going to her head a bit.

The lady that helped my kids was very mellow, just made a comment that she'd been reading with DD1 which I then followed up on with 'How she's doing - I know she's really struggling' and lead to several conversations over that year about what I could do to help, what I could be reading, ensuring books made it home, etc...

it was genuine, it was useful and it was definitely the only feedback on my child's reading I received that year.

It's your friend which is the problem here not parent helpers.

I am near 40 and my mum used to come into nursery and read to us and help kids with their reading. Her mum used to listen to her read over 60 years ago. They have been around donkeys years but I agree it is only recently that they have become so prolific, possibly due to budget restrictions. I remember TA's as well, one in primary and a couple in secondary. DD2 has 2 teachers and 4 TA's in foundation 2.

Parent helpers can be a great help if they are trained properly, and it doesn't take long and they need to be confidential. Any problems or improvements they encounter with a child should be flagged to the teacher who will then decide if the parent needs telling or not.

How about politely telling her to butt out

I think it sounds as if you are being unnecessarily touchy about the whole thing. Parent helpers do a great job giving up their time to help out and I imagine she was just making conversation and trying to be pleasant. Really, I think this is a non-issue!

pastsellbydate - but is she correct in thinking that a bit of helping out in the classroom will put her in a position to apply for a (highly competitive in our area) TA job in the classroom? She's not worked for over 8 years now, but seems to think some casual helping in the classroom will get her to the top of the pile for any TA roles going in school? Surely you need NVQ's etc for TA jobs, not simply 'mum who's helped in class'?

Often "mum who's helped in class" gets a job as a dinner lady. Once the school knows you as a reliable dinner lady then you are guarenteed an interview for any TA jobs going. Plenty of TAs don't have NVQs or they get the NVQs on the job.

Helping out at school would certainly get a her a reference.

YANBU I am also uncomfortable with this situation. Some of the parent readers are great and know where to draw the line but some are purely there to gain insider knowledge and just cannot be trusted not to gossip.

As a parent who "did" reading with year 5's for yonks until dd reached it, you DO get to pick up an awful lot of info about th other children and their abilities.

I do understand completely why it could discomfort a mum. I predicted without a single fail who would go to the grammar school

Not to the other parents of course ... I mean in my head, you just knew, from how they read, from the TA and teacher and general observation

QOD - wow, that is kind of an enviable position to be in!

notalwaysabowlofcherries - yes I think you're probably right, I openly admit I'm probably being irrational about it, it just grates me that another mum in the playground (my friend) is talking to me in a way that makes me feel like she knows more about my own kids in school than I do (correcting me on class stuff etc), when she doesn't work in the school, she's purely another mum who happens to help in class several times a week.

Op, have a quiet word with the teacher and ask that this helper not read with your child as it seems to be generating an unhealthily competitive spirit. There are lots of other kids teacher can put her with to read. If she teacher is good, she will be able to manage this situation. Your friend does sound a pain but also quite sad in that her whole life revolves around the school. I know a couple people like this but they mean well and don't make competitive remarks so is not an issue.

Not to the other parents of course ... I mean in my head,

Just laughing to myself at the thought of QOD swanning round the playground telling other parents where she though their dc were going to end up!

Like the ops friend would do!

I think the issue is one of boundaries, and expectations given to volunteers. I would have a word with the school about the fact that volunteer readers are chatting to parents about their child's reading - which is the problem, really.

The fact that parents read with my child is brilliant, for me - my child loves reading with them, they get extra reading time on a 1-1 basis! I'd have no problem with that part at all.

Of course a good volunteer will (with appropriate qualies) been looked on more favorably if a position comes up.
A welfare assistant which is below a TA doesn't need any qualifications though GCSE maths and english are often desirable. Often a school will employ someone as a welfare while they study for there TA NVQ.

Good parent helpers are an asset to a school, this particular parent has perhaps shown signs of not being top drawer material. It could possibly be a problem in how the OP is viewing the situation, some parents feel guilty for not being about to help out and don't want to hear others stories. Just a thought.

A parent helper shound be confidental though and really shouldn't have mentioned anything about the op's children to her. Although if the helper was a friend she may have thought it was ok.

The schools I've been involved with try very hard to shield sensitive information away from parent helper, often they are discouraged from using the staff room and staff are discouraged from discussing non relevant information with them.

If you are concerned have a word with the school, the school won't want parents getting upset about the actions of a parent helper. It's a simple case of telling the helper "we don't need you anymore".

A word of caution though, be firm in your mind that this is a problem before you contact the school .

It was a small school I should have put bets on shouldn't I ....