DS1 (5) excluded from school two days in a row

[pinkandsparklytoo]

DS has been in year 1 for just over 2 weeks. Yesterday he was excluded for hitting the teacher. Apparently she had asked him to pack up the train track and he refused. He went on some sort of chair-throwing rampage and hit her in the back a few times tehn kicked her. They called his Recepton teacher in to deal with him and phoned me. He was out of there by 10:20.
Today I missed got a voice mail from teh schol. When I rang them back I found out that they thought he had bitten someone this morning but they couldn't see any marks and let him carry on with the day. However he had then later bitten someone and left a big mark, the headteacher said it was because the other boy wasn't paying attention to the teacher. She also said that my DS had told her that DS2 bites him and that's where he got it from. DS2 is 1 and hasn't bitten him for months. Later on DS told me that they had been playing dinosaurs and he was T. Rex and the other boy was T. Rex prey so he bit him to eat him up.
This week has not gone well for him in general. Tuesday I got told not to pack him fruit strings in his lunch box any more as he refused to eat the other food in it when I did. This is besides him having had them twice already this month and it not being a problem. Wednesday I had a word with the teacher to warn her that some boys had said they were going to cut his hair off (it is shoulder length) and she told me that I need to tie it up or cut some off as it is "dangerous". This was due to it becoming tangled in her big beaded necklace when she bent over him. And then the exclusions of the last two days. I don't really know what to do with him. Has anyone got any advice?

I couldn't quite tell from her posts which I why I asked, even explaining can be a one way thing sometimes though rather than trying to engage them in a discussion about it (if that makes sense!)

Agree with all the posters suggesting that he needs to be assessed to see if there is an SN. And very surprised that school haven't suggested this before excluding him. DNephew was similiar to this and was diagonsed as autistic, he was statemented and he now has 30 hours pw support which has helped him (and the other children in his class) a great deal. You MUST push for it though OP and get the school to push the LEA as well. Good luck and I hope everything works out for your DS.

PS the hair thing is irrelevant.

To be fair for the school they have had him assessed by an ed pshyc who didn't identify anything specific but did provide advice on how to help him.

That obviously isn't working or being done though which does need looking at

On the hair thing, where I work it would be fine for him to have it shoulder length BUT, in the same way as a girl has to have it up, so would he, (it's for safety during PE and playtime [interesting playground with loads of apparatus etc], but we just make it the rule all the time as it's much more clear cut and easy to understand for young children and their parents that way).

Taking bands out when hair has to be up is a 'minor misdemeanor'-type offence first time round, but would be escalated if it continued. There isn't an option not to have it up if it's that length - it's a school rule.

MissBeehivingUnderTheMistletoe the OP said he has been assessed by an Educational Psychologist when he was in reception ...

And if he takes the band off as he runs away from mum in the morning, then the teacher/TA needs to ensure they have a spare for him to put back on.

Anyway, enough with the hair!!!

The hair thing is not 'irrelevant', in the sense that if the school rules require it to be up, but the child takes it down and the parent does nothing to reinorce the school rule, it is indicative of the way that the school, parent and child are not working properly together to enable the child to know that rules in school apply to him, and need to be obeyed for everyone's good.

I guess it also could indicate a child with a strong opinion.

Tbh clam, it is the parent's deference to the child's opinion about his hair, and the lack of support for the school's rules on the subject, that concern me more than whether the child has long hair or short.

Professionals do get it wrong sometimes mrz I would insist that he went back, it really is quite unusual to be excluded so frequently.

I agree. Hence my query about use of the word "offered," with regard to cutting it.

Yes the hair is irrelevant, I just mentioned it as it was part of the chain of things that happened this week. All I have heard from his teacher was about his lunch one day, his hair the next, and then he was excluded and she herself hasn't spoken to me about it for a first hand account. I haven't spoken to the head teacher until he was excluded on Thursday, other than a passing hello. His teacher is new to the school but she had come to the school a few times to meet the children last term while they were in Reception. The headteacher is also newly appointed this term but she was previously the assistant headteacher and already knew DS. We did have a discussion, I did explain things to him and he did get told off too. And being on his own in his room is a punishment for him.

OP, it must all be a big worry for your family.

Having volunteered in schools, with y1, for years, I think it is fairly unusual for a school to exclude a child unless there was a serious problem with behaviour.

It seems to me highly unlikely he would have been excluded for accidentally touching/ hitting someone, as the school would have a field day with exclusions!

It sounds to me that the school is very bad at communicating with you, and very bad at dealing with behaviour issues in children.

Do you feel he has been excluded unfairly?

I have seen a boy who was constantly disuptive, agressive and a bit "wild" really, who was excluded only after a string of incidents, not a one- off thing. However, the mum was only told about the behaviour that led to the exclusion, not the whole hour of misdemeanors leading up to it.

So she was annoyed he was sent home for a little thing, when by the time she would come the teacher was often in tears and the whole class waiting outside so they would not get hit by flying chairs.

It is hard to really know what is going on. You need to talk to teachers, dinner ladies, anyone. What do other children say? What do his friends say? What is he like when he has a friend to play?

If the school, however, is really just excluding him for small issues and one- offs, they are overreacting and handling it badly.

They key is to find out what really goes on in his school day.

Anyone who wonders how often the "experts" get it wrong or do not have ENOUGH evidence for a diagnosis or are reluctant to "label" a child needs to take a look at the SN board. It's painfully difficult to diagnose in some cases and there is a woeful lack of experience even amongst the "experts". Kids with these needs have increases massively over the last 20 years, training has not kept up with that.

Then you have two obvious next steps:

• To make an appointment to meet the class teacher (either with the head OR make a separate appointment with the head). You need to ask about IEPs and a PSP, also whether your son is on the SEN register (he should be, at school action plus, because he has seen the ed psych - and so you should be getting updated IEPs each term)
• To remove trains from his bedroom when it is being used as a place for reflection / punishment.

It is not the school's rule that hair needs to be tied up. I asked when I picked him up the first time this week. They suggest it be done but it is not an enforceable rule. There are plenty of girls in his class with longer hair than him and they have it out all the time. I also asked before he even started reception last year whether it needed to be cut shorter and they said his hair was fine how it was.

I don't "irrelevant" is the word I would use for the hair - more "symptomatic", as it shows how if school rules are not being discussed, and more importantly reinforced by a parent, then they will not be respected by the child. teacherwith2kids explained it upthread perfectly.
Overall, the lack of communication, or meaningful communication, from the school is not helping.
Parents, child and school are going to have to work together to resolve this, so far that has not happened.

You should also ask for a diary to be kept, documenting EVERY incident involving your son which takes place over a school day, contributed to by all school staff including dinner ladies etc. This will help everyone to be clear about the totality of what is going on.

yes professionals do get it wrong MissBeehivingUnderTheMistletoe but as you now see the school didn't just suggest assessment before excluding him they actually involved an EP.
It is extremely unusual for a child this age to have been excluded on four separate occasions, schools do not take this step lightly.

It is fine as it it as long as it is tied up. I have never worked in a school where that isn't encouraged even if not written in the rules. Really I think it is the sensible option for school that if hair is long enough to be up it should be

He may not be on the SEN register if the EP is no longer actively involved and not all schools use IEPs. He may have an IBP (if school see behaviour an issue) but once again not all schools use these or PSPs.

Mrz,

OK, I have only worked in schools where IEPs and PSPs as necessary are used as a really useful way to document the issues around and help needed by an individual child, to bring together information from different professionals (whether external or internal, e.g. lunchtime personnel, TAs, previous teachers) and to communicate clearly to parents (who are involved in discussions each time these documents are reviewed or updated).

How do schools achieve all these things (especially communication to parents in a structured and regular manner) without using IEPs and PSPs?

We use pupil profiles and provision mapping

Genuinely curious - how are those different? Is it just a different name for the same thing (I would regard an IEP as being the same as a provision map, for example) or do they genuinely have a different role in documenting the support of pupils with additional needs? Are they communicated to the parents every term as our IEPs are, for example? Do parents come to meetings with the relevant professionals, as happens when reviewing PSPs?

Our Ed Psych won't recommend funding if IBPs aren't used - and behaviour charts.