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Child told she was "not allowed" to go to the toilet.

188 replies

Offred · 13/05/2013 18:02

Because of SATs, when they were doing IT, she wasn't doing SATs, she is 6. They didn't want the SATs to be disturbed by traipsing children.

DD took it literally and wee'd herself. The class laughed at her. They did not call me, put her in her PE kit with no tights/socks even though we cycle and they know this and it poured with rain/hail today. Then the TA hassled me about the importance of returning the knickers to reception tomorrow morning. I gave them short shrift as my focus was more DD's feelings, called for the teacher. The teacher said DD should have known she could ask.

That is all they plan to do about it.

What do I do?

Dd is fine but I think she should be more upset and being resigned to such a lack of empathy is a bad sign.

I am quite upset.

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mrz · 13/05/2013 20:34

so did I unless the OP is going to claim their hail is dry

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Offred · 13/05/2013 20:37

The weather didnt turn suddenly. It turned dramatically after lunch, during the afternoon.

From experience. Thick woollen tights do not result in a shivering/complaining dd, shorts and no socks did.

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Tournament · 13/05/2013 20:38

So why didn't you take the waterproofs?

Perhaps she was encouraged to complain?

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AICM · 13/05/2013 20:39

Does anybody else feel sorry for the teacher here? Having to deal with a parent who is totally unable to accept reason.

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Offred · 13/05/2013 20:40

Teachers aren't allowed to tell children they are not allowed to use the toilet during lessons. Stopping children using the toilet is very bad for them. Just because many teachers may do it doesn't mean it is reasonable.

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cloudpuff · 13/05/2013 20:40

At what point in the day did dd have her accident? Is it possible that they changed her into her PE kit when the weather was warm/dry and then thought no more of it? It sounds more thoughtless than malice imo

My dd (also 6 at the time) wet herself after some visiting judo instructer told the children he didnt want to see any hands up while he was talking, dd was upset as she was then reprimanded by her class teacher (who was not in the PE lesson) for not using the toilet, dd didnt want to "backchat" so didnt explain why she never asked, as soon as she came over to me at collection she burst into tears, I explained to the class teacher what had happened though the next day and dd got an apology from both the class teacher and the judo instructer the following week.

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Offred · 13/05/2013 20:40

What is the reason acim?

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Offred · 13/05/2013 20:42

I didn't take the waterproofs because what dd went to school in was fine and I was not aware she was in her PE kit. As I have said. Repeatedly.

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Offred · 13/05/2013 20:42

It is possible it was done in the morning and thought no more of yes, that would be a decent explanation.

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mrz · 13/05/2013 20:43

"Teachers aren't allowed to tell children they are not allowed to use the toilet during lessons." says who?

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clam · 13/05/2013 20:43

I never quite see the point of "demanding an apology." Surely anything that has to be demanded isn't really worth having?

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Offred · 13/05/2013 20:44

Why would I encourage her to complain? I don't want her to be upset. I'm worried that she is resigned to the crappy blamey attitude of school.

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Tournament · 13/05/2013 20:44

Yes, but you knew it was hailing, which is your issue.

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Tournament · 13/05/2013 20:45

To complain about being cold. You didn't "tell" her she would be cold in her PE kit?

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NotWilliamBoyd · 13/05/2013 20:48

We cycle a lot as a family. I am very confused by the weather you describe, OP - it was so unpleasant that the school should have phoned you to ask you to bring in dry clothes for Dd for cycling home, yet not bad enough for you to bring waterproof trousers for her anyway? I don't get it, sorry. I would assume that the school thought that you would be bringing waterproof trews anyway??? I would hate hate hate to cycle in rain/hail in 'thick woollen tights" and would prefer the bare leg option, as would my Dc.

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clam · 13/05/2013 20:51

I don't 'forbid' my class to go to the loo during lesson-time, but I encourage them to wait until break if they can. If I'm actually teaching, then they must wait (although they know that if it really is an emergency then they can just go). During independent work-time, then they can make a sensible decision to go if they need without asking.
Mind you, they're Year 4 and the loos are in a linked part of the classroom.

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LackaDAISYcal · 13/05/2013 20:53

or the crappy blamey attitude of her parent?

No you didn't know she would be in her pe kit, but equally you failed to think ahead about the change in the weather. If it hadn't "dramatically" turned bad, pe kit would probably have been fine to come home in. And as the SATS are in the morning, she would have been changed into the pe kit in the morning when the weather was still reasonable.

As I've said before, this is not really about the pe kit, or the wetting per se. Stop focussing on these, minor, albeit badly handled incidents and deal with the bigger issues that you have with the school. Set out what you want to say to the head rather than arguing about the lack of a phone call to say it's raining with a bunch of strangers on the internet.

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Offred · 13/05/2013 20:54

No, I didn't tell her she would be cold in her pe kit. She WAS cold when we got home.

If you read the dc always have their weatherproof clothes in school.

I am saying I was operating under the impression that she would be in the clothes she was wearing when I dropped her off and not in her pe kit. The bare legs are not the only problem. The no socks were quite part of it.

This is a little pointless though since you can all reason out or have opinions from a distance about what you might have preferred to be on dd's legs. No-one has explained why the school, who knew the situation, had not replaced like with like and knew they couldn't and had one teacher, two TA's a tech and two receptionists and a class of 20 to deal with could not have called.

That isn't even the main issue, the main thing is the crappy blamey attitude.

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AICM · 13/05/2013 20:54

Could we all just agree that this thread is a waste of time now and we should just stop posting?

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mrz · 13/05/2013 20:54

My Y1s know they can go if they are desperate (and I know 2 need to go frequently) but most can last an hour without needing to go

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mrz · 13/05/2013 20:56

Your DC always have their waterproof clothes in school but your DC didn't have them today when it was hailing Hmm

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Tournament · 13/05/2013 20:56

The could have called, clearly, if they'd felt it was necessary. They didn't.

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Offred · 13/05/2013 20:59

Ok clam but in this case they were told they were not allowed to go.

I didn't fail to consider the weather. I thought about what dd went to school in which has always been fine in the past but she was not wearing that and got cold. Why would I tell her to be cold? Jeez...

I'm not focusing on the clothes. I'm more bothered about the blaming of dd. this thread has become circular about the clothes because people keep obsessing over it.

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Offred · 13/05/2013 20:59

Yes, because this morning it was sunny... If you read.

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mrz · 13/05/2013 21:00

but you saw it was hailstoning at 2pm

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