Teacher humiliated my son in front of classmates and parents!

[FrayedNerves]

My son (6) was found swinging on a low tree branch at school during pickup time last week and (I was there but didn't see him doing it as i was dealing with my other lo) a teacher screamed at the top of her voice for him to get down... He of course immediately stopped what he was doing and came to her. Now this is where my problem is... She proceeded to humiliate and intimidate him by shouting in his face in front of all his classmates and parents. She was about 2' away from him and RANTED at him for an unnecessarily long time. He didn't cry (god knows I would have) but told me afterwards he was scared of her and felt his knees shaking.

The next day he didn't want to go to school and was upset several times in the night (nightmares). My issue is not that she reprimanded my son but that she proceeded to humiliate and intimidate him in the process, she just went on and on like she was trying to make him cry... I was so shocked and upset I couldn't say a word to her and just grabbed my children and left, if I had confronted her at that time I would have ripped her head off and would have been way too emotional. I now feel like I should have stepped in and I have failed him, I can't stop crying with the guilt! and I can't sleep.

I have reported this teacher to the school and when they asked what I wanted to achieve from my complaint, I said I wanted her to apologise to him for humiliating and intimidating him... They just looked at me like 'you want what?!' am I being unreasonable to request that from a person in a position of trust? My son has long term confidence issues of which the school is aware of and this incident has been very damaging. I don't think they will do anything about it...

Any advice on what else I can do? This teacher has been reported before. Thanks so much.

'A good bollocking once in a while is character building - fact.'

Because you say so, it's fact? er ok. What an archaic attitude.

Would you say it's good for a wife to have her husband shout in her face every once in a while because it's 'character building'? No? Thought not.....

Or do you think children are fair game to get abused by adults? Because shouting in anyone's face is abusive.

So after being told in assembly about safety your child decides to fuck about on a tree and your unhappy he gets a bollocking? Why didn't YOU tell him to pack it in then?
BECAUSE I WAS TALKING TO DS2 TEACHER (facing DS1 but I like to make eye contact with whom Im talking to) ABOUT HIS NOSEBLEED!!!!!!! I took my eyes off ds1 for one second. Are you ACTUALLY serious?! you think its ok to call a child and idiot and stupid????? Yes, tell him off... yes shout at him for doing something dangerous ..... but hell no, DO NOT HUMILIATE CHILDREN.... what kind of a person are you. by the way, he was not 'fucking about' he was swinging on a low branch (about 3 foot off ground) - hardly life threatening.

Swinging on a low branch is hardly something to get shouted at about in any case (don't most boys do this??).

This teacher sounds like she has an anger problem. My dd has a play area outside her school with a kind of bridge on which all the girl somersault over the rope on while they are waiting at pick up time. No teacher has ever batted an eyelid about that.

This teacher either has anger issues or it makes her feel powerful to frighten little kids.

I think the concern was more for the tree than the child.

Put your big girl panties on and get over it.

Mumsnet advice!! The type you can't buy.

FrayedNerves - ignore the nasty comments. Good teachers know how to deal with situations effectively without totally losing it.

yes lottieandmia I believe she does, she wont talk to adults like that, just kids. she'll be nice to adults and talk to them appropriately then in the same breath scream at the kids.

Agree with lottie, ignore nasty posts... wtf?!?

My advice, if you wonder what can be done now, is to go see the headmaster and ask if they find this teacher's behaviour towards kids acceptable. Specify that other parents can confirm the insults and tone. If the school say yes that's fine, your child deserved it..... Then I'd move schools!

delboys I love the way you justify how a teacher who is paid to nurture and empower a child in being able to make correct choices can act this way and its all ok - its all relevant!!! you think that your sarcastic comments are funny - do you even have kids?
yeah, cos you must watch you kids every move even when you blink, even when your checking your other child is ok - your comments are irrelevant pointless at this time and frankly your showing yourself up to being a right prat!

freyed, I think they're only posting rubbish like that to wind you up because every time someone posts some windup post you go off on a rant and I think they're finding it funny.

"Would you say it's good for a wife to have her husband shout in her face every once in a while because it's 'character building'? No? Thought not..... "

Who said anything about shouting? Who said anything about in anyones face?

Not me.

Well learnandsay - posting to wind someone up about a real problem is against the rules of mumsnet.

This is not even in am I being unreasonable so no excuses for unhelpful, nasty posts.

Reasonable people know that it's not ok for anyone to shout in anyone else's face and in the case of a teacher doing it to a child is downright unprofessional to say the least.

learnandsay - noted thanks its just that im feeling awful about this whole thing and I cant bear the thought that some individuals think its ok to treat kids like this.

OP, I just don't think you get any answers here. We don't know the situation in any depth. This could be a case of a teacher who is at the end of her rope - children in all day due to wet weather, safety brought up at Assembly (ongoing school issue?), seemingly unsupervised child at home time, etc.

Or, it could be a teacher who ought to find another profession as she simply doesn't seem to enjoy the job/like children. This tends to leak out in every situation.

I have worked with both types of colleagues. I have been the first type twice in my career. You aren't going to get any answers here. We would need to have witnessed the incident and/or know the personalities involved.

My advice would be to let it go. You have made your complaint to the HT. It will have been noted. That's all that is going to happen here.

FrayedNerves: With all due respect you're starting to come across as a leedle bit hysterical now.

If we accept that possibly the teacher's reaction to your child was excessive, which most seem to, then yes, you should approach the school, which you have, and they have asked you what you want from them.

Which is? Do you want her officially reprimanded? Sacked? Publicly flogged? Put on some kind of register?

It's not going to happen. What is going to happen (indeed, I surmise you are probably quite well known in the staffroom) is that you will be labelled as the mother whose little angel mustn't be told off, even when he is presumably putting himself (and a tree) in danger on school property. With his mother present. Who was talking to another teacher, about another issue.

You really are doing yourself, and your child, no favours.

But, hell yes, change schools, then come back and moan again next time diddums misbehaves.

'Who said anything about shouting? Who said anything about in anyones face?'

Did you read the OP? The teacher didn't just reprimand the child - she shouted in his face! That is not an appropriate, measured response to anything. It is not the same as just being told off.

stargirl: agreed. None of us know anything other than what the OP has told us.

I find it odd that she didn't see the incident but did see the telling off and is able to describe it in blood curdling terrifying detail.

I think that says a lot acksherly. Cba to watch her child in a potentially dangerous situation, but when he gets told off for it, she is CSI precision itself.

I think there are some people on MN who feel that teachers should never be questioned. When in reality there are plenty of teachers who just aren't any good at their job and should not be doing it.

Blimey this has got nasty hasn't it!

Erm he was swinging on a tree I encourage mine to climb up them, play on them and have fun on them. It is not a crime and did not deserve a scream in the face. If the school has a policy of not climbing on the tree then OP's child needed to be told off but screaming in the face...no!

You are all out of order for saying that this was the OP's fault in the first place. She's already said she was speaking to her other child's teacher at the time.

Yes, there are. There are also some parents who refuse to accept that when a child does wrong, it gets told it's done wrong.

thanks everyone, you've been very supportive. TTFN