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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Child told she was "not allowed" to go to the toilet.

188 replies

Offred · 13/05/2013 18:02

Because of SATs, when they were doing IT, she wasn't doing SATs, she is 6. They didn't want the SATs to be disturbed by traipsing children.

DD took it literally and wee'd herself. The class laughed at her. They did not call me, put her in her PE kit with no tights/socks even though we cycle and they know this and it poured with rain/hail today. Then the TA hassled me about the importance of returning the knickers to reception tomorrow morning. I gave them short shrift as my focus was more DD's feelings, called for the teacher. The teacher said DD should have known she could ask.

That is all they plan to do about it.

What do I do?

Dd is fine but I think she should be more upset and being resigned to such a lack of empathy is a bad sign.

I am quite upset.

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Original poster

Offred · 13/05/2013 21:01

If I was obsessing over the clothes the thread would be titled "blah blah bare legs"

It is simply a part of the whole thing where I feel they've been blaming her for something which actually was the tech's fault and when it is inappropriate to deal with an accident by blaming the child.

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clam · 13/05/2013 21:02

See, I take issue with the fact that the school "knew the situation." You're assuming that your travel arrangements are at the forefront of their mind. Of course they're not.

Original poster

Offred · 13/05/2013 21:02

Yes, mrz I saw the hailstones and I thought, dc have warm raincoats and covered legs. Which, in this situation has previously been fine.

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clam · 13/05/2013 21:03

How did they blame your dd? Did I miss that?

Original poster

Offred · 13/05/2013 21:04

No, I'm assuming that dealing with dd's accident appropriately should be at the forefront of their minds when it actually happened. I don't think they did, not just because they didn't think to call about the clothes. If it happened in he morning they won't have let her play out at break time in the pe kit.

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Original poster

Offred · 13/05/2013 21:05

clam - they told her it happened because she "should have known to ask" after they had told the class they weren't allowed.

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mrz · 13/05/2013 21:07

I think your daughter not asking has more to do with the issues you mentioned than with today's events

simpson · 13/05/2013 21:07

DD (reception) has wet herself twice at school in the last week despite not wetting herself at home for over 18 months.

They have just changed her (and one of those times was into her PE kit) and she had to walk home with bare legs in the rain...

It was not a huge issue for me (or DD) tbh...

DD does have "toilet issues" and I will expect her to be able to go to the toilet whenever she needs to in yr1. It will make me if she is refused to be allowed to use the loo (but at the same time I would never take my DD's word that she was not allowed to go iyswim).

FrebbieMisaGREATshag · 13/05/2013 21:08

Surely wet cold woollen tights would have been worse than bare legs?

She's 6. She had an accident. it happens. You are making this much bigger than it ought to be, understandably because of your other issues with the school, but this is not the battle to pick.

NotWilliamBoyd · 13/05/2013 21:08

Legs covered in thick woollen tights which would surely soak up all the liquid and keep it next to the skin, cold, soggy and heavy? Lovely! Great for cycling in......

Sorry I know you wanted to get off the topic of clothing but it seems so illogical, I suspect that that is why people have commented on it.

I agree with others, clearly you are not happy with the school for other reasons. I hope that things settle for you and Dd, but don't get sidetracked by this issue. I work in schools and wetting accidents in KS1 are very common.

NotWilliamBoyd · 13/05/2013 21:10

?...or what Frebbie said, actually, much better put!

clam · 13/05/2013 21:11

I don't think that saying to a child, "you should have known to ask" is blaming them? It's a quite natural reaction, surely?

And if you feel they didn't make a big deal of her 'accident' then surely that's a good thing? It means it's very common and run-of-the-mill, so your dd is unlikely to have stood out.

Original poster

Offred · 13/05/2013 21:11

It isn't dd's word. The teacher and the ta's all told me the tech had told them they weren't allowed (as a class).

Mrz-Why would dd ask to go when she had been told they weren't allowed to go? She tried to hold it in because she thought they weren't allowed.

The teacher's thought is that despite being told they weren't allowed dd "should have known" that she could ask. She said she thought she had to follow the rules which is what the school has been trying to drum into her since she started last year. The reason she doesn't know is because they have focused on teaching her to follow the rules.

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AlienAttack · 13/05/2013 21:14

OP, just reading through this thread and it seems high proportion of posters are clear you've over reacted. You may not agree with what they have posted but you came on here asking "what do I do?" By my reckoning, the vast majority of people have advise you to leave it, especially given your DD is not distressed by this incident.
You mention other issues with the school and I can appreciate you wish to address these. But I think the advice you are overwhelmingly being given here is not to conflate this specific issue with any broader issues you may have with the school. Good luck with sorting the broader issues.

Original poster

Offred · 13/05/2013 21:14

So what are they actually asking for from her? Do they want her to follow the rules and not have an opinion or do they want her to use her brain? The fact she casually believed they would want her to wee herself and be laughed at rather than ask to go is worrying isn't it?

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mrz · 13/05/2013 21:14

Because that is what children do when they are desperate for the loo Offred... they make the fact known!

clam · 13/05/2013 21:16

I think you might be taking this too literally. I find it hard to believe that the class has never had the issue before of children misunderstanding the "no toilet" rule. It comes up all the time. Generally speaking you don't go to the loo in lesson time, unless you're really desperate in which case, of course you may go. Teachers will be saying this all the time, in order to root out the time-wasters. Most children have got it by...not sure, but probably Year 1 or 2?

FrebbieMisaGREATshag · 13/05/2013 21:17

Offred. She wet herself. Nobody died. It happens every day at the KS1 stage. It's not a disaster and they didn't leave her sitting in wet.

I get that you are massively pissed off with the school And that the teacher or IT person didn't communicate the instruction clearly. But at the end of the day she knows now, and it won't happen again.

Maybe if you spell out your other issues some of us could help you word a strong letter of complaint for those? But this isn't the right issue to pick - but I understand why you're so angry, but honestly it's disproportionate.

Original poster

Offred · 13/05/2013 21:18

The posters saying I have over reacted are attributing a greater reaction to me than I am having.

I am not happy with the school's handling of the accident or the teacher's response because they should not have told the class they weren't allowed to use the toilet and instead of understanding that their response is to say dd should be expected to know when they mean what they say and when they don't, which I don't think is reasonable.

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Original poster

Offred · 13/05/2013 21:20

I'm not massively pissed off. I have said over and over that I don't think this is a massive issue for her. It is other posters who have been massively pissed off over it.

I'm upset that they are still not dealing with her well and unhappy with their response. I've been annoyed at the posters pouring over the minutiae of one detail and still getting things wrong. That is very little to do with the original thing.

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clam · 13/05/2013 21:22

But it's exactly that sort of thing that she is going to have to learn in life! That there are shades of meaning in rules. Sounds like she's learnt this one now, anyway.

FrebbieMisaGREATshag · 13/05/2013 21:22

I misunderstood then I'm sorry. I thought you had other issues with the school and had thought you might have been projecting these onto today's incident.

Good luck.

Original poster

Offred · 13/05/2013 21:22

I don't want to write a strongly worded letter.

Just wanted a little advice about where to go from here. I don't think dropping it entirely is a good plan when they have not identified how unwise it is to tell y1 they are not allowed to use the toilets.

OP posts:

clam · 13/05/2013 21:23

Which posters are massively pissed off over it? We're the ones saying it's no big deal. You yourself have said your dd isn't that fussed. The only one who's still banging on about unreasonable treatment is you.

clam · 13/05/2013 21:25

Where to go from here? Tell your dd that of course she must let the teacher know if she really is desperate for the loo and she will be allowed to do so.

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