Teacher humiliated my son in front of classmates and parents!

[FrayedNerves]

My son (6) was found swinging on a low tree branch at school during pickup time last week and (I was there but didn't see him doing it as i was dealing with my other lo) a teacher screamed at the top of her voice for him to get down... He of course immediately stopped what he was doing and came to her. Now this is where my problem is... She proceeded to humiliate and intimidate him by shouting in his face in front of all his classmates and parents. She was about 2' away from him and RANTED at him for an unnecessarily long time. He didn't cry (god knows I would have) but told me afterwards he was scared of her and felt his knees shaking.

The next day he didn't want to go to school and was upset several times in the night (nightmares). My issue is not that she reprimanded my son but that she proceeded to humiliate and intimidate him in the process, she just went on and on like she was trying to make him cry... I was so shocked and upset I couldn't say a word to her and just grabbed my children and left, if I had confronted her at that time I would have ripped her head off and would have been way too emotional. I now feel like I should have stepped in and I have failed him, I can't stop crying with the guilt! and I can't sleep.

I have reported this teacher to the school and when they asked what I wanted to achieve from my complaint, I said I wanted her to apologise to him for humiliating and intimidating him... They just looked at me like 'you want what?!' am I being unreasonable to request that from a person in a position of trust? My son has long term confidence issues of which the school is aware of and this incident has been very damaging. I don't think they will do anything about it...

Any advice on what else I can do? This teacher has been reported before. Thanks so much.

[exoticfruits]

It really isn't that easy to move a Head!
You would have to go through the correct channels and both sides don't appear to understand the correct channels.

[Feenie]

Afaik, she has not prejudiced an investigation.

If she has told the parent concerned that a)another teacher has complained about the same incident and b) so have other parents, then she has definitely prejudiced an investigation.

And if parents have complained it will soon be common knowledge
If it is, then the teacher herself now has grounds for a complaint.

[Feenie]

If the complaint is against a member of staff, it is required by law to be dealt with under the school?s internal confidential procedures.

[Feenie]

Hard to stop parents talking to one another

The OP didn't say that - she said the Head had told her. That breaches confidentiality, and the teacher would have grounds for a grievance case if she knew. Ditto that the Head told the OP that another teacher has complained.

Head may find herself in a very difficult situation soon.

[SpecialAgentTattooedQueen]

OP, I would like to apologise for not believing you on how bad her behaviour was.

Best of luck to you and DS

[TapselteerieO]

I would write a letter about the incident, stating clearly what happened, when and where. Putting it in writing should ensure a proper response and it is good to have it on paper.

I would ask the school to let you know what they are going to do about this.

I have heard anecdotes about a bullying teacher (child having suicidal thoughts and been put on antid's) due to a teacher's behaviour. Same teacher was known to throw books at children, whack them over the head with books and eventually she physically assaulted a child - when the police became involved she resigned. Parents moved dc to other schools rather than have this teacher. I knew someone who had this teacher as a child and was dreading her children getting the teacher.

She only behaved this way when there were no adult witnesses - if a teacher behaved like the one in the op, in front of parents and other teachers I dread to think what she might do when there are no adults watching.

[exoticfruits]

I would read Allbubbles post. The main thing is that she changed schools and got her DC out of the environment where it can happen.
I think she did the important thing and would question whether the battle was worth it. It was never worth it for her own DC- it depends if you want changes for subsequent DCs and whether you think you will actually get them.
Personally I don't think it is a battle you will win, Allbubbles had a far stronger case of humiliation and didn't win- or hasn't won yet.

In the unlikely event that you force an apology do you really want your DS in that school? The reality is that if you do get an apology it will be a forced one and resented.

[exoticfruits]

To my mind it was simple in your case Allbubble, it was defamation of character- and should have had an immediate public apology. OP's DC was in the wrong in the first place- it is the manner of correcting him that is at fault. Any apology, which I doubt she will get, will be grudging along the lines of 'sorry BUT he shouldn't have been swinging on the tree' and I wonder what OP hopes to achieve?

[GibberTheMonkey]

Allbubble
Sounds you suffered the same closing of ranks I was talking about. Then with the teachers rights its impossible to find out what 'punishment' or retraning they have received.
Once you reach that point it makes it impossible to do much other than leave.
Sadly we left to another equally shit school. Now finally we are happy and our children are happy and getting brilliant results.

[clam]

But allbubble, do you really think that a grudging apology forced out of a Head who clearly isn't sorry in the slightest, is going to make you feel any different, 6 months on?

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Allbubbles - what sticks out for me is how staunchly you have stood up for your son. He will remember that in years to come, and it will mean a lot to him. My mum did not stand up for me, or even support me so I could stand up for myself, when I was bullied throughout senior school, and that was a huge factor in my developing depression as a result of the bullying.

[TapselteerieO]

Not all schools close ranks, I know it does happen but I also know that schools especially in Scotland can find it very difficult to remove teachers - even where the school are aware of the problem. The teacher I mentioned that eventually resigned had been a bully for a very long time and did not have the respect of most of her peers and I know the HT had been constantly trying to deal with her behaviour without support from his superiors.

Making sure your complaint is properly logged is important, I am not sure of the procedure but I wonder if HMIe would be interested in hearing about these incidents?

Writing a letter makes it official, if you don't get an adequate response in writing then take it further. Teachers are in a position of trust and bullies need to be dealt with wherever they are - but especially when they are teachers.

I feel for Frayednerves in the way some posters have responded to her, I actually checked to see if this was an AIBU post because of the tone of some of the posts. I hope she will not be put off posting in future.

I think parents are very rightly upset and get emotional for their dc when shit happens at school, I suppose because I am more used to reading posts in SN section. I always expect people on here to be supportive where the op obviously is upset and needs support.

[forehead]

would like to hear the Head's side. Something just doesn't add up.