Teacher humiliated my son in front of classmates and parents!

[FrayedNerves]

My son (6) was found swinging on a low tree branch at school during pickup time last week and (I was there but didn't see him doing it as i was dealing with my other lo) a teacher screamed at the top of her voice for him to get down... He of course immediately stopped what he was doing and came to her. Now this is where my problem is... She proceeded to humiliate and intimidate him by shouting in his face in front of all his classmates and parents. She was about 2' away from him and RANTED at him for an unnecessarily long time. He didn't cry (god knows I would have) but told me afterwards he was scared of her and felt his knees shaking.

The next day he didn't want to go to school and was upset several times in the night (nightmares). My issue is not that she reprimanded my son but that she proceeded to humiliate and intimidate him in the process, she just went on and on like she was trying to make him cry... I was so shocked and upset I couldn't say a word to her and just grabbed my children and left, if I had confronted her at that time I would have ripped her head off and would have been way too emotional. I now feel like I should have stepped in and I have failed him, I can't stop crying with the guilt! and I can't sleep.

I have reported this teacher to the school and when they asked what I wanted to achieve from my complaint, I said I wanted her to apologise to him for humiliating and intimidating him... They just looked at me like 'you want what?!' am I being unreasonable to request that from a person in a position of trust? My son has long term confidence issues of which the school is aware of and this incident has been very damaging. I don't think they will do anything about it...

Any advice on what else I can do? This teacher has been reported before. Thanks so much.

Frayed, I was shocked by the way you were treated on this tread too. You are not alone.

But MN can be very supportive. I hope you post again.

And I am so glad that other parents in RL reacted the same way as many of us here, and said so. I hope your ds regains confidence fast (I imagine he will, knowing his parent and others felt as shaky as he did at the teacher's manner).

Not a chance usualsuspect, I'll stick to lurking from not on lol

I would remove him. I had a similar problem. My son was in a great school but then we moved house and husband said it would be easier to change schools closer,to the new rental. I had a gut feeling this new school,would be no good.

On week 2 of joining,, i heard the nursery teacher screaming at the top of her lungs at a 4 yr old boy, he didnt want to attend school for the next week. We parents we all there waiting to get our kids we were gob smacked. I never shout at my kids like that, not unless the house was on fire. is this the way to discipline or instill fear in small kids? I'd be upset if my 4 year old was spoken to like that if you speak like an animals expect the behaviour to be returned. You can discipline without screaming like a hyena.

same school i heard other primary 1 kids getting shouted at very loudly, and I was sat outside the room waiting for my son,,first week in a new school. This doesn't give me a good impression.

Then second week my son is really upset, says he wants to go back to his old school because he was taken to the office for play fighting. he said He always play fighted in his last school and because the kids were happy and not hurt, the teachers were fine with the rough and tumble. But in this school his play fighting was mistaken for bad behaviour. So he didnt get a light reprimanding,he got marched to the office. The headmistress shouted at him, he said louder than dad ever does lol. I thought nothing of it,thought maybe he was naughty, or it was a one off misunderstanding, until i heard other parents criticising the headmistress on her discipline methods, ie shouting at top of lungs. It seems like the other teachers in the school follow suit, down to nursery level.

I know my sons boisterous, and can be cheeky but dangerous, a menace no. I removed him back to the other school, he's so much happier there, i never receive complaints about the teachers or him.

Even if he was on the tree branch she should have marched him indoors away from prying eyes of parents and had a word, not outside, humiliation is disgusting tactic to use on a small child. see if you can get his name on another school waiting list.

It is not that surprising that there is a similar thread, as lots of children climb trees, when they probably shouldn't.

FreyedNerves - I'm glad other people, including a teacher complained. It's also a positive sign that the HT called you aside to let you know that the other complaints had been made. To me this shows that she acknowledges that the incident took place and that the behaviour was inappropriate. Having said that, has the Head teacher explicitly reassured you that this is not the way discipline is usually handled at he school? I would still ensure that my complaints had been made in writing / formally recorded for future reference. I would also arrange a follow-up meeting with the Head Teacher, to debrief, once she has had more time to gather information, and take appropriate action.

Please don't be put off by a few negative posts.

If I was so unhappy with the school that I was going to have a big fight I certainly wouldn't leave my DC there.

I am new to mums net and have only posted once before.

I just wanted to highlight that I am disappointed by how aggressive some of the posters seem to be on here. There seems to be a scary amount of oneupmanship going on.

To the mum posting, I hope you get this resolved. I work in a professional role and take the approach that no matter the circumstances you should react in a calm and controlled way. To shout or lose your temper is to have lost the argument. I treat my child and other people's children as I would treat any other adult. Any adult playing a significant part in a child's life is a role model. Therefore surely a teacher shouting and name calling is setting a poor example?

'Any adult playing a significant part in a child's life is a role model. Therefore surely a teacher shouting and name calling is setting a poor example?'
Quite

'Sad thing is, lots of the doubters and justifiers on this thread seem to be teachers.'

Yes, because some teachers are very defensive if any other teacher is criticised generally. You have to wonder why.

OP, I am very glad that other people complained as well as you.

Sorry, but the bottom line is that you are responsible for your child's behaviour after they've been dismissed. If he was doing something wrong, then he (or you) needs to take responsibility for that.

That said, it sounds as though the teacher was a bit OTT. But I think you'll have a long wait for an apology.

Don't leave frayed

Mn can be a funny place. Remember the nice and forget the rest

Hope you get it all sorted, glad you got back up from other parents

In the last few years on MN some really unpleasant people have appeared who seem to enjoy just being nasty for the hell of it. This happened to me last year when my dd had norovirus and I posted to ask how much I should let her drink as every little sip was making her vomit violently. Some really nasty people appeared and told me I was a bad parent. I have been here for 10 years and was shaken up by it.

Please don't let a few unpleasant people make you leave MN. Some of us do try to give constructive help.

This teacher behaved disgracefully. There is never any need to rant and rave at children. She only needed to explain that he had broken a school rule and that she was unhappy that he had done so. Then, if the child did it again there would have to be a consequence - missing play time or something. Her behaviour was completely unacceptable. Glad some of the mums supported you and reported to Head. I am a teacher and any teacher behaving in that way in my school would receive a warning from the Head. The child just needed to be reminded that he had broken a rule and told not to do it again.

Your child should not have climbed a tree. At the school i work at there are a group of parents who refuse to adequately supervise younger dc while waiting for older ones, it is frustrating as an issue when we spend so much time creating the environment, getting eco awards etc. i frequently ask young children to stop it or get down and go and stand by their mummy, i'm not a shouter though. A colleague is and did a lesser rant at a child for the same. She didn't name call but parents still reported and she was ticked off by the head.

It is NOT ok for them to use words like idiot and stupid. Name-calling is not acceptable or professional. I pull the children up for using these (and worse) so could not use them, even if i was ranting.

Frayed, I'm glad other parents and at least one other teacher have complained. Sounds like the shouting scary teacher was completely out of order.

don't take the 'what do you hope to achieve from this complaint' line as a dig, its a normal question they ask to get a gist of the situation they are dealing with. don't feel bad about the way you reacted, it sounds better then having s showdown with his teacher in the playground (that would put you ion a much poorer position in terms of making the complaint). i think it sounds like you are doing the right thing, talk to your ds so he knows he knows he has your support and follow through with your complaint to the school. like others have said, if you don't get the right response straight off then take it higher. there's nothing wrong with showing dc you'll fight for him in this kind of situation (without resulting to fighting in the playground!)

Frayed I back you completely on this one. Can't believe some of the comments you've had. I think I'd be tempted to have a little quiet word in her ear myself . X

Why should the op have to move her child to another school because of a 'teacher' who can't hold her temper?! Frayed - I would be just as angry and if others say they wouldn't be I'm shocked. If anyone shouted and called my ds (who is 5) an idiot I'd have wiped the floor with them! I honestly don't think I'd be able to keep quiet! You handled the situation well because obviously screaming and shouting in front of children is not ideal so going to speak to the head was the best solution.
I would definately take it further, the fact that other people have now complained too just strengthens your argument.
Hope it all gets sorted x

Appalled by the apologists on this thread who equate discipline with 'a bollocking' that seems to reasonably include screaming and shouting. And in most other workplaces the inability to keep one's temper can be a disciplinary matter, particularly when there's a power differential. And before anyone starts - yes, teaching is stressful and kids are infuriating. I've worked in that environment. But lots of jobs are incredibly stressful and exhausting, and I don't believe either of those things is an excuse for bullying.

However if that's the kind of role modelling some kids are getting at school, it helps to explain the behaviour of some of the people I've hired early in their careers.

The idea of making an example of one child with a disproportionate punishment to deter the others is slightly Dickensian.

OP, there was some utter bloody nonsense on this thread. Glad you've got independent backup on this person's behaviour.

I'm a little surprised that the HT thought it appropriate to discuss with the complaining parent that 'I was informed that several other mums who witnessed my sons humiliation have also put in formal complaints'

That's quite unusual when dealing with formal complaints. There's a protocol to follow which doesn't usually involve a chat with the aggrieved parent about other complaining parents.

'Also, whilst writing I'd just like to say that the teacher I was talking to at the time (about ds2s nosebleed) has ALSO placed a complaint!'

Again - if I were placing a complaint against one of my colleagues (not an unimaginable scenario; I'm not saying All Teachers Are Lovely And Beyond Reproach) - my HT would certainly not beetle off to pass that information on to the parent whose dc was involved in the alleged incident I'd complained about.

Highly unusual procedure. Just saying...

I agree ravenAK- seems highly odd to me.
I also see why teachers have such a hard time if a parent is prepared to walk in and 'wipe the floor with them' - instead of go in and go through the appropriate channels is a civilised manner.
The reason she should move her DC, Icantstopeatinglol, is because it is supposed to be a partnership and it has clearly broken down- it depends whether it can be fixed as to whether I would keep them there.
On a practical level I would work out the odds of winning before you start. As ravenK says- it seems highly unusual so far.

Indeed. Such unusual behaviour from the Head that it could well affect the whole formal complaint process.

Exoticfruits, surely if the teacher is in the wrong why should the child be moved away from friends etc?
Yes I said id wipe the floor with her cos noone has the right to spk to any child like that and if they did they should expect to get a response from the childs parents?! I didn't mean physically but I would have strong words for her and I'd be taking it further!
Plus saying teachers have a hard time is hardly an excuse to shout and call a child an idiot, there is absolutely no excuse for that. If that was another parent treating someone else's child like that there would be hell to pay but because its a teacher it's ok?? How ridiculous!

Glad the head took it seriously
Just shocked she identified who had also made complaints. Hope that doesn't jeopardise the investigation.

I think you need to get all sides- we have one side here. I know some parents who have a very different version than the actual events. I am not saying that OP is wrong- just the whole thing seems odd to me. It isn't a battle I would take on from the information that we have been given.

Heads generally don't give much away- they investigate first before they comment.

All very strange.

Not least that the head's first response was "what do you expect to gain from this" and then, (seemingly on the back of this thread) a gazillion other parents and staff complained and the head is going round telling everyone so.

She'll also be out of a job along with the teacher if she's not careful...