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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Please please please help me

136 replies

ImFab · 16/02/2011 19:40

DS1 has just lost it big time, screaming, throwing things, etc etc. I calmed him down and got him to write what is wrong. The kids at school have been bullying him again AngrySad. DH and I were in school last week and gave him a list of who has been bullying my son and what he has had to put up with. The deputy head said he was on it and to give him until half term.

Had a nice afternoon, friends round, ds sent to bed for being rude, got up once I came home, not sure what happened but then it all kicked off. He has thrown everything around his room. Turns out they have been bullying him again. He didn't tell anyone as he said there was no point as nothing is done and he wants to die SadSadSad.

I have told him I am going into school tomorrow and I will sort this but I don't know what to do. I can't have him suffer like this anymore.

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blackeyedsusan · 16/02/2011 19:52

poor ds. going into school is a good move. tell them what he sid about nothing being done. I hope someone comes long with more advice too.

blackeyedsusan · 16/02/2011 19:53

SAId

eyetunes · 16/02/2011 19:57

Tell the school, he will not be returning until half term.

If you have already been in to the school and they are aware of the situation, then your next step IMO would be keeping him off. The school will not like it and is far more likely to take action, as they do not want to have your child absent

Keep him at home. It will only be a couple of days until half term anyway, then let the teachers put a plan of action in for when he goes back.

Original poster
ImFab · 16/02/2011 19:58

Thank you.

We mentioned how even our 7 year old doesn't bother telling the dinner ladies when something happens as they don't do anything and he wasn't having any of it. DS has just said they are more bothered about their little chats.

He has just come and asked me to tuck him in. Can't remember the last time he asked me to do that. Off to do it.

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WhatsWrongWithYou · 16/02/2011 19:58

How long has it been going on?

I always recommend moving schools tbh - miserable to have to spend all day scared someone is going to be nasty to you.

Not sure having the sort of homelife where you're sent to bed when friends are around is conducive to building confidence; I don't mean to be unkind, I know you struggle at times with behaviour/discipline (as do all of us), but I really think home is a place to feel understood, appreciated and listened to.

Original poster
ImFab · 16/02/2011 20:06

He wasn't sent to bed when friends were here! And I don't like your insinuation that I am adding to his lacking in confidence.

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WhatsWrongWithYou · 16/02/2011 20:08

Okay wrong end of the stick. I apologise.

Original poster
ImFab · 16/02/2011 20:09

Thank you

Me too, I was a bit snippy. Sorry, I am just so upset about my son.

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Original poster
ImFab · 16/02/2011 20:56

Dh is looking at different schools.

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mumteacher · 16/02/2011 20:59

Keeping him at home may give your son the impression that he can 'hide' at home when thngs get too bad. However it does seem that very little is being done at school and maybe you have to think about the long term of what all this is doing to your son's confidence. Plus he now sees school as a very negative place which is really sad.

Time to move maybe? (he's only 7 and has a long time to go (in education I mean))

Original poster
ImFab · 16/02/2011 21:04

He is 10 next month but yes, he still has a few years to go but only one more and a bit at this school. Dh and I will take them in tomorrow and ask to see the deputy and make it clear this has gone way beyond enough. I told him last week we were seriously thinking of taking him out. He said he can't guarantee nothing else would happen. I was livid and shocked but maybe I am being unfair but if they can't stop it they still aren't punishing the kids who are doing it.

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guyane · 16/02/2011 21:12

Be absolutely clear about it - bullying is not acceptable behaviour under any circumstances, no excuses are acceptable from the school - if the head can't guarantee nothing else would happen that is tantamount to an admission that s/he does not have the situation under control and does not believe it is possible to control - therefore I agree that you should keep your child at home until the school has a workable plan of action. If they don't, then move. Really, I cannot stress enough that bullying is not acceptable behaviour, no excuses. Don't put up with it. Good luck.

Original poster
ImFab · 16/02/2011 21:16

G, I just read out your post to dh and he agreed with you. We are both going in to school tomorrow.

DS is an easy target. He is not a typical boy into sports and is gentle and kind. he is getting teased because his friend is a vegetarian and because I talk funny and look different. Sad

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guyane · 16/02/2011 21:23

Excellent, both of you going in is great. Well done. Stay strong - you know what is best for your DS - there are schools out there which will be much much better Smile

Original poster
ImFab · 16/02/2011 21:27

Doesn't help that the head thinks I am highly strung and I don't think the deputy has a different opinion of me and it has dawned on me I am scared of them but this is my child and I will not have this anymore. I knew something was wrong. He doesn't get angry like that for no reason. What is the law on me taking him out, does anyone know?

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milkyway2007 · 16/02/2011 21:39

I would just like to give my opinion on this, if that's okay.

I was bullied at school - 14 years ago - and it still cuts me up when I think about what I went through. It was the worst 2 years of my life.
The fact was that I had really lovely friends who were all in a different class to me, and the teachers wouldn't move me to their class. Instead I was left with all the bullies, who made my life hell. I too, used to think about dying to get away from everything.

Everything stopped when I got to secondary school and I became confident and happy in my life again.

My teacher's never listened to me, even though they could see what was happening infront of their eyes. Even after numerous letters, they still didnt do anything to punish the bullies. My parents forgot about it and everyday my mum would pack me off into the lion's den. It really bruised me for life. I became rebellious and naughty at home to get rid of the angst. I was labelled spoilt and rude by my mum - and they had no idea that I was suffering at school.

Sorry for the long message, but to sum up I want you to know that the best thing you can do is to take your son out of that school. He has already probably suffered alot more than he is letting on.
Tell him he is not alone in this, and that it will be sorted out.
Unless you can be 150% sure that the teachers will sort out the problem, I wouldnt send him back to that school.
Does your son have any friends in his year that are in another class? Do you think him moving class would help? Discuss this with his teachers.
Poor little boy - he must be so scared. It breaks my heart to hear a child go through this.
I hope you sort it out.

guyane · 16/02/2011 21:40

Don't be afraid of the law - the bottom line in the UK is that you do not have to send your child to school - you can 'homeschool' but must show that the child is being 'educated' - check your Local Authority website for more information on school attendance and homeschooling if you're worried. But really, you have everything in your favour if your child is unhappy... Hope that helps Smile

Original poster
ImFab · 16/02/2011 21:41

I am not interested in him being moved to another class as they would get him at break time. Today they have been throwing his stuff around the class room. I am just feeling like the crappest mother in the world at the moment. I should have done something sooner.

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Original poster
ImFab · 16/02/2011 21:42

I am shattered but can't sleep. I just want to get into school and sort this out. I have 2 other kids there and I am not having this for them.

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guyane · 16/02/2011 21:44

Tomorrow it will be sorted - rest now Smile.

MarioandLuigi · 16/02/2011 21:47

Fab :(

Your DS sounds like my DS - he isnt into sports either and gets picked on but not on this scale. He said tonight that he has no friends and others see him as a 'tiny speck of nothing' I share your pain and hope that you can make it better.

Your not a shit mother.

MarioandLuigi · 16/02/2011 21:47

you're

sleepychunky · 16/02/2011 21:48

OP, phone Kidscape - they are a fantastic anti-bullying charity with a helpline for parents. Give loads of tips and advice on how to deal with the school as well as helping your DS. None of this is your fault, just as it's not your DS's fault, and the school has a duty of care to your child.
More details on Kidscape here. Really hope you get it sorted.

Jewelscatching · 16/02/2011 21:53

My daughter suffered subtle bullying from just one girl, snide comments, ganging up etc. She was in yr 5, we moved her, to steiner school fwiw, and it was the best thing ever for her!

I don't think a child should have to put up with one day of being treated that way, I hope you have some luck with the school.

Original poster
ImFab · 16/02/2011 21:53

Going to look at kidscape now, thank you.

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