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Primary education

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Original poster

Please please please help me

136 replies

ImFab · 16/02/2011 19:40

DS1 has just lost it big time, screaming, throwing things, etc etc. I calmed him down and got him to write what is wrong. The kids at school have been bullying him again AngrySad. DH and I were in school last week and gave him a list of who has been bullying my son and what he has had to put up with. The deputy head said he was on it and to give him until half term.

Had a nice afternoon, friends round, ds sent to bed for being rude, got up once I came home, not sure what happened but then it all kicked off. He has thrown everything around his room. Turns out they have been bullying him again. He didn't tell anyone as he said there was no point as nothing is done and he wants to die SadSadSad.

I have told him I am going into school tomorrow and I will sort this but I don't know what to do. I can't have him suffer like this anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 10:18

Malkuth I have sent you a PM.

OP posts:
austenreader · 17/02/2011 10:19

Where is the Headteacher?

Malkuth · 17/02/2011 10:19

And call your GP now and have them put a note on your son's file that he is being bullied. Then get a doctor's note saying he is being bullied and it is causing him great stress and distress so in effect he gets signed off like you would from work. Give the school a copy and also send one in to your LA. Many councils now have anti-bullying strategy groups set up. If you can find out who heads that up send a copy of the note to them as well as the Educational Welfare Officer (or whatever their current title is).

lukewarmmama · 17/02/2011 10:25

To be honest, I would expect to see, first and foremost, a reaction of support from the Head/D Head. They seem more concerned with defending their position. I would pursue this as per all the other excellent advice above, but also seriously think about moving schools.

Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 10:32

The D Head is also there for pastoral care. I have been told by another mother that the head doesn't believe there is bullying in the school. One parent moved her child because the school wasn't sorting it. TBH I thought it was the teacher not doing anything as she was newly qualified and I didn't think much of her but the mother said it wasn't the teachers fault so I can only assume it was the head doing nothing.

I mentioned to my DH about telling the doctor but he was non committal. I will mention it again though.

I really really appreciate all your support.

OP posts:
austenreader · 17/02/2011 10:33

Defensiveness on the part of the school was a huge factor when I was in the same situation.

Malkuth's suggestion of involving the GP is excellent but ImFab has a lot to do today if there is a meeting at 3.30 so that might have to wait until tomorrow. She needs to do some paperwork, ring round some schools and arrive at 3.30 fresh, confident and well- prepared!

So, ImFab, schedule some pampering time for yourself this afternoon.

Malkuth · 17/02/2011 10:34

Have pm'ed you. Just to add it is great that your son is able to communicate with you, be it by writing or talking.

Malkuth · 17/02/2011 10:36

The Head is an idiot if he doesn't believe there is bullying in the school. There is bullying in all walks of life. It is how it is dealt with that is the important thing. A Head denying its existence would definitely make me question whether I wanted any of my kids at that school.

Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 10:37

I am clearing out DDs room at the moment before I speak to my MIL (ex teacher) as I just can't think at the moment. I will do this though and DH was looking at different schools last night.

We only ever looked at this school before sending our children there. I don't know what to look for as I will have to tell the new school ds is being bullied but I don't want it common knowledge in case the kids at the new school see him as an easy target. Arghhhhhhhhh.

OP posts:
austenreader · 17/02/2011 10:40

'There is no bullying in this school.' Run a mile if you are ever told that!

It was said to me in the same week I had babysat for two families while the parents went to school to discuss bullying.

austenreader · 17/02/2011 10:44

It won't be common knowledge at the new school.
Arrange an appointment, preferably in school time, and use your ears and eyes. You'll know if it's a happy school.

I worried that DC might suffer same in the new school but it just didn't happen. She changed into a merry little soul almost overnight. And, because she had that happy year she discovered that that was what school should have been like all along and sailed into secondary school without looking back.

austenreader · 17/02/2011 10:52

I also noticed there were some 'escapees' from the old school when DC started at the new one.

You mentioned that others have already left. Where did they go?

Sorry. Don't answer that - go and get yourself ready for this meeting.

Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 11:31

Just had a long chat with MIL who has told me what I say at the meeting and DH is writing a letter to the head.

I just can't understand why they haven't spoken to the parents of the children and what has my son got to go through before they take this seriously.

I have told DH I need to calm down and he needs to get a bit for oomphy but it is very hard when the DHead just talks and doesn't really answer any questions.

OP posts:
austenreader · 17/02/2011 11:49

Have your own writen agenda and stick to it. Don't let the DHead feed you platitudes.

Let us know how it goes.

austenreader · 17/02/2011 11:54

If one of you makes notes that will make the D.Head jumpy......

I can't stress enough the importance of a paper trail. It will make the school nervous.

Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 11:57

Both DH and I will make notes in case either of us misses anything and he has also just emailed me a copy of a letter he has written to the Head.

I will of course let you know how it goes.

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austenreader · 17/02/2011 12:00

Best wishes.

Maryz · 17/02/2011 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 12:51

The head is a lady fyi.

He was on duty in the playground and is then teaching all day.

OP posts:
Maryz · 17/02/2011 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 13:04

I just wish I hadn't said anything this morning now. I need to get my point across without being emotional but all I can see is my son's white face telling me he wants to die Sad.

OP posts:
Maryz · 17/02/2011 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 13:12

That is how I feel. I have spoken to dh though and I think he will be more assertive today.

2 hours to go. I just want to get my kids and run away from this school.

OP posts:
RMCW · 17/02/2011 13:12

why is your son still at this awful school?

move him.

I spesk from experience.

I bitterly regret not moving my son earlier than i did.

Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 13:14

It had been low level teasing and kids picking on him and I didn't know what to do. Now it is much worse and we are very close to taking them all out. I feel sick and rubbish I haven't removed him sooner. I don't need telling Sad.

I have let my son down and i will never forgive myself for that.

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