My dd2 has just started year two.
She has been excluded 5 and a half days since she started year one, the last one was a week ago.
All for behaviour problems. A lot of people think I am a bad parent, and have had parents threatening to make petitions to get her out of the school, as 'no child like her should be in school'.
She has hit out, kicked, scratched, refuses to take part in class activities, guided reading, reading one on one, thrown things, ripped displays down, tried to get the coat hooks of the walls, screamed, shouted, cried amongst over things. She hurts over children, as well as staff. A few LSA's and MDA's can't handle her, and have walked away, leaving the learning mentor with her, who seems to be one of the few people in the school willing to help her.
She has a lot of support, and has done since reception, she has a place she can be taken to calm down, the learning mentor is in the class with her a lot of the time, her new LSA is fab with her, very patient, as is her teacher.
The exclusions have been for the before mentioned reasons, and the last one was because she had worked herself up so much, no amount of calming down from the head, senco, or an LSA who has known my dd since starting school, worked.
She has an IEP, a consistent management plan, and various strategies in place from the behaviour support team. She will do well for a while, and then be back to square one. We recently had a TAC meeting, and we may finally be getting somewhere with her at last - while some are learnt behaviours, others are, quite likely because she has not learnt how to interact with other people, and how to do things 'right'. We are looking at some sort of developmental delay in her, as in so many ways, she is like a toddler. She is highly intelligent, yet does not understand how to behave. She tries very hard, and sometimes she gets it right, but most of the time, she doesn't.
She cannot cope with any kind of routine change, and has to be told in advance of activities changing. She struggles in whole school situations, and quite often has the choice to either go to assembly/out to play/PE/performances or to sit quietly with the learning mentor and read.
DD1 is like any other child - she tests boundaries, but ultimately knows how to behave, and accepts that not everything can be how she wants, or that she can do/have everything she wants.
DD2's behaviour is not down to poor parenting, not having boundaries, all that sort of stuff, as I have bought her up the same way dd1, and changed things as needed to suit her. No amount of telling off works, as she listens, says she wont do it again, but it never sinks in. She gets things taken away, looses things, but again it does not work. Right now, one suggestion we have had is to explain why she should not do something and tell her what will happen the next time she does it.
OP, I would be asking the school for more support, there is a lot they can do, and they can seek advice from various outside agencies. Take any advice you can get, I have had a behaviour support worker to support me, and she confirmed what I was doing was right. It is easier to manage behaviour at home, as you can easily remove from triggers, and distract whereas at school/activities, the teacher/LSA can't so easily. Good luck to you, and I hope you get somewhere, you both need support, and it is hard to get that.