Called to a pre-prep's office to be told to "smile" when coming to school in the morning

[Natashik]

My 4-year old daughter that has just started at reception this year in one of the private schools at Wheathampstead was called to pre-prep's head office today to be told that she "has to smile when she comes to school in the morning"... How good could it be?

This was followed by a phonecall, first to me and then my husband! I thought it was an EMERGENCY... No, I was wrong. On the phone I was told to tell my daughter to smile when she comes to school in the morning at the drop-off point and not to show her preference as to whom she wants to walk with to the school's playground.

My daughter is a FOUR year old child! What does the lady on the phone understand about 4-year olds starting a big school? Should not it be them who should put a smile on my child's face at the drop-off point?

Very, very dissatisfied and disillusioned with what is thought to be a very good school in the area.

I second meglets batshit crazy !!

Dear Hullygully,

English is NOT my first language.
Having graduated from one of the top UK universities, I do not think my English language ability is too low to understand the pre-prep's head.

Thank you for the comment, though.

You're very welcome. I am glad to hear you graduated from one of the top UK universities. Good show.

Can you do what Pagwatch said and outline the conversation?

Perhaps the head said: 'I'd like to see you smile, Chardonnay' rather than 'You must smile, Chardonnay'

Natashik - Not being funny, but you are being rather pissy with people who are trying to help.

Good luck with sorting it out.

Alfred, the op graduated from one of the UK's top universites, I hardly think she would misunderstand a command, or name her daughter after wine.

I love that poem too..Hullgully and Alf,you are hilarious!!

Thank you for your comment Hullygully.

Rather than seeking for help, I just tried to express my amusement with the way the whole issue was handled.

For Alfred... I am sorry if you felt my comment was too stern. I wrote what I felt. Sorry again, but you did sound a bit like an education advisory something... Please do not be angry, as I know your intentions were good.

If your daughter isn't smiling surely the teachers job is to help find out why - not persuade her to hide her feelings and pretend otherwise? It's a poor life lesson to learn: appearances matter above all else. I'd be really interested to hear how the school explains this to you. Can you arrange a meeting to discuss it? And then please report back!

But what did you say when they told you that your dd was expected to smile?

I didn't go to university so perhaps I am missing something.

But did they really say "your dd must smile" and you just said "oh, ok"

Oh Paggy. I don't think you can even hope to understand. You are going to have to aceept that some things will always be out of your reach.

Have you considered the OU?

Isn't that spelt oww?

I may be thick but I have naturally joyful children so school holds no fear for me.
Although I rarely get my questions answered. Why is that?

What will they do if she doesn't?

I cannot begin to understand this. I can imagine a teacher seeing a sad or worried little face and saying 'Give me a smile, X!" as an encouragement. But You WILL smile when coming in to school!'...... Very strange.

Could you have misunderstood?

Perhaps it was worded:

"Smile or I'll give you something to smile about!"

Oh... no. That doesnt really work.....

If we fell over or had a mishap whilst messing about my dad used to say

'if you have hurt yourself, I'll kill you'

Perhaps it is that kind of psychology.

When I said that they used to hug me when she was tearful, yes they did as I was tearful about the fact that she was upset (she's my pfb, now I've got 2 I'm a bit more chilled out).

Of course, they comforted and reassured her as well.

All I meant by that comment was that it is an academic school which is why it attracts the 'punter's. However it is also a nurturing and caring school too which is why I'm surprised by the comment from the school about smiling.

Sorry should have added that my comment was for SardineQueen.

What are you all picking on the OP for? She was just clarifying that despite English not being her first language she will have understood what the person was saying. She's hardly come on here to show off her credentials when she's got this playing on her mind.

I don't think it sounds like there was a misunderstanding because the woman said the same thing on the phone to the OP as she said to the child. If she doesn't get a satisfactory outcome I think she should move her daughter.

folly
had a vision of your daughter sobbing in a corner while the staff all lined up to hug and comfort you
actually that reminds me of my cs now i come to think of it (me in a right state, everyone asking DH if he was OK!!!)

elinora I don't know why everyone's picking on the OP either

well, the Mumsnet verdict is that you must have misunderstood it- so make that your point of departure

speak to the Head in your most demure manner: "excuse me, Mrs Head, but I am not sure I actually caught what you were saying to me the other day, bad connection (or whatever)- could you just be so kind as to explain it again"

you may then add with a girlish/ladylike (delete as appropriate) giggle: "you wouldn't believe me if I told you what I actually thought you said"

and then lean back for all to become clear

If they told the DD and the mum separately, and went to the effort of phoning up about it, then it must have been something they thought was quite serious.

Does she lack social skills generally?

Do you smile much?

Smiling is not compulsory