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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

confused! suspension/exclusion?

151 replies

DeadMansBones · 20/12/2013 17:50

I was phoned by my sons school today and told that I must collect him due to an emotional outburst and that he couldn't stay at school in the frame of mind he was in.

of course I immediately went to fetch him, not sure what kind of state I was going to find him in. he was actually sitting calmly in a chair a bit tearful. it seems he had been asked to read out his homework to class and had refused and been rude and uncooperative. obviously this is unacceptable and we will be dealing with his behaviour.

i asked if he would be able to stay at school as he had calmed down and were told no the decision had been made that he was to go home.

what I am confused about is the school have said that this is not a suspension/exclusion, my husband spoke to the school when he got home from work and they said that it was agreed with me that it would be best for him to come home, this simply isnt true I specifically asked if he could stay at school.

my feeling is that they had lots going on today (school panto etc) and just didnt want to deal with things properly.

can they just send kids home without formally suspending them?

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Charmingbaker · 20/12/2013 17:58

Sometimes a school will ask a parent to come and collect instead of formally excluding. An exclusion would go on his permanent record. If an incident is seen as serious enough to require removal from the class, but not yet serious enough to exclude this option can be taken, particularly if a child gets overly emotional. You could have insisted he stay for the day and then it would have been up to the school how they proceeded.

clam · 20/12/2013 18:13

Grey area, I would say. But isn't it better, from his and your point of view, that he doesn't have this episode on any official record? And you can maybe all work together to get some strategies in place to avoid it happening again?

Original poster

DeadMansBones · 20/12/2013 18:19

I agree about it being a good thing that it isnt on his record.

this isnt the first time that he has behaved like this, we have meetings and talk about strategies for managing his behaviour (having a time out area, 1to1 time with the behaviour support assistants) then he'll have a period of being calm and well behaved and all the support fizzles out.

I just dont want sending him home to become a habit as I think he needs to learn to cope with being at school.

we filled out a CAF form a couple of weeks ago with the family liasion worker but havent heard back yet.

OP posts:

OneInEight · 20/12/2013 18:26

It is an illegal exclusion. Schools are not allowed to send kids home to cool off. Sadly, from bitter experience I know the rules!

Is it a frequent occurrence that your son gets stressed at school or a one off? You need to find out the reasons and work out strategies with the school to help reduce the stress. In our experience punishments at home do not help the situation so do be wary of coming down too hard on him.

OneInEight · 20/12/2013 18:29

Cross-posted. Exclusions at primary level get wiped off the record when the child moves to secondary. It is actually in your son's interests to have a written record of such behavioural incidents as this will help you in the battle to get support for him.

Original poster

DeadMansBones · 20/12/2013 18:31

he has been having issues for about a year now, hes now in yr5.

he can have a really bad week with a few outbursts of varying severity and then go a few months without any problems.

he really bottles things up and is so hard to get him talking about what upsets him. a lot of it seems to be when he feels embarrassed about something, I think he is quite lacking in confidence.

OP posts:

clam · 20/12/2013 18:36

Why was he asked to read his homework out to the class? Surely if a child, any child, let alone one who is prone to emotional outbursts, is reluctant to do so, the teacher should pass on it and not enforce it?

Original poster

DeadMansBones · 20/12/2013 18:40

thats how I feel clam, I'm starting to doubt myself though and feel like maybe I'm being to soft on him.

considering it was the last day of term and they were mainly doing fun stuff anyway it seems heartless to make him anxious over such a silly thing.

OP posts:

clam · 20/12/2013 18:44

Absolutely. I speak as a teacher and sometimes I despair!

Original poster

DeadMansBones · 20/12/2013 18:48

I am just exhausted with it all, the last 3 wks have been awful.

thank god its the holidays.

OP posts:

SweepTheHalls · 20/12/2013 18:50

Illegal exclusion. Get in there on the first day back and kick ass!

clam · 20/12/2013 18:52

Yes. Remember that it's been a very long term and the children are all exhausted and falling out with each other left, right and centre. Even my ds, who's 17, passed out fast asleep on the landing this afternoon!

Have a complete break over Christmas (haha!) and start afresh in January.

Original poster

DeadMansBones · 20/12/2013 18:52

is it really illegal? what can I do about it?

I just really got the feeling that it was for their convenience and that it wasnt in ds's best interest.

gah stress!

OP posts:

clam · 20/12/2013 18:53

My "yes" there was to the OP, not sweep.
I would let this one go and start anew in January. Defer "kicking ass" until any further episode.

tethersend · 20/12/2013 18:59

Just to each what others say, this is an illegal exclusion. The [[http://media.education.gov.uk/assets/files/pdf/s/exclusion%20from%201%20sep%202012%20guide%20for%20those%20with%20legal%20responsibilities%20in%20relation%20to%20exclusion%20june.pdf guidance is very clear- see point 3.13

tethersend · 20/12/2013 18:59

guidance

tethersend · 20/12/2013 19:00

Clearer than I am anyway

prh47bridge · 20/12/2013 19:08

As others have said this is an illegal exclusion.

As this was the last day of term I'd be tempted to let this one go. But if it happens again I would go in with all guns blazing.

Original poster

DeadMansBones · 20/12/2013 19:13

I want the school to know that I am aware that what they have done is wrong, I dont want my sons behaviour problems brushed under the carpet I want him to have the support he needs. because he is good most of the time it seems nothing is getting sorted.

how long does it take to get support after filling in the caf form?

OP posts:

OneInEight · 20/12/2013 19:16

In the light of our experience I would ask for a meeting with the HT asap to ask what support can be put in for your son. As it sounds like there have been several incidents already there is really no point waiting for more unless any extra support has already been put in place. There is no need to go in with guns blazing but you do need to point out that sending your son home is not an effective behavioural plan. If he is anything like my son he may well perceive it as a reward!

It takes a very long time to get support from outside agencies even when the school is onside (which they probably will be if your son is causing problems in class). Sadly, my son (now diagnosed AS) was permanently excluded before help could be got for him although he is now thriving in a special school.

Original poster

DeadMansBones · 20/12/2013 20:44

I've sent the school an e-mail, if not I'll just stew on it all holidays.

I've basically made it clear that I know they cant just send him home like that and that I want strategies put in place and stuck to. I feel like they and me to be honest have been letting him down

OP posts:

admission · 20/12/2013 21:21

I think that you have done the right thing by informing the school you know that their action was inappropriate.
It is important that your son is made to realise that everybody needs to get to the bottom of why these occasional outbursts happen and that actually it is for his benefit. He needs to co-operate with everybody and try to behave
I think you need to go an see the head as soon as possible in the new term, explain what action you have taken with regard to your son and then ask the head what the school intends to do about things now. They should be able to say what the CAF is likely to yield in terms of outside support or expertise to identify what is the problem with your son.
I think it is important that you do get the message over to the head that you understand that what happened was incorrect legally and it was an illegal exclusion. Do not be surprised if the head reacts negatively to that, it seems to be a poorly understood legal requirement and many schools do wrongly send pupils home to ""calm down". To reiterate sending pupils home is illegal and if the head says otherwise direct them to the exclusion guidance dated September 2012, paragraph 13.

Original poster

DeadMansBones · 20/12/2013 21:32

We have spoken to him until we are blue in the face to try and make him understand that he needs to open up and talk about whats bothering him. Its like pulling teeth!

the problems are pretty much only at school.

OP posts:

Original poster

DeadMansBones · 20/12/2013 21:34

I think the head will try and make it out to be a misunderstanding. she told oh we mutually agreed it when I actually specifically asked if ds could stay.

OP posts:

tethersend · 20/12/2013 21:56

It doesn't matter if you agreed it or not- it's still an illegal exclusion, and the school has acted unlawfully.

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