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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Child told she was "not allowed" to go to the toilet.

188 replies

Offred · 13/05/2013 18:02

Because of SATs, when they were doing IT, she wasn't doing SATs, she is 6. They didn't want the SATs to be disturbed by traipsing children.

DD took it literally and wee'd herself. The class laughed at her. They did not call me, put her in her PE kit with no tights/socks even though we cycle and they know this and it poured with rain/hail today. Then the TA hassled me about the importance of returning the knickers to reception tomorrow morning. I gave them short shrift as my focus was more DD's feelings, called for the teacher. The teacher said DD should have known she could ask.

That is all they plan to do about it.

What do I do?

Dd is fine but I think she should be more upset and being resigned to such a lack of empathy is a bad sign.

I am quite upset.

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Smartiepants79 · 13/05/2013 19:57

Although I do personally feel that you are overreacting a little here, you clearly have bigger issues with school than just this incident.
You need a calm but firm chat with her teacher and if that doesn't solve anything, with the head.Maybe this shcool is not a good fit for your DD.
Is it not a good thing that she is learning to deal with these situations better?
I'm a teacher and would expect most of my kids to know that they can ask if they are desperate. Any kids laughing would have got very short shrift from me. My experience is that kids this age take little notice of accidents like this so I'm surprised they all laughed.
We would not phone a parent to tell them they have had an accident.
Her PE kit is presumably provided by you so should really have contained socks and a jumper if not jogging bottoms as well. But did you ask if they could find her some socks and trousers to go home in.?

LackaDAISYcal · 13/05/2013 20:01

It's not unreasonable, but not the end of the world that they didn't, bearing in mind that all spare bodies this week will be helping support the Yr 6 SATS, either as invigilators, or one to one supporters.

It's not really about the lack of a phone call, it's about your ongoing issues with the school. I get that, I really do.

CheckpointCharlie · 13/05/2013 20:01

If your dd is fine then I would probably stop worrying about it. Is the teacher supposed to have read her mind!? And I would debate 'caregiver' and change it to 'educator'.

If she didn't ask to go, and is ok about it then I think you are overreacting.
I expect school didn't phone you because it wasn't poo, and they had something she could wear.

It happens really often, it really does, about twice a week in my class, various children too. The bit I would be cross with is that the other children laughed but the teacher should not write you an apology or get a written warning are you serious do you actually comprehend what teachers do all day?

In fact that makes me laugh. I would have been sacked 100 times over if I had to write an apology letter every time a child wet themselves, or worse, and it gets much much worse than that.

I always agree with you normally though OP!

Tournament · 13/05/2013 20:02

Offred, accidents are rarer outside reception, but really, not rare. We had a yr4 wet today. Unusua for her, but one of those things. She changed into PE kit and carried on with her day. Never crossed anyone's mind that mum should be called.

clam · 13/05/2013 20:02

I think it's unreasonable for you to expect the school to have a working knowledge of your after-school cycling routines, yes. They have a whole class of kids to deal with throughout the day. You have just the one.

You're over-reacting, sorry.

LackaDAISYcal · 13/05/2013 20:07

...and even if they do know that you cycle, they would probably have assumed that you would have suitable wet weather cover ups about your person, given the vagaries of the British weather and all!

Original poster

Offred · 13/05/2013 20:09

I'm not asking the teacher to write an apology letter.

I'm simply saying it was handled incorrectly and I have spoken to the teacher and I'm not happy with her response; blaming dd.

I have four children not one. They DO already know that we cycle and it is not rocket science to predict that a parent might be expecting the child to be in the same clothes they were in in the morning. Lots of children walk to school and cycle this time of year. Is it really so unreasonable to expect that with that staffing level they could have called when they realised they had nothing equivalent to put her in. It it was a class of 30 with one teacher I'd be more sympathetic.

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Original poster

Offred · 13/05/2013 20:11

The weather clothes go into class with the dc, so they knew she had nothing else. I don't always pick them up so their stuff stays with them.

Please explain why they couldn't have called. One teacher, two TAs, the IT tech and two receptionists, her class is a class of 20.

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5318008 · 13/05/2013 20:13

Offred I would be angry and upset with sch too. Poor DD.

mrz · 13/05/2013 20:14

because like you they didn't know it was going to start hail stoning on the way home?

Original poster

Offred · 13/05/2013 20:14

And in case you missed it, I'm not expecting them to know about our journey home. I'm saying they DO know and they actively make a fuss of it/use it to promote their Eco-credentials.

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Original poster

Offred · 13/05/2013 20:14

They had eyes to see it was hail stoning from about 2 mrz.

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Tournament · 13/05/2013 20:16

I wouldn't have called because there was no reason to, she was fine. The school can't win, many parents would have said "can't she wear her PE kit?" to save them the trip and then you're made to feel like you've wasted their (and your) time by calling.

I do think you're expecting too much, for the teacher to be aware of what kind of coat each chid has and frankly, making sure they have an appropriate one is the parent's job.

Tournament · 13/05/2013 20:18

How would her school uniform have protected her from hail better than PE kit? Have I missed the bit about why you didn't take a coat with you, if the weather was that bad?

mrz · 13/05/2013 20:19

so why didn't you take the waterproofs with you to school if you saw it was hail stoning? Surely school tights don't offer much protection from hail stones

FannyMcNally · 13/05/2013 20:19

If dd was upset and cold and asking for more clothes then yes, YANBU. But it sounds like she handled it beautifully and got on with her day.

Original poster

Offred · 13/05/2013 20:21

I'm not expecting them to be aware. I am saying I know they are aware and that they have a small class and lots of staff which is why I think they could have called me. I've said repeatedly that if it was a big school/class with just one hard pressed teacher I'd be more sympathetic. That is not the case. In the circs, why couldn't they have called? They were aware of the full situation. In the past I have told them they can call about similarity stuff.

The reason for them to call was that they were aware they couldn't provide her with equivalent clothing to what she was wearing when she came in.

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Original poster

Offred · 13/05/2013 20:22

Because mrz she would have been fine in her thick woollen tights. She was cold and complaining/shivering in her shorts with no socks.

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Original poster

Offred · 13/05/2013 20:23

Bare legs and no socks are quite a lot colder than thick woollen tights, is that hard to believe?

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Original poster

Offred · 13/05/2013 20:24

She had clothes that would have been appropriate, they changed her clothes.

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CheckpointCharlie · 13/05/2013 20:27

Yes, that was aimed at the posters who suggested a letter or written warning, I know you didn't say that.

Also we rely on kind parents donating their children's old clothes so that we have sufficient supplies, so there isn't always enough to go round, pe kit may have been the only option.

mrz · 13/05/2013 20:28

thick wet woollen tight are a lot colder IMHO

they changed her clothes because she wet herself

clam · 13/05/2013 20:28

Possibly because the office staff have got 1001 things to do, rather than spend their day getting hold of parents in case they're not suitably equipped for their child's journey home on the off-chance it might rain.

Or should I expect the school to phone me to ask me to bring an umbrella to collect my child as it might rain and the class teacher "knew she didn't have an umbrella with her."

Tournament · 13/05/2013 20:31

Yes, I was going to say that mrz, not once they're wet! But I meant wet from the hail.

juniper9 · 13/05/2013 20:33

I too think you're massively over-reacting.

It's not rare for a 6 year old to wet themselves, and it's also not rare for teachers to not let children go to the toilet during lesson times. Lots of schools operate a 'you only go at break' rule.

It's unfortunate that the weather turned suddenly, but I think you're getting massively wound up by quite a minor incident.

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