Teacher humiliated my son in front of classmates and parents!

[FrayedNerves]

My son (6) was found swinging on a low tree branch at school during pickup time last week and (I was there but didn't see him doing it as i was dealing with my other lo) a teacher screamed at the top of her voice for him to get down... He of course immediately stopped what he was doing and came to her. Now this is where my problem is... She proceeded to humiliate and intimidate him by shouting in his face in front of all his classmates and parents. She was about 2' away from him and RANTED at him for an unnecessarily long time. He didn't cry (god knows I would have) but told me afterwards he was scared of her and felt his knees shaking.

The next day he didn't want to go to school and was upset several times in the night (nightmares). My issue is not that she reprimanded my son but that she proceeded to humiliate and intimidate him in the process, she just went on and on like she was trying to make him cry... I was so shocked and upset I couldn't say a word to her and just grabbed my children and left, if I had confronted her at that time I would have ripped her head off and would have been way too emotional. I now feel like I should have stepped in and I have failed him, I can't stop crying with the guilt! and I can't sleep.

I have reported this teacher to the school and when they asked what I wanted to achieve from my complaint, I said I wanted her to apologise to him for humiliating and intimidating him... They just looked at me like 'you want what?!' am I being unreasonable to request that from a person in a position of trust? My son has long term confidence issues of which the school is aware of and this incident has been very damaging. I don't think they will do anything about it...

Any advice on what else I can do? This teacher has been reported before. Thanks so much.

It depends on the bollocking. I'm not entitled to abuse somebody for throwing a tin can into my front garden. I can request that they remove it.

SDT, I think the OP already approached the school and she was told to buzz off.

'Someone getting a bollocking for doing something wrong does not make them a victim!'

Shouting in someone's face is abuse delboy. Why are you incapable of taking that on board?

Umm because it isn't abuse?

I think there are some people who simply don't understand the nature and scope of reprimand. Delboy might not understand it. A long time ago a frontbench MP had to resign because he said that the abuse soldiers undergo during training was a normal part of being in the army. I think there are people who genuinely believe that screaming at and insulting people are perfectly normal (and acceptable) things to do.

Yes it is! Dear me, you think it's ok to shout in someone's face? Well then we are never going to agree.

Can I just ask whether you would accept that treatment yourself from another adult?

Imagine if an Mner came on here and said her dh shouted in her face. Can you imagine anyone saying 'Oh well it's character building'.

Such people do exist in large numbers, I'm afraid.

I totally agree SDT

It's just difficult IMHO to believe the the teacher verbally spat in his face, especially after the drip feeding of having been changed in front of all the other the students.

Yes, there's a middle ground. My DC are soon to start start school (2-4 years depending on which DC) And I don't believe the OP is 'seeing' the teacher's side at all.

But I could be wrong obviously, she could be a complete bully. Lord knows I had mine in Primary. I just feel there are either holes the signs of planes in OP's story (eg: SAME teacher just HAPPENS to clean him, wipe him and CHANGE him in front of entire class pants irrelevant, that's a ridiculous exaggeration and lie)

OR he's The One Who Can Do No Wrong.

I truly believe/have experienced a teacher's nastiness. This is, IMHO; a joined tantrum between mum and son.

So like I said, move him to a school with more lax rules on discipline or don't be horrified if he's told off for being cheeky. No, I don't believe she 'verbally spat' in his face he was an idiot. No, you won't get an apology.

I can't be arsed giving an actual opinion (other than the pants situation... FFS! What parents would THEN send their kid to the same school? And if they did... They'd be looking for a reason to blow their top.)

If this teacher is as cruel as you say, and you are dismissed by the HT, move schools. For your DS's sake.

Delboy is talking nonsense on lots of levels.
Firstly, no parent is totally watching every second of all their children's behaviour especially when talking to another adult about something important. She assumed (quite rightly) that as he was in the playground he was safe from harm.
Secondly, calling a child stupid or an idiot is totally unacceptable regardless of whether its done in front of others.

When I was a deputy head I would have taken this very seriously and kept a monitor on said teacher. Chances are, the HT and DHT already know she has an issue with her temper. In one school, I was teaching Y6 at the other end of the school from the Y1s yet I could hear their teachers literally hollering constantly all day.

Oh and also on the subject of 'expecting' someone else to look after her DS, teachers hang around and generally keep an eye on kids at home time until they leave the premises with their parents. I have three at school, one right around the other side of two buildings. They all finish at the same time and I know my eldest's teacher will still be there keeping an eye out for him and others until I have collected his sisters and walked around. I never saw my job as finishing when the bell went.

OP, I would go in and see the HT. be calm and reasoned and just explain that you see it as unacceptable.

I wonder how the teacher would describe this incident?

She probably wouldn't. I'm sure she's been cross with children lots of times.

if it happened exactly as the OP describes it, if those exact words and actions were used, then the teacher's behaviour is unacceptable. I don't think anyone would deny that.

To call it abuse though is to belittle and undermine the real abuse that some children receive at the hands of their carers.

As I said upthread, dd was slapped by her nursery teacher. She wasn't abused by her. Or bullied. Or humiliated. The teacher denied it. I went to the head and the head supported the teacher. It never happened again though.

I don't find the OP at all unbelievable. At my (private) school there was a male teacher who threw hard objects at us regularly. He was eventually ousted by the governors but it took some time.

Comparing DV to teachers? Hoe fucking DARE YOU?!?

How

I disagree, thebirds, abuse comes in many forms. Repeatedly calling someone an idiot and telling them they have no brain is mental abuse.

Slapping is abuse. Shouting in someone's face is abuse.

'To call it abuse though is to belittle and undermine the real abuse that some children receive at the hands of their carers.'

You are the one belittling abuse here. If a man slaps a woman is that not abuse then TheBirds?

"no parent is totally watching every second of all their children's behaviour especially when talking to another adult about something important"

wtaf? Seriously?

Did she say he acted 'idiotic' or he was an 'idiot' though? OP is hardly reliable with her BS dramatics.

learnandsay, yes I agree. Of course it is. My daughter was not abused. Neither was the OP's.

OP, I think you need to turn this around and ask the school what they're going to do about your complaint.

You've made the complaint. What are their next steps if they don't believe an apology is in order.

Also, is there a rewards and sanctions policy? Would ask for a copy of that and see if it's being enforced.

Completely unprofessional, unjustifiable and inexcusable for a teacher to scream at a child and name call.

Your son may not get an apology and it's moot as to whether that's appropriate or not but at least you might be able to prevent this teacher from continuing her unprofessional conduct.

I suspect you were shocked by what you witnessed and couldn't react constructively at the time plus you wanted to deal with your child without making a further scene. You've done the right thing to make a complaint, calmly after the event but ensure they follow through with their internal process for complaints and find out what they propose doing about the issue. They need to tell you, not vice versa.

Delboysfilofax - would you scream at someone, with your face only inches away from theirs, calling them idiot over and over again? Would you be happy if someone did that to you?

I used the term victim blaming, because what people like you seem to be saying is that the child deserved to be screamed at and humiliated in public because of his behaviour. To reference a current news item, did Nigella deserve to be throttled in public by Charles Saatchi because they were arguing? She might have said something that upset him or made him cross but in a civilised society, that does NOT make it right for him to treat her abusively - and exactly the same applies in this situation.

Yes, the OP's child should not have been swinging on the tree, but the teacher did not deal with it appropriately or reasonably. Abusing someone is NEVER a reasonable reaction to bad behaviour/disagreement/arguement/whatever.

I wish I could say it was unbelievable but I've seen this sort of behaviour with my own eyes. Some teachers cannot hold their temper. That really is a fact. They are the ones who often hate their job and fantasise about leaving or retiring. Well I'd love to help that fantasy come true because many of them need to get out.

I also got out myself actually! though that was due to the fact that 4 kids and the amount of w/e and evening work required wasn't a happy marriage. I carried on working as a TA though as I loved teaching.

Well, yes. I'm not sure what actually went on either. But she did say he was repeatedly called an idiot and told that he'd left his brain at home. It's upthread somewhere.