Called to a pre-prep's office to be told to "smile" when coming to school in the morning

[Natashik]

My 4-year old daughter that has just started at reception this year in one of the private schools at Wheathampstead was called to pre-prep's head office today to be told that she "has to smile when she comes to school in the morning"... How good could it be?

This was followed by a phonecall, first to me and then my husband! I thought it was an EMERGENCY... No, I was wrong. On the phone I was told to tell my daughter to smile when she comes to school in the morning at the drop-off point and not to show her preference as to whom she wants to walk with to the school's playground.

My daughter is a FOUR year old child! What does the lady on the phone understand about 4-year olds starting a big school? Should not it be them who should put a smile on my child's face at the drop-off point?

Very, very dissatisfied and disillusioned with what is thought to be a very good school in the area.

Dear Oddgirl, which school does your son go to?

I think it is a great idea (!) to use feelings boxes to help children to learn about their emotions. Denying your emotions will not help you learn how to control them. To learn how to control emotions, you need to accept and understand your feelings. And then, see what can be changed... That is a very thoughtful school.

Natashik-DD goes to Wood End school in Harpenden-the early years teachers are superb.

op if the school in question is the pre-prep to StAHS then you will not get them to change.
They notoriously feel anyone who goes there should count htemselves jolly lucky.

The admissions staff are particularly ghastly.

How bizarre

I read this thread this morning in appalled wonderment, and have re-read it again, still in amazement. My dds primary school also does what oddgirls dds school does (there's a badly constructed sentence if ever I saw one ) and she goes to a bog standard school here in NI. I have never heard the like of it!

Dear Wordfactory,

Thank you for the reply. I will try...

Dear God, get her out of there. Wtf? Your DD is a small child, what are they training her up for? Stepford?. Start looking elsewhere, it's so odd and quite honestly, worrying and offensive.

I think the fact it's a pre-prep school is completely irrelevant.

The schools approach is quite clearly not right.

I think your appointment with the Head will be interesting OP. Get ready to start your selection process again.

I know the school. I'm very surprised, as they're well known for their excellent pastoral care.

We looked round this school. During our visit, my 3 year old son got lost. The staff and girls were exceptionally kind and helpful in helping us look for him and they showed us so much empathy and kindness. I distinctly remember feeling impressed and comforted by their emotional itelligence: staff and girls.

Is it possible there's been a misunderstanding?

Obviously I was comforted by their emotional intelligence, not their itelligence.

I assume this is a single sex school and wonder if they would be asking boys to smile? As a grown-up woman who has been told to "Smile!" a lot in her life by various people that particular order from a school would f* me off no end. It smacks of a sort of old-fashioned "what ladies do" sort of thing. I amy be off the mark. But I would see how it goes tomorrow - but I would probably be looking to get her out. They called her into the head for this, and rang you both up. That's just nuts.

Dear MrsJAlfredPrufrock,

Can you imagine what I felt? I still cannot understand why this has to happen to my daughter.

I am glad you had a good first impression. I also had...

At my children's nursery, lots of children did the clingy thing at the doorway, some parents lingering, and then lingering some more. I'm not defending the school but the morning separation is something you have to conquer. When the parents finally go, the children are almost immediately fine, happy even.

Perhaps the advice to smile and to just immediately walk along the path to school (rather than lingering, waiting for a particular person presumably) is well-meaning and intended very much to ease that moring separation difficulty. Perhaps they're trying to ease her emotional difficulty rather than deny it.

Natashik - Are you entirely happy with the school, aside from this incident?

to look at it another way, i have spent my life with people telling me to cheer up cause i obviously look so miserable. perhaps they're trying to instill that in her from an early age (joking btw!)

I don't this makes any sense. And I don't derstand how the conversation could possibly have gone?

School : we expect your dd to smile when she comes into school.

Parent: but she is 4. why is smiling compulsory? What is the intention behind suggesting that she must do that?

School ......?

How did the conversation go?

I would find this deeply worrying.. My dd is also 4 and in reception in a local independent school. She loves school but is always a little reluctant in the mornings. The reception children line up (in a fashion ) and go in first. My dd always stalls at this point and the teacher greets her by name and often comes and takes her hand. By the time she is in her classroom she is all smiles. At the moment she just needs that extra attention from her teacher or TA.
If I got a call from the head to tell me my daughter HAS to smile on arrival I'd think they are completely bonkers. She's four years old and this is a big step for her.

I know which school you are referring to as my daughter goes there.

However it feels as if you are talking about a completely different school!

I cannot fault the school whatsoever, my daughter has been there since Reception and has had nothing but support and nurturing from the school. She is extremely happy and confident despite being quite a shy child. She has certainly never been told to pretend to be anything other than what she is.

For a while I would park and walk my daughter up the hill, holding her hand etc. Only when she was ready did I drop her off and let an older girl escort her. It is quite normal to do that. I was never told that she had to smile. In fact the staff used to give me a hug when she was a bit tearful (she cried the first few days) and reassure me that she would be fine.

I would speak to the Head of Pre-Prep and clarify. I honestly think that there has been a misunderstanding.

Is English your first lang OP? Do you think there may have been a misunderstanding?

Dear MrsJAlfredPrufrock,

Sorry, but I am not looking for advice about being clingy.

That is not my point. My point is that the school is making an issue out of such a small thing that it is hard for me to imagine of how they are dealing with the problems that are more serious.

I told the pre-prep's head, that she is just four and is learning and, in fact is getting better. I also said that EVERYTHING takes time and a four year old child will eventually learn. That is all.

Moreover, the "advice" the pre-prep's head gave me did not sound as such. Rather is was an instruction to obey.

Today in the morning in the car my daughter was anxious if that pre-prep's head will be out at the drop off point...

"Mummy MRS ... told me to smile in the morning. Is she there?"

How would you answer that?

How very odd! The school does have a very good reputation and I am surprised by their totally unacceptable behaviour. I hope your talk will clarify things. If not, there are plenty of other schools around here...

The staff used to hug you when your DD was tearful?!

Am guessing a typo!

This sounds like a misunderstanding to me. Arrange to have a chat with the head teacher so you can gauge exactly what's has happened and what the issue is.

Very odd. One can expect them to shake hands and make eye-contact at the door (a big topic of conversation with reception at our school) and indeed require them to be polite and exort them to be friendly but to require them to smile, and make such formal fuss about it is really odd. Are they claiming she has been sticking her tongue out? Otherwise, ludicrous.

sorry was to follygirl