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Original poster

Teacher humiliated my son in front of classmates and parents!

295 replies

FrayedNerves · 18/06/2013 02:07

My son (6) was found swinging on a low tree branch at school during pickup time last week and (I was there but didn't see him doing it as i was dealing with my other lo) a teacher screamed at the top of her voice for him to get down... He of course immediately stopped what he was doing and came to her. Now this is where my problem is... She proceeded to humiliate and intimidate him by shouting in his face in front of all his classmates and parents. She was about 2' away from him and RANTED at him for an unnecessarily long time. He didn't cry (god knows I would have) but told me afterwards he was scared of her and felt his knees shaking.

The next day he didn't want to go to school and was upset several times in the night (nightmares). My issue is not that she reprimanded my son but that she proceeded to humiliate and intimidate him in the process, she just went on and on like she was trying to make him cry... I was so shocked and upset I couldn't say a word to her and just grabbed my children and left, if I had confronted her at that time I would have ripped her head off and would have been way too emotional. I now feel like I should have stepped in and I have failed him, I can't stop crying with the guilt! and I can't sleep.

I have reported this teacher to the school and when they asked what I wanted to achieve from my complaint, I said I wanted her to apologise to him for humiliating and intimidating him... They just looked at me like 'you want what?!' am I being unreasonable to request that from a person in a position of trust? My son has long term confidence issues of which the school is aware of and this incident has been very damaging. I don't think they will do anything about it...

Any advice on what else I can do? This teacher has been reported before. Thanks so much.

OP posts:
TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong · 18/06/2013 11:24

Well I don't believe the screaming in the face anyway.

FadedSapphire · 18/06/2013 11:24

I think you want this teacher monitored re her temper? A school can monitor teacher's behaviour if deemed necessary. Calm letter to Head re length of telling off, screeching and inappropriate language of the teacher. If you feel the Head will ignore, copy to Chair of Governors.

lottieandmia · 18/06/2013 11:28

'Yes, there are. There are also some parents who refuse to accept that when a child does wrong, it gets told it's done wrong.'

Your posts and the posts of some others come across as willfully obtuse.

The OP has said a number of times that she doesn't disagree with her child being reprimanded if necessary but for the way in which it was done.

Some teachers are like this - a friend of mine actually had a teacher come out at the end of the day and scream and shout at her saying she couldn't cope with my friend's dd who was in her class.

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong · 18/06/2013 11:32

I spoke to my daughter's teacher in no uncertain terms when she was smacked.

I am many things. Obtuse has never been one of them.

There are too many little hints in the OP's rants posts that indicate over excessive PFB zeal. I confidently predict that this mother will find fault with every teacher that ever dares criticise her children in any way.

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong · 18/06/2013 11:33

If a teacher came to me and said she couldn't cope with my child's behaviour then the first thing I would do would be to apologise for it.

lottieandmia · 18/06/2013 11:33

It's bad form to accuse the OP of lying.

lottieandmia · 18/06/2013 11:36

Well if a teacher can't cope with any child then they should not be teaching.

I have seen examples of so many teachers who are lazy and uninspiring (and probably only do it for the long holidays) when I actually worked as a TA in a school. It's the same as any other profession.

delboysfileofax · 18/06/2013 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

learnandsay · 18/06/2013 11:42

delboys, what do you mean the parenting was shit? What are you talking about?

lottieandmia · 18/06/2013 11:52

deboys RTT properly. I have reported your post - you have no right to attack the OP's parenting.

Some posters on MN just like to come on here and have a go at the OP for the fun of it. The OP doesn't deserve any of the rude comments about either her son or her parenting.

We are all upset when our children are treated in a way that is unfair. All children do get told off at school, but in an appropriate way. It's not unreasonable to expect teachers to set an example and behave properly themselves and not to frighten a child.

ReallyTired · 18/06/2013 11:53

The OP would be the first to complain if her son broke his neck swinging on a tree. Prehaps the child's safety is more important than his "self esteem".

In la la land teachers would never shout at children, however in la la land mothers would control their own children and teach them how to behave.

The teacher should not have shouted at the OP child but teachers are human. I admire anyone who can spend an entire day with 30 children and I can't blame them if their temper snaps. Especially if they have been working with ill manned spoilt precious first born brats who have never been told off in their lives.

lottieandmia · 18/06/2013 11:56

oh yes, teachers are such saints they can do what they like just because they teach 30 kids Hmm

GiveMumABreak · 18/06/2013 11:57

I remember at the school my kids used to attend - at pick up time (infants came out 15 min earlier than juniors) some of the kids would run riot and climb all over equipment, climb the fence, swing on trees, pull branches off the trees, play with sharp sticks and generally do ALL the things that they were not allowed to do during playtime.

But because they had already been handed over to their parents, the teachers no longer had a say in what was going on - it really was chaos and I remember feeling I needed to watch my DD like a hawk as there were unruly kids acting dangerously all over the show.

All of this happened while the parents turned a blind eye and had a good natter and catch up with each other and the teachers looked on in horror.

So perhaps this teacher was merely upholding the schools rules, perhaps the embarresment and humiliation you and your DS felt was because you should have been watching him more closely and been in control of him and his behaviour?

lottieandmia · 18/06/2013 11:59

GiveMumABreak - the OP was talking to her other child's teacher at the time.

burberryqueen · 18/06/2013 12:00

but in this case so was the parenting - omg so if your 6 year old swings on a tree branch you are a shit parent? ffs, grip, get a.

learnandsay · 18/06/2013 12:00

There's nothing wrong with swinging in trees. If he was pouring engine oil on another child's head I could see a problem.

delboysfileofax · 18/06/2013 12:01

Why reported lottie? Of course I can call her on her parenting! She has put it up for discussion on a public forum.

learnandsay · 18/06/2013 12:02

You can call a horse an elephant, but that doesn't make it one. Why was she a shit parent?

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong · 18/06/2013 12:07

Ah. I see on page 2 that when your son soiled himself in nursery she was also his teacher? And due to (presumably) there being no boy pants available she put him in girl pants? Which you found unacceptable and as a direct or otherwise consequence she was asked to leave but is now back? Have I read that right?

Quite a history you have between you.

(incidentally, would you also have complained about her had she left him sitting in his own shit/piss all day, rather than put him in girl pants?)

MoominMammasHandbag · 18/06/2013 12:08

Totally unacceptable to scream in a child's face and call them an idiot. If a teacher cannot exercise enough self control to discipline a child appropriately then they should not be teaching.
OP, you may well find that the school will welcome your complaint: they will need to gather a body of evidence in order to deal with her effectively.
I was taught by an absolute psycho for two years in primary school: screamed and spat at us, hit kids with cricket bats, threw chairs. When he wasn't being angry he was an interesting, cool, teacher, but we were always tip toeing around in his class. I suspect he lasted so long because he mainly hit the kids whose parents didn't give a shit about them anyway. Interestingly, when the school got a new head, a very gentle, lovely guy, he got his marching orders very quickly.

ReallyTired · 18/06/2013 12:09

Children need to learn to respect boundaries. If its against the rules to swing on trees at school then those boundaries need to be enforced. Is the school struggling with the behaviour of the OP children? (Ie if she got called in to talk about her other child?)

Getting told off is often part of school life. The only way to avoid being told off is to home educate.

mercibucket · 18/06/2013 12:11

schools have rules, swinging in trees off school premises is fine if the tree is sturdy enough, but if the school has a rule about it, then it shouldnt be done and if it is, then a telling off is to be expected

i am 50:50 on this, as the op sounds like she is exaggersting, but i can imagine a situation where a teacher might lose it and act inappropriately

there were lots of witnesses to this so perhaps a specific complaint about, eg, calling a child an idiot, would be more productive, with the outcome being training in how to discipline without using personal attacks.

but it would also be useful to double check that was what was really said

tbh, if you were there you should have
responded immediately in a non aggressive manner, not ignored it if it was as bad as you say
(or ideally stopped him swinging on trees at school in the first place)

GiveMumABreak · 18/06/2013 12:12

But if OP was not watching her DS (because she was talking to the teacher) after he was released into her care after school, then who was?

I imagine (that for whatever reason) swinging on the trees is something that the children are not allowed to do at playtime and that they know this (but the excitable kids are probably dying to have a swing at first opportunity!)

Possibly this teacher had been stopping children from doing this all day! and was at the end of her tether? (maybe the overreaction and 'rant' was also for the parents benefit to remind them to keep a closer eye on their little ones while still on school property)

I'm not defending the teachers over reaction by the way, just trying to say that perhaps OP is only seeing her DS as the victim and may benefit from hearing some other opinions too?

We all go into 'lioness' mode when our children are upset because our children are all perfect

learnandsay · 18/06/2013 12:12

I think the pants thing is a bit of a diversion (but in this thread does that matter?!) But wouldn't the pants have been covered up by his trousers? And at that age surely there isn't much difference between girls' pants and boys'.

MoominMammasHandbag · 18/06/2013 12:14

I would be happy to have my children told off. I would not be happy to have a teacher scream in my child's face for a sustained period and call them an "idiot". That is not a reasonable way to deal with things.

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