Teacher humiliated my son in front of classmates and parents!

[FrayedNerves]

My son (6) was found swinging on a low tree branch at school during pickup time last week and (I was there but didn't see him doing it as i was dealing with my other lo) a teacher screamed at the top of her voice for him to get down... He of course immediately stopped what he was doing and came to her. Now this is where my problem is... She proceeded to humiliate and intimidate him by shouting in his face in front of all his classmates and parents. She was about 2' away from him and RANTED at him for an unnecessarily long time. He didn't cry (god knows I would have) but told me afterwards he was scared of her and felt his knees shaking.

The next day he didn't want to go to school and was upset several times in the night (nightmares). My issue is not that she reprimanded my son but that she proceeded to humiliate and intimidate him in the process, she just went on and on like she was trying to make him cry... I was so shocked and upset I couldn't say a word to her and just grabbed my children and left, if I had confronted her at that time I would have ripped her head off and would have been way too emotional. I now feel like I should have stepped in and I have failed him, I can't stop crying with the guilt! and I can't sleep.

I have reported this teacher to the school and when they asked what I wanted to achieve from my complaint, I said I wanted her to apologise to him for humiliating and intimidating him... They just looked at me like 'you want what?!' am I being unreasonable to request that from a person in a position of trust? My son has long term confidence issues of which the school is aware of and this incident has been very damaging. I don't think they will do anything about it...

Any advice on what else I can do? This teacher has been reported before. Thanks so much.

[TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong]

The fact that a 3 yr old manages to explain the pant situation (and his subsequent humiliation as a result of it) is really rather impressive. Linguistically and emotionally.

Dd certainly wouldn't have been able to verbalise such humiliation. Actually, at 3 she wouldn't have thought anything about being changed in front of anyone or what pants someone had put her in tbh.

As I said, impressive language skills there.

[learnandsay]

Is it realistic to expect boys not to swing in a tree which has branches at a convenient height? If the teachers are frustrated because they have to constantly remind the children that they're not allowed to swing in that tree then maybe someone in the school should be having a rethink. Maybe the tree needs fencing in, pruning or moving (or the rule needs to be changed.)

[FrayedNerves]

@thebirdsFellDown read said post again - I think you'll find I said there were plenty of boy pants available... also, it is customary in our nursery to take the child aside and change them in the toilets not in the main play room. It was so unacceptable that another teacher felt compelled to report her at that time.

also, like I said before I've never complained about any teacher... this is the very first time so there's no 'history', I'm not 'known' in the staff room. I only found about this incident because another mum helper happened to be there. I only found out she'd been reported about it months later. so please don't be so quick to judge.

[MoominMammasHandbag]

Really the Birds?
When DS was in nursery they had a really vile pair of checked trousers that was put on whoever had had an accident. Us Mums referred to them as "The pants of Shame". At 3 DS was certainly old enough to get the joke (and he wore them himself a few times).

[learnandsay]

What's the major difference between boys' and girls' pants at that age?

[TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong]

Yes really moominmammashandbag

[MoominMammasHandbag]

Sorry bold fail there

[TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong]

Clearly the Wrong Pants lead to lifetime scarring and humiliation and teachers losing their jobs learnandsay. Teachers be warned.

[MoominMammasHandbag]

Wow, touchy or what!

[BeauNidle]

The world has gone mad. What on earth is wrong with swingin on a tree ffs.
Presumably with evering suing everyone else these days, the school had to ban it?
Which is ridiculous.

[BeauNidle]

I also need to learn to type properly.

[GiveMumABreak]

learnandsay you are right - trees in a playground are just asking to be climbed aren't they?

Maybe the aggressive teacher should be given a chainsaw and she can take her frustrations out on offending tree (joke!)

[learnandsay]

There are quite a few things in this thread that don't make that much sense.

[MoominMammasHandbag]

Maybe Birds would like to do it? (Got the bold right that time)

[SpecialAgentTattooedQueen]

To Birds and Co - Not that I'm suggesting you're a 'posse' Just cannot recall all your names.

Maaaaaannnnny of my family work in school environments, whether as teachers, aids, office folk etc, etc. So I read the OP neutrally, knowing there are some truly nasty teachers out there.

However I agree with Birds And Co It sounds like your son was being naughty and you have majorly overreacted.
You won't bully an apology out of the school. IMO your son doesn't deserve an apology from what you've posted. If you weren't so hysterical to post comments such as 'verbally spat' FFS I'd be more sympathetic. Your son was cheeky and got a bollocking. Your son went way too far and got a bollocking.

If you feel your PFB was truly 'traumatised' and not playing you like a fiddle with his bad dreams, I suggest you move to a more alternative school.

Good luck.

[GiveMumABreak]

I seem to have missed out of the whole 'pants' angle to this thread? am i just slow or really really tired?

[TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong]

page 2.

[learnandsay]

Personally I don't get the pants thing at all.

[SpecialAgentTattooedQueen]

Also we're comparing a (fictional) teacher who threw kids out windows for having lollies, threw them by their pigtails because the style annoyed her and locked children in what could be considered a dungeon because a six year old was told to stop messing about and behave?

Wow. Glad I won't be sending my kids to a school with those type of parents. Fingers crossed

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Some people seem to think that there is no middle ground between letting the child do whatever he wants and hurt himself and screaming in the child's face - as ways to deal with this situation.

I am willing to bet that *FrayedNerves^ would not have been upset if her child had been told to stop swinging on the branch, and then the teacher had had a quiet but stern chat with him to reprimand him.

It sounds to me as if the teacher lost her temper, and if this is the case, she needs to learn to control her temper around the children. According to the OP, she can control herself around adults, so it should not be too difficult for her.

Would anyone on this thread be happy if an adult leaned down to their child and, only inches from their face, yelled at them, calling them an idiot? Would they be happy if someone behaved like that towards them? Is there ever an excuse to behave like that towards another person, whether adult or child?

Some people seem to be saying that the OP's child DESERVED to be yelled at and abused because he misbehaved - isn't that victim blaming? If it were a man yelling at his wife because her behaviour had upset him, would we accept anyone saying, 'Well, she did X, Y or Z, so she deserved it'?

FrayedNerves - if I were you, I would be contacting the school and saying that you would like the teacher to apologise for her outburst towards your child, and that you would like the school to monitor this teacher's behaviour towards the children under her care, and to take steps to deal with her temper, if she is losing it with the children.

[learnandsay]

I think Miss Trunchball only does those stupid things in the film.

[learnandsay]

Well, some of them, anyway.

[learnandsay]

No, you're right. That's what she's like in print too. Blimey, has it been that long?

[delboysfileofax]

Victim Blaming?? Fucking hell only on mumsnet!
Someone getting a bollocking for doing something wrong does not make them a victim!

[lottieandmia]

SDT - exactly. There are some people who only see what they want to see.