confused! suspension/exclusion?

[DeadMansBones]

I was phoned by my sons school today and told that I must collect him due to an emotional outburst and that he couldn't stay at school in the frame of mind he was in.

of course I immediately went to fetch him, not sure what kind of state I was going to find him in. he was actually sitting calmly in a chair a bit tearful. it seems he had been asked to read out his homework to class and had refused and been rude and uncooperative. obviously this is unacceptable and we will be dealing with his behaviour.

i asked if he would be able to stay at school as he had calmed down and were told no the decision had been made that he was to go home.

what I am confused about is the school have said that this is not a suspension/exclusion, my husband spoke to the school when he got home from work and they said that it was agreed with me that it would be best for him to come home, this simply isnt true I specifically asked if he could stay at school.

my feeling is that they had lots going on today (school panto etc) and just didnt want to deal with things properly.

can they just send kids home without formally suspending them?

A man from Childrens Integrated Services just called me about the CAF.

He said they do not see any need for them to get involved at the moment, that I need to speak to the school and see how they can get the behaviour support team to work more closely with ds.

so that was a bit pointless.

oh and I mentioned an ed psych and he said it wouldn't happen because ds is meeting his targets.

Has that person who called got a name?

If so, write to him quoting what he said about CAF not needed and about if now being up to the school to support your Ds and copy in the school, and file a copy for yourself. If you are feeling cheeky you can put the cc at the bottom and include a reference to 'file'.

yes he gave me his name and contact details and said I can call him at any time, he was actually really nice and helpful.

He said he has spoken to the family liasion worker and left it up to her to push the school. The family worker is really lovely, she has only been at the school since sept so hopefully with her involved things will start to change.

The senco always just seems to talk about what we do at home, she even said to OH once how is yours and DS relationship we know what sons and fathers can be like, do u argue over the tv remote, WTF

My DS is above average for academic targets yet he now has a full statement of educational need and now attends a special Autism unit.

Its a common myth, even amongst some professionals, that if the child is within the average rather wide band for key topics then they can't have help. The emotional behaviour and social skills development are a key part of school development. This is recognised within the lengthy special educational needs documentation. I believe early intervention in assisting in these areas is critical to prevent a wider gap developing in respect to peers.

You are not another wingy parent, actually I think very few are. You are your sons champion. You know that the school needs a firm shove in the right direction. I've come to believe over the years that first response is the fob off. This cuts over half the workload because we're British and we don't like to fuss

I don't know if this has been raised but you can apply to the council direct for an assessment for statement, not just via the school. Its not that having a statement is the be all and end all but the assessment process means that you'd get various agencies in to assess.

The parent statement is a very important part of this process. The form gives a half page block and advises you can do supplementary pages. Mine was 29 pages. Hampshire county council have some great guidelines on their website relevant regardless of where you are.

It sounds like you have some lovely people involved now, but I would still urge you to write. The more you get written down the more of a record of promises, attitudes, support plus whether it is working or not and should personnel change you have a record of truth, not to mention time frames.

It is immensely helpful to have a record that says Family Liaison suggested x, SENCO agreed, it's been 3 months now with no action on this point. Iyswim.

And yes. Ignore the EP comment. Meeting targets is not a good reason to refuse. An EP is able to assess whether the targets, though met, are appropriate or even relevant.

I need to give myself a kick up the bum, my own anxiety and shyness make me far to easy to fob off. I need to get tough for ds's sake.

That's why writing is good. You don't have to face anyone.

When I was dealing with various agencies I told them my preferred method of communication was writing (letters/email) and I didn't want any more meetings. They weren't especially delighted with that but it was tough really.

DS1 is G&T but still has a statement. He's achieving above average in literacy, despite an early language delay but he wouldn't be demonstrating achievement in literacy at all without lots of active intervention.

Seconding what MisFor said - we often have to remind ourselves on the SN boards that we are our DC "best and only advocate" because it's wearing, having to spend so much of our time being so assertive.

Exactly what happens to make them want to send him home, what happens during these emotional outbursts? Is he violent, screaming, crying hysterically?

I don't see how OP can be a crud parent if the outbursts are only happening at school.

DS has trouble at home, in school, in clubs (has been kicked out of a few), with family: in short, he has trouble everywhere.

In your long developmental list your son sounds well within the normal range to me.

When I agreed to take him home a couple of weeks ago he had become very distressed and was throwing stuff around the classroom (other kids had gone to lunch) and was charging around the school, on this occasion he had refused to read his work out and was rude to his teacher, no violence and he was calm when I arrived.

I honestly think it was the last day of term, the teachers were about to perform a panto and they didnt have the time to deal with him.

He's not perfect at home, I think the difference is at home he can just take himself off to his room slam the door and we just leave him to cool off.

He's fine to take out, no trouble at football training or matches, fine at swimming lessons.

So that was a couple of weeks ago, but what about on the past Friday (3 days ago). What exactly did he do that was rude & uncooperative?

Do you know how the school handles bolshy children as a rule? Ours often get sat outside HT's office for long spells.

I think throwing stuff around counts as violence in school environment.
What did he say to be rude to the teacher on that occasion (weeks ago)?

Seems odd he was alone in classroom.

sorry the first part of the paragraph is about the incident a couple of weeks ago the second part is about this time.

This time there had been no violence, he refused to read his work out and refused to leave the classroom. The school really didnt give a very thorough explanation.

I honestly wouldn't describe him as bolshy, I think most of his outbursts stem from embarrassment.

He just refuses to co operate, the rudeness was refusing to do as he was told and shouting that he hates the school.

oops, sorry, I see how I misread your posts.
Wow, your school is LAME. Are the rest of the children automatons, maybe? Why can't they handle a bit of shouting & sulking? Is the whole idea to embarrass him into better behaviour by sending him home?

It doesnt make sense does it? ds was embarrassed he didnt want to come with me to pick dd up later that day in case he saw his friends and they asked about it.

Have u found any strategies/methods that make a difference with your ds?

Funny enough, DS just had a 4 week "anger management" course; they sent us some summary papers in the end. The gist of the paperwork was "Don't get emotional in return." Well duh, I figured that part out when he was 5. And it's about the only thing that works, that and offering sympathy to get him to work thru his worries. DS is especially triggered by having to write or draw after the long summer break, so it's one thing we can try to head off by giving him writing & drawing exercises over summer.

DS was giggling while he tried hard to kick a TA, when he got formally excluded (yr2). He wasn't sent home or excluded for things like screaming for an hour (yr1), hiding in the classroom leading to a mini manhunt (yr4), hitting, pushing or kicking others, sullen comments, random shouting, refusing to do work on many many occasions, obvious lies, sitting on the matt kicking anyone who came near and refusing to join in or do anything (2-4weeks in reception), refusing to talk all day (yr4), refusing to eat all day (yr4) & a few incidents of throwing items. Doubtless I shouldn't confess all that; but if you want to know what a more ordinary school can put up with without sending home, it's a sample.

Parents evening: Staff are obviously trained to start on a positive note with the difficult kids, and it's amusing to see what angles DS's teachers try to come up with in finding something positive to say. Have you had this?

btw, At high school they say that they prefer internal exclusions; so child gets shunted off from friends all day but not the fun of staying home/going home early. I guess you need to clarify with your school what they hope to achieve by sending him home. Giving him time & space to calm down and re-engage straight away with the environment might make more sense.

I think the school actually has quite a lot of children with behavioural issues and they have several behaviour support assistants so I dont know whats going on.

How qualified are these behavior support assistants?

No idea, they are led by the senco who I really dont have much faith in.

Starlight: "I see a Dx more as a 'signpost' you can hold up whenever anyone approaching appears lost. It's always your choice when you hold it up or not."

Wow, thanks, I love that. I shall remember that!

"Wow, your school is LAME. Are the rest of the children automatons, maybe? Why can't they handle a bit of shouting & sulking? Is the whole idea to embarrass him into better behaviour by sending him home?"

I'm a teacher and agree completely with lljlk here - this behaviour, while not part and parcel of a standard teaching day - was certainly not unusual. I think there's a danger here of convincing yourself that there's something 'wrong' with your boy when actually there's something wrong with how this behaviour is being dealt with by the school. What caused the first, more serious, incident? What was the trigger?

Sending a primary-school aged child home should be the absolute last resort, in my opinion, and really only when it's for the safety of the child, other children or a member of staff (i.e. a child having been violent towards a staff member). I think - unless the school are not being 100% honest about the severity of his behaviour - this is a gross over-reaction by the school.

However, agree with everyone else that say record every incident and communication. If it gets official, the school might be inclined to act on it a little bit more effectively.

Good luck and, as hard as it sounds, try not to worry over the Christmas break.

The trigger the previous time was an argument over a chair, he was asked to leave the classroom, refused and it escalated from there.