Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

Called to a pre-prep's office to be told to "smile" when coming to school in the morning

152 replies

Natashik · 15/11/2011 22:37

My 4-year old daughter that has just started at reception this year in one of the private schools at Wheathampstead was called to pre-prep's head office today to be told that she "has to smile when she comes to school in the morning"... How good could it be?

This was followed by a phonecall, first to me and then my husband! I thought it was an EMERGENCY... No, I was wrong. On the phone I was told to tell my daughter to smile when she comes to school in the morning at the drop-off point and not to show her preference as to whom she wants to walk with to the school's playground.

My daughter is a FOUR year old child! What does the lady on the phone understand about 4-year olds starting a big school? Should not it be them who should put a smile on my child's face at the drop-off point?

Very, very dissatisfied and disillusioned with what is thought to be a very good school in the area.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

emkana · 15/11/2011 22:39

Sounds insane

ElphabaisWicked · 15/11/2011 22:44

eh???- many children in reception at my children's school are just getting over the tears at leaving mummy/daddy each day.

Calling a reception child to head of pre-prep sounds very OTT - head of PP at my children's school is lovely but being sent to her means you have been very naughty or done somethng very good worthy of praise.

Sounds a very odd school.

KTk9 · 15/11/2011 22:49

Very odd....

Fair enough to expect a call to say, 'is everything alright dd seems a little 'upset', 'sad' etc, but to tell her to smile?!!!!!

Who are they trying to impress?, people outside the school, as it is certainly not the parents.

If this was the head, then I would be looking for a different school.

elinora · 15/11/2011 22:54

Is this a joke? If not that sounds nuts. get her out of there.

tinytalker · 15/11/2011 22:56

Madness! Get her out of there quick, they seem to have no idea at all about what makes young children tick. Of course you are right; it is their job to welcome her with a smile and make her feel happy to be there and excited for the day ahead. As if you can MAKE a child smile!!!! Crazy

colditz · 15/11/2011 22:57

WIthdraw, send to local state school. You are paying for your daughter to be treated like a drone.

Original poster

Natashik · 15/11/2011 23:02

Yes it does sound rather odd. I agree.

I cannot understand the reason why the pre-prep's head called me today and why my daughter was called to her office.

In fact I even did not know that my daughter was called to the pre-prep's office until today's supper... I was talking with my husband about this odd phonecall from the pre-prep's head when our daughter said she went to her office today... She also said that she was called by the pre-prep's head to her office during class time.

When I asked her why she went to that lady's office, she first refused to talk. Then, with a rather serious expression on her face, she said that she was told to smile at the drop off point in the morning and that she should not choose with whom to walk with to the playground...

She is just a 4-year old child... What a headache... Drop-off is still difficult as it is only two months into a big school really. Sometimes she is happy to go and sometimes scared (you know the teachers at the drop off in a rainy morning and shivering year six girls are not all smiles either).

I do feel like raising a formal complaint.

OP posts:

Original poster

Natashik · 15/11/2011 23:06

Thank you for your comments.

OP posts:

NormanTebbit · 15/11/2011 23:28

How very, very odd!

cory · 16/11/2011 07:45

Good grief! When dd was that age she had to be peeled off me in the mornings sobbing and clinging. The reason she settled down so happily at school in the end was because they understood.

SoupDragon · 16/11/2011 07:49

I would not be happy with that at all. Perhaps ask the head why your DD feels unable to smile at the thought of going to school and what she plans to do about it.

Meglet · 16/11/2011 07:53

Bat-shit crazy. (Always wanted to use that phrase).

DuchessofMalfi · 16/11/2011 08:42

Sometimes a school that looks good on paper, and which you think your child will love and will fit in at perfectly, turns out to be the complete opposite. Maybe your DD just doesn't fit into that school; maybe it is making her unhappy and neither she nor the school can explain why.

We chose a seemingly good school for DD last year when she was due to start Reception. It had good ofsted reports, and it looked nice when we looked around it. But when DD started, she cried every day on the way in, during the day, and on the way out. It transpired older children were picking on the Reception year, and there was bullying in the classroom. The teachers were doing nothing about it (other parents had noticed the same thing). We took her out of that school after one very miserable term. She is now at another school that doesn't have as good an ofsted report but I've learned that that means very little when it is your child's happiness at stake. She is very happy at her new school.

Original poster

Natashik · 16/11/2011 09:36

Dear DuchessofMalfi,

Thank you for your thoughtful message. Yes the school is considered to be very good and kids have to pass through some assessment to get into it.

I am still thinking somethong can be done about this odd problem before us taking final action and leaving... I am seeing the school's Head tomorrow.

I am happy your little one settled well in a new school.

OP posts:

ElaineReese · 16/11/2011 09:38

And you're paying for this! Good grief.

twolittlemonkeys · 16/11/2011 09:46

I'd be pulling her out. They sound bonkers. Mind you, DS1 started at a pre-prep which seemed perfect for him on paper but when he was having trouble settling, they were not willing to accommodate him at all - they wanted all the children to be like little clones of each other. Head called me in to say he thought it best if I took DS out and brought him back 'when he was ready for school' (academically he was more than ready, was just struggling to settle socially!) Needless to say we took him out and found him a new school (state this time), where he is happy and they treat him as an individual. They also, surprisingly, are willing to differentiate and give him harder work when he needs challenging, which the private school weren't.

wordfactory · 16/11/2011 09:53

The great thing about paying for school is that you get a choice.

You can choose not to accept this and vote with your feet. There are so many great schools out there.

bran · 16/11/2011 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reallytired · 16/11/2011 10:03

Natashik, there are lots of really good (state and private) schools in the Wheathampstead area. Is the prep school a feeder school to a senior school that you want? You are the customer and if your daughter is not happy then the school should be looking to improve the situation.

The school doesn't seem to understand the emotional needs of human beings young children. My son adored reception, but there were times when he didn't want to go. Little people can be quite contray.

Prehaps you need an appointment to discuss this matter if your daughter is going to continue. The school needs you more than your daughter needs them.

dixiechick1975 · 16/11/2011 12:13

Sounds very odd.

Reception at DD's private school require parents to take them to the classroom until xmas - they don't line up in the yard with the rest of the school until January.

becstarsky · 16/11/2011 12:20

There is something weird and wrong about putting so much pressure on a child to smile rather than express the emotions they are actually feeling. To call the parent, and have a separate chat with her at the office to tell her to smile? Rather than ask her if she's happy? Not. Right.

But Natashik I get the def. impression you don't want to be told to move your child? What sort of feedback do you want?

PosiesOfPoinsettia · 16/11/2011 12:22

Hmmm I would be reconsidering my choice of school.

oddgirl · 16/11/2011 12:22

Sounds a bit strange!! My DD goes to state primary in the same area as you (also in reception and 4)-when they go into school they put their name card in the happy, sad or cross box to try and enable them to express how they are feeling. No negative connotations are made about the choice..it just forms a good opening for circle time/PHSE discussion

I would have a look around at some schools if this doesnt improve...she is a 4 year old CHILD not a robot...

Original poster

Natashik · 16/11/2011 12:32

I am not sure. Ideally I want their attitude to change. To be more specific - the attitude of that lady. I do not want to judge school based on the performance of just one of its employees.

I think the attitude of a pre-prep's head is plainly wrong just because she did not try to understand why my daughter does not want to part from me in the morning or is not smiling. Instead, she simply used the most extreme method to start solving the problem. I just wonder if she starts with calling parents and asking my daughter to come to her office, then what is the next step?

At the same time, I am rather pessimistic about people being able to change their ways...

OP posts:

CalatalieSisters · 16/11/2011 12:32

I'd NOT want to send a daughter of mine to that school. She is being taught to lie about her emotional state to make other people feel good. Women storeworkers who are told by their employers to smile all day report feeling stressed by that obligation. And women in general are pressured to supress their feelings in favour of putting on a front for others. It is stomach-twisting to think of a little girl going off to a place that is nominally for her self-development and creativity and finding it oppressive in that way.

That's the kind of shuddersome experience that makes me wonder why on earth people pay money for private primary schools in preference to state schools.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7