Called to a pre-prep's office to be told to "smile" when coming to school in the morning

[Natashik]

My 4-year old daughter that has just started at reception this year in one of the private schools at Wheathampstead was called to pre-prep's head office today to be told that she "has to smile when she comes to school in the morning"... How good could it be?

This was followed by a phonecall, first to me and then my husband! I thought it was an EMERGENCY... No, I was wrong. On the phone I was told to tell my daughter to smile when she comes to school in the morning at the drop-off point and not to show her preference as to whom she wants to walk with to the school's playground.

My daughter is a FOUR year old child! What does the lady on the phone understand about 4-year olds starting a big school? Should not it be them who should put a smile on my child's face at the drop-off point?

Very, very dissatisfied and disillusioned with what is thought to be a very good school in the area.

But why didn't anybody tell me?

Gin,

Always good to go ad hominem. I was typing fast. Nihongo is the language. Nihonjin are the people. I know that.

As for Hully, how about this delightful "helpful" post from earlier

"Does your daughter lack social skills? Do you smile much?"

How was that meant to help the OP? In fact, maybe should could tell us whether she actually thinks the OP had a point and maybe highlight which of her posts were actually of any use to the OP?

Two words, Lazzer:

CHOCOLATE FACE

Interesting,

So, an adult accusing a 3 year old she does not know of lacking social skills=fine. A 3 year old accurately describing someone she has seen with no intent to upset=racist.

It is actually sad as you probably view yourself as being a tolerant and reasonable person. The reality is that you know everything of form and nothing of substance.

I expect your right

you're, even

Was just having a little dig, Larry, sorry. Letting you know that I, who do indeed know my way very well round a nihonjin thought that hully's question was fair. There does seem to have been a misunderstanding.

No, Gin, no. I have been humbled and chastened by Lazzer's dazzling logic

I'm a bit bored with it all now

I am still struggling to see where I was either racist or bullying on here.

And I still haven't had my perfectly reasonable question answered.

Gin,

The first question was totally fair but, then, so was the response. And, I can see how a parent genuinely shocked by the school and probably feeling a little culturally out of her depth might (slightly) overreact to the question. The posts I really object to are the subsequent ones (one quoted above). Why accuse a 3 year old of being poorly socially adjusted and go on and on and on (3 posts min) about the fact that the OP graduated from a top uni, while offering no practical or emotional support to the OP?

This is Primary Education, not AIBU and the OP clearly came on here for help.

Oh Lazzer you've confused me now. You said the question was racist, you said I was assuming she wouldn't understand because Enlish wwasn't her first language.

How can I do the right thing when you keep changing everything?

Hully,

I said your continual hounding of the OP was racist, based on her use of English. I cannot be bothered to forensically examine your posts one by one to make my point but everyone can read them and draw their own conclusions.

You think you are so funny. The little whatever you call that thing in pointy brackets at the end of your posts should read .

I still can't see where I was racist or bullying.

Is it not odd to say on the one hand that questioning whether op had misunderstood the whole scenario because English was not her first language is racist but then patronising her by saying she is 'culturally out of her depth' and needs her hand holding because she doesn't understand,isn't? That one can't joke because the poor dear can't possibly understand is pretty offensive to a person who had a degree from a top university and showed absolutely no sign of being out of her depth or wilting in a corner.

And being a champion of anti-racist bullying whilst saying that an adult should not correct 'chocolate face' because it is a nice thing to say is baffling.

Is this more about you wanting to be snarky and feeling accusations of racism and bullying are good hits? I suspect it is.
You reference to gangs suggests that you are just rounding up a group of people to try and make some cheap shots rather than actually reading what individuals have said.

Or you could point out where I was in anyway racist?

pmsl. Especially at use of hand wringing and Lazzer. [spectator emoticon]

Pag,

You are not in the same league as Hully. The below series of posts, though, illustrate a not very generous attitude towards the OP. To me, that kind of sarcasm is pretty harsh.

And, I still don't get what is wrong with a 3 year old describing a black person as having a "chocolate face". If a 3 year old described me as having a slightly brown face (I am not 100% white myself) I would maybe explain kindly to the child that it is because I am Jewish and "isn't it nice everyone is not the same" but I would never consider it racist or take offence.

If I were, for instance, ever to move to Japan (unlikely now..but might have happened), although my Japanese could have become pretty fluent had I worked at it, I would have been culturally out of my depth. I would have had no clue what was or what was not OK in a Japanese pre prep and I might well look to a site like this for some help. I would not expect to have the piss ripped out of me.

"But what did you say when they told you that your dd was expected to smile?

I didn't go to university so perhaps I am missing something.

But did they really say "your dd must smile" and you just said "oh, ok"

"

"Oh Paggy. I don't think you can even hope to understand. You are going to have to aceept that some things will always be out of your reach.

Have you considered the OU?"

"Isn't that spelt oww?

I may be thick but I have naturally joyful children so school holds no fear for me.
Although I rarely get my questions answered. Why is that?

"

Perhaps Larry you could contemplate that perhaps you have chosen how you wish to view the thread, rather than responding to what was written.

It is interesting that you respond to my query as to how I was racist by quoting hully and referencing her comments and then adding mine. You don't link where I responded to other posters and you chose to ignore the questions I asked to try and unpick what genuinely appeared to me to be a miscommunication.

I think you have an issue with hully. I think you saw what you wanted to. And I think that not having the good grace to admit that I said nothing that could remotely described as racist is pretty poor behaviour.

*Pag,

You are not in the same league as Hully*

Is it time for some Hymie jokes yet?

If I were, for instance, ever to move to Japan (unlikely now..but might have happened),

Oh Lazzer, I love your details.

What happened? Do you still mourn the lost opportunity in the Land of the Rising Sun?

It is true. I am a different league. I think I was also called a crony upthread.

I am losing the will to live.

Although I really didn't go to uni so maybe I genuinely am missing something.

Pag

You are not in the same league as Hully

We may see that quite a lot here and there

You will have to try harder at yer racist bullying

Isn't it time to let it go? larry, I think you are overreacting, and can't see why you think any of this was racist; (and give over with the 'funny foreigners' dig, it is no different from commenting on different usages in the US, or Australia, which wouldn't have you reacting that way - Indian English has recognised differences, and differences are one of the fascinations of language) - pagwatch and hully I do think the university digs were unkind; the OP did have a reason for mentioning her 'CV' in the relevant context - as evidence that she understood the words used. Asking whether she may not nevertheless have misunderstood the intention/tone/whatever would have been one thing, going on about 'well I can't talk about michaelangelo because I don't have an arts degree from a top university' or whatever it was, was something else.

The things you keep referring to as 'not bullying' weren't the bits that seemed, while not necessarily bullying, getting that way. Perhaps it is all tone, and the written word; ironic given the context.

I don't agree desertgril

But I am more interested in Lazzer's near miss with the Land of the Rising Sun

AND we haven't had any Hymie jokes yet

Chocolate face? Wtf?

Love how I'm now a member of Hully's gang for having the temerity to agree with her.

Oh did you miss chocolate face?

Such a pity. A great thread.