DS1 (5) excluded from school two days in a row

[pinkandsparklytoo]

DS has been in year 1 for just over 2 weeks. Yesterday he was excluded for hitting the teacher. Apparently she had asked him to pack up the train track and he refused. He went on some sort of chair-throwing rampage and hit her in the back a few times tehn kicked her. They called his Recepton teacher in to deal with him and phoned me. He was out of there by 10:20.
Today I missed got a voice mail from teh schol. When I rang them back I found out that they thought he had bitten someone this morning but they couldn't see any marks and let him carry on with the day. However he had then later bitten someone and left a big mark, the headteacher said it was because the other boy wasn't paying attention to the teacher. She also said that my DS had told her that DS2 bites him and that's where he got it from. DS2 is 1 and hasn't bitten him for months. Later on DS told me that they had been playing dinosaurs and he was T. Rex and the other boy was T. Rex prey so he bit him to eat him up.
This week has not gone well for him in general. Tuesday I got told not to pack him fruit strings in his lunch box any more as he refused to eat the other food in it when I did. This is besides him having had them twice already this month and it not being a problem. Wednesday I had a word with the teacher to warn her that some boys had said they were going to cut his hair off (it is shoulder length) and she told me that I need to tie it up or cut some off as it is "dangerous". This was due to it becoming tangled in her big beaded necklace when she bent over him. And then the exclusions of the last two days. I don't really know what to do with him. Has anyone got any advice?

Exclusions are rarely a first resort Sirzy you just need to look at the OFSTED figures to see what a tiny percentage of infant children are excluded each year.

That is a very simplistic attitude though. I do see where you are coming from but this isn't a 15 year old battering other pupils this is a 5 year old who is seemingly lashing out in frustration, exclusion doesn't do anything to tackle that issue and could make it worse if he learns that hitting means he can go home.

Indeed so it's clear there is probably more going on than simple bad behaviour.

Behaving "fine" in one setting and not the other IS relevant. As it is often indicative of something else going on. Was exactly the case with ds who went on to be diagnosed with multiple SN and SEN.

nkf attacking another person and bringing a weapon into school does not automatically equate to exclusion.

I was thumped by a child on Tuesday, his class teacher spoke to him sternly and made him apologise end of story.

Many children with ASD for example hold things together in school then have to vent elsewhere so comparing home and school isn't always helpful.

Yes mrz. Ds could hold it together at home not school. Dd also poss ASD is fab at school but goes off at home. Not sure how the unbelievers link THAT to my parenting.

I guess it depends on how you define "fine" then. I'm thinking about the worst-behaved child I've ever dealt with. His parents swore blind that, whilst they can no longer do a thing with him (at 9), he had been "absolutely fine" at home until he started school. Which probably meant he was OK as long as no one required him to do anything he didn't feel like doing. And, knowing the family background in this case, I can tell you he ran/runs totally wild.

clam some children can be "fine" (by anyone's definition) in one situation and far from it in another.

When he hit the teacher on Thursday I believe it was after she asked him to pack up the train set just after he had finished building it. His initial response was to get angry and frustrated. He probably shouted, I don't know as I have only heard it second hand from the headteacher who was not in the room at the time. She said he threw some chairs and smacked the teacher in the back. And then kicked her. This is not his usual response. He does get angry when asked to stop playing trains, they are his most favourite thing in the world, but usually he manages to go through with what the teacher says. He was home by 10:20 when after telling him how unacceptable his behaviour had been he was sent to his room to calm down. The rest of our family carried on as normal. He was on his own for a while.

That's true, mrz. But I've also had more than one parent swear blind their child was fine at home only to watch them go out of the door and immediately punch/kick mummy because she hadn't brought sweets, or some other hideous crime. Sometimes a parent's 'fine' can be vastly different from a school's definition.

Not suggesting that is true in your case, btw OP.

I have known many children like that Feenie and I've known parents who refuse to accept there is a problem, moving child from school to school but I've also known others who are "placid" well behaved children in school (or at home) but total nightmares at home (in school).

Exclusion is a last resort (an instant black mark from OFSTED for one thing) and a mountain of explaining to the LEA.

Hmm, you see, I'm not sure how strong that message was pink then. You told him "how unacceptable his behaviour had been," which could have been "blah, blah background noise" to him, and he spent some time alone in his room to "calm down."
Is that a sanction? Really?

And, just a thought, but is his train set in his room?

On Friday when the headteacher told me he had bitten someone, I found it hard to believe as he has not bitten anyone since he was a baby. She told me he bit the other child because the other child was not listening to the teacher. They currently play Jurassic Park at playtimes with my son as the T. Rec. After each incident he has always apologised to the other person.

Yes clam but he likes to be around other people so being left in his room on his own is something he doesn't like. What would you have done of it was your child?

Apologies, I haven't trawled through the whole thread BUT what strikes me as extraordinary is the number of exclusions without all the other steps I would expect to see a school follow before that point is reached.

e.g.

• Initial conversations between teacher and parent.
• In-depth conversations between head teacher and parent.
• Full meeting of parent with SENCo, followed by agreed referrals if needed [was there a full meeting before the referral to the Ed Psych?]
• Creation of an IEP, with regular reviews, and placement of the child on the SEN register (for emotional / behaviour difficulties, even if there is no 'nameable' condition underlying the behaviour).
• Referral / recommendation of referral to specialist paediatrician.
• Involvement of family liaison / early intervention team with family.
• Creation of a PSP (personal support plan) for the child, in full consultation with parents, school and outside agencies, reviewed regularly (half termly or more often if needed). This could involve e.g TA support, 'safe' areas within the classroom, arrangements for particular times of the day that cause stress etc etc

We have children with significant behavioural difficulties, not all with 'nameable' conditions such as ADHD or autism, and we would fully exhaust every single one of the above avenues before even considering exclusion. Even in the most extreme case I have so far been involved in (very much worse behaviour than described above, though with an obvious 'nameable' condition as the root cause) we went through all the above (and a few more steps) and then investigated whether a temporary or permanent move to another setting (PRU / special school) would be appropriate. We never even talked about exclusion.

Pink, if his train set was in his room, I would have put him in another room which did not have any such desirable objects - spare bedroom / parents' room / dining room if you have such a thing. We used a tiny spare bedroom / study as a 'punishment / reflection' place for DCs as their rooms contained toys and books.

Sent home from school for bad behaviour related to a train set = spends lots of time in his own room playing with a train set = positive encouragement to misbehave in school....

Well, if it was a train-related incident, and trains are his favourite thing in the world, there's your clue! I certainly wouldn't have left him and the trainset in the same room. He could have had a whale of a time playing with them during his 'time out.'

Regarding his hair, would they ask a girl to cut hers if it was that length? Tying it up sounds fair though if you don't want to cut it. As for teachers wearing big necklaces maybe they should rethink that.

It sounds like the exclusions last year were for pretty minor things. It takes a LOT for a kid to be excluded at our school. Especially a y1 child.

I wonder if a different school might be better? (not read all of thread - sorry)

X post, teacher

Perhaps you could have a "reflection" area somewhere else in the house? Maybe a corner of a room downstairs where he can sit and think but without freedom to play/read etc?

I don't know how you worded things but I would try to do it so he is explaining to you what he did and why it was wrong engaging him in a conversation about it rather than simply telling him off may help him think about thinks more

I don't want to over-egg the hair thing, as it's not the main issue (although, out of interest, do you "offer" a seatbelt in the car?) but I'm curious as to why he thinks tying his hair back makes him look like a girl, but having hair that length in the first place doesn't.

sirzy but I'm getting the impression that the OP has done a lot of explaining and not a lot of telling off.