DS1 (5) excluded from school two days in a row

[pinkandsparklytoo]

DS has been in year 1 for just over 2 weeks. Yesterday he was excluded for hitting the teacher. Apparently she had asked him to pack up the train track and he refused. He went on some sort of chair-throwing rampage and hit her in the back a few times tehn kicked her. They called his Recepton teacher in to deal with him and phoned me. He was out of there by 10:20.
Today I missed got a voice mail from teh schol. When I rang them back I found out that they thought he had bitten someone this morning but they couldn't see any marks and let him carry on with the day. However he had then later bitten someone and left a big mark, the headteacher said it was because the other boy wasn't paying attention to the teacher. She also said that my DS had told her that DS2 bites him and that's where he got it from. DS2 is 1 and hasn't bitten him for months. Later on DS told me that they had been playing dinosaurs and he was T. Rex and the other boy was T. Rex prey so he bit him to eat him up.
This week has not gone well for him in general. Tuesday I got told not to pack him fruit strings in his lunch box any more as he refused to eat the other food in it when I did. This is besides him having had them twice already this month and it not being a problem. Wednesday I had a word with the teacher to warn her that some boys had said they were going to cut his hair off (it is shoulder length) and she told me that I need to tie it up or cut some off as it is "dangerous". This was due to it becoming tangled in her big beaded necklace when she bent over him. And then the exclusions of the last two days. I don't really know what to do with him. Has anyone got any advice?

If it was possible to turn back time I would advise that you had arranged to meet the teacher before term had even started given that you were aware that he had behaviour issues last year. You have to be part of this dialogue otherwise it will seem like the school is "failing" to deal with him. You need to work in partnership with the school. Arrange a formal meeting for Monday and be prepared to meet the staff daily or weekly at first to discuss strategies and what you can do at home to reinforce school rules (so he knows that rules are rules no matter where he is).

The train thing - he has been completely obsessed his whole life. I am not sure however if it is just coincidence or he would have become fixated on something else as his dad and grandad are both train obsessed too and it si something they all do together. They have practically rammed it down his throat since he was born. He has been able to identify different units, liveries and diesel engines since the age of two. He does display a stereotypy whist watching train dvd's where he waves his arms and bounces. He has always done it. I have researched it and it is possible to just have the stereotypy without being on the spectrum.

I do think you have it a bit backwards. If there are issues YOU as the parent should be using the school rather than assuming that a new teacher will immediately understand the issues your SN has and have strategies to deal with them. As he moves up the school their expectations of him will increase and it is up to you AND the school to help him meet those expectations or access the extra help he needs to do so.

Pursuing not using

Yes, I am planning to go into the school Monday. I am also going to see the liaison officer on Wednesday. I am going to make notes of some of the helpful suggestions people have made and take that in with me.

In my ds's school, shoulder length hair must be tied back regardless of gender.

From reading this, you need to realise that your ds is sometimes in the wrong.

I do realise he is in the wrong thank you. I'm not cutting his hair off, he has had a trim. As I have said many times I checked with the headteacher and there is no rule to say long hair must be tied up.

I sympathise with you. My son threw a stone at a teacher several years ago, and he'd never thrown a stone before and never did it after. He was excluded for a few days too. He did lash out occasionally if he couldn't deal with things. How does your son mix and communicate with children his own age. My son is now 13 and find's it really difficult making friends and communicating with others. My eldest son said that they've started calling him 'Mute' in school, as he doesn't talk with anyone. He was also seen by an ed psychologist, but they didn't say that he had any forms of autism or asperger syndrome, but I'm not convinced! He is a lovely boy now though and never in trouble. Have you had a look on asperger syndrome on the internet, you mention that he is really into trains. I think I'm correct in saying that children with asperer syndrome tend to fix on certain things. Your obviously a caring mum, try and get all the help you can, and work closely with the school. Ask them what they are going to do to try and overcome these issues. All the best.

I don't think it is an unreasonable expectation for a parent to think that if her child had a behaviour management plan in place in reception it would be carried forward to Yr1, that would seem common sense to me. Especially as many children find the transition very hard as Yr1 is much much more structured and more is expected of them.

We have found it very helpful with ds to always make a plan to meet with each new teacher he has had within a week or two of the new year starting, just to make sure they know he has some behavioral issues, that we expect to hear about every incident (schools seem to have a tendency not to tell parents until things have gone completely wrong IME and it is incredibly unhelpful), to discuss ways to deal with his differences, and that we support them in taking strong action to manage him.

Sometimes it's just about making that connection so that the teacher understands that you want to work together and to open up communication (we usually then just exchange emails if required).

For those banging on about parenting, my ds was very like the OP's. dd on the other hand has always been good as gold, apple of the teachers eye. Same parents, different child. Some children just find school a very difficult environment to cope with, and they need help with that.

I feel sorry for the teacher here. Chairs thrown and kicked for telling a child to clear up a train. Absolutely rediculous that someone should have to put up with that in any job. I think the school was right to send him home. I once taught a particularly challenging year 1 boy who hit and kicked me, chucked chairs at me, broke laptops etc. Not a blinkin thing was done to support me. Things were done to support the boy but forget the poor bloody person who is trying to teach him (oh and teach 29 others). I applaud a school who takes staff assault seriously. I always just got blamed 'you forgot to put maths on his time line. It's no wonder he kicked off. You didn't give him a sticker for rusting up. do you blame him for throwing the chair? Etc'

It's no wonder the teacher doesn't want to go through the incident in detail with op. She is probably actually quite upset about it.

As for ibp or iep. I've rarely seen one work long term for a child. in the short term I have but not long term. Op needs to stop making excuses and support the school here rather than excusing completely innapropriate behavior. She asked him to clear up a train when he'd only just finished making it so that's his reason for throwing chairs and assault. No, not acceptable. Just excuses.

Year 1 can be very different to reception so old behaviour strategies may not be appropriate. Give the school a chance to work out what's best for y1 and support them. You say you are going in to see what they are going to do about it. What about what you are going to do?

After reading more of your comments op, it sounds to me that the school have been trying to nudge you in the right direction, the extra support, picture timetables, warnings in advance of change, in my head, all point to a potentially big issues,

It is totally unacceptable behaviour to attack a teacher, my son has probably done a lot worse though and with the right communication it can be sorted in ways all parties are happy with,

You need to do your bit too though, I can understand as a mum you don't see the issues that other people might spot, but this is your oppertunity to open your eyes and start acting positivly for your dc,

Speak to school, get everything in writing, everything, copies of ieps, a report from the ht and senco with exactly what happened in it to end up in him being excluded, a signed letter giving a summery of dc's behaviour(on headed paper), copy of ep report (doesn't matter if its hand written, its a report), my ds now has a risk assesment plan because of being violent which states he will be excluded if he puts himself or somebody else at risk of harm or injury, does yours? Get a copy if yes, its quite possible if he has been violent and thrown things,

Next step, take all the evidence with you to see the gp, you will get referred because they would rather rule a problem out than miss one completely,

And then you need to go back to the school, communicate with them with an open mind, they spend a huge amount of time with your dc, they will have insight you might not, ask them what you can do to support your dc at school (I sat in afternoon lessons for 3 weeks whilst my lo was with a sitter) try everything they suggest, you can't be faulted by anyone if you are doing everything you can,

I don't really know what's happened I'm not normally this verbal on here, but I do speak through experience and know it can be a hard to think your child might not be "normal" but even if its something minor you need to help the school and your ds deal with it, its not fair on anyone for this behaviour to continue

Good luck

'you forgot to put maths on his time line. It's no wonder he kicked off. You didn't give him a sticker for rusting up. do you blame him for throwing the chair?'

alphabite, being given strategies to meet a child's needs, such as a visual timetable, is support for you.

If a teacher is given strategies that are/ are expected to be effective for a child but doesn't use them that is a problem on the teacher's part.

I choose to work with children with severe and complex SEBD so it is a bit different. However, I get hit, kicked, spat at and have stuff thrown at me every single day when we have new children in. It is always communication of an unmet need or an unresolved underlying difficulty. It is as important to take a reflective, problem solving approach to unravel inappropriate behaviour as it is to work out why another child may be struggling with their handwriting. That is not possible if the child has been sent home!

Given there were clearly some issues with your son in Reception if the teachers there had strategies in place specifically for him re: stopping an activity etc.. I must say I'm surprised that they haven't had transition meetings with the new teacher to pass on the info. I know the teacher is new to the school, as is the Head, but that's not much excuse really. In fact, it's even more important; an existing member of staff might probably have met your son already, on the playground or at lunchtime or heard about him, so would have a bit of an idea already. It sounds as if this new teacher has been broad-sided with little warning. If that's the case, then the school ought to sharpen up its practice.

I agree that going in first thing this week to talk to them is an excellent idea. The main objective is to find a way forward that helps everyone manage trigger points and avoid future incidents like this. I hope this can happen. But also it wouldn't hurt, when you do finally get to see the teacher, to apologise on his behalf. Yes, she should be professional enough not to take the episode personally but, as someone said just now, she's only human. You need her on side!

YY to everything TirednessKills said.

The only thing that I would add is that children in the former group don't always respond well to reward/sanction methods. We are seeing increasing numbers of 'sanction (and often reward) insensitive' children who lack sufficient grasp of cause/ effect, self control, planning skills and ability to delay gratification to respond to these methods. This constitutes a significant SN in itself and needs very specific intervention.

A high drive for control often stems from anxiety caused by not fully understanding the environment and as such can be a strong presentation of children in the second group.

Either way, this DC needs some help.

Fabulous post Tiredness and EBD.

OP, if you do see them try to make it a proper appointement rather than five minutes in the playground or office. Make it clear that you want to work together to help your son and write down a list of points if you need.

Also, if you post on the SN board you will find an amazing group who will share their experiences and knowledge in a supportive way.

Anyone who wonders how often the "experts" get it wrong or do not have ENOUGH evidence for a diagnosis or are reluctant to "label" a child needs to take a look at the SN board. It's painfully difficult to diagnose in some cases and there is a woeful lack of experience even amongst the "experts". Kids with these needs have increases massively over the last 20 years, training has not kept up with that.

Genuinely curious....why have kids with SN increased over the last 20 years? Or are we too quick to assume that poor behaviour/discipline must be attributed to some kind of special need? (instead of questioning how the child has been raised)

I haven't read the whole thread, but it does seem that there is not much support/sympathy for the teacher here (and the other 29 well behaved/not throwing chairs at teachers children who are trying to learn) but plenty of excuses being made. Regardless of SN or not, the child's behaviour is not acceptable in the classroom. Everyone has a right to be safe at work.

Difficult one :( very sad.

I have sympathy for the teacher in a 'personal' capacity as the victim of an attack BUT I feel that in a 'professional' capacity over a lopnger period she is letting the child down - by not adopting procedures proved to work on Reception, by not meeting the parent, by not following appropriate steps to the utmost before reaching for the ultimate sanction of exclusion. I realise that the head and the remainder of the school are not helping her to succeed either, as it is not the teacher alone who is responsible for some of the decisions taken.

The current head teacher is not new to the school, she was there last year as the deputy head and was offered the job when the previous one left at the end of last term. DS knows her as he has mentioned her before.

Our methods of diagnosis and strategies for support have vastly improved over the last 20 years.

Although, I have to say, general levels of behaviour have also deteriorated. Much more 'low-level disruption' and a higher sense of entitlement, not least from some parents, that it's "not my child's fault."

Ah sorry, I remember now!

The teacher would not have decided on exclusion. That is a head's decision and the child's actions made that inevitable.

Not only is it not okay to hit a member of staff, you have to think about other children. He went on a chair throwing rampage. Imagine how unpleasant that was for - what? - 29 other children. The exclusion was absolutely the right decision.

Also, many of the conditions we all feel we know a bit about have only been codified fairly recently. I was well into adulthood before I heard the term "autism." Now my 9-year-old daughter recognises it and can offer a limited explanation of what it is.

That partly explain the increase in diagnoses. Sorry, posted too soon.

Anyway, I think what matters in this case is the child has behavioural problems ie his behaviour has been a problem. I wouldn't wait for a diagnosis.