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Primary education

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Original poster

Please please please help me

136 replies

ImFab · 16/02/2011 19:40

DS1 has just lost it big time, screaming, throwing things, etc etc. I calmed him down and got him to write what is wrong. The kids at school have been bullying him again AngrySad. DH and I were in school last week and gave him a list of who has been bullying my son and what he has had to put up with. The deputy head said he was on it and to give him until half term.

Had a nice afternoon, friends round, ds sent to bed for being rude, got up once I came home, not sure what happened but then it all kicked off. He has thrown everything around his room. Turns out they have been bullying him again. He didn't tell anyone as he said there was no point as nothing is done and he wants to die SadSadSad.

I have told him I am going into school tomorrow and I will sort this but I don't know what to do. I can't have him suffer like this anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 13:15

Funny thing is everyone thinks the school is amazing but doesn't have a good word to say about the head. Results are good but there is more to a child's education than that.

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RMCW · 17/02/2011 13:16

...oh and the HT at my sons old school told me I didnt know what bullying was.

Really?

Me: "Is locking a child in a dark toilet til they soil themselves in fright bullying?
Is getting another child to hold ds1 and repeatedly punch him in the stomach bullying?"

HT: "ah..yes. Thats bullying"

Stupid motherfucking bitch.

RMCW · 17/02/2011 13:17

imfab You could be talking about my sons old school...there is a waiting list to get in there!

OFSTED rating "outstanding". Not worth the paper its written on.

Your poor boy. You all have my sympathy.

RMCW · 17/02/2011 13:19

I felt exactly the same imfab

I wasnt getting at you, just asking, seriously, why is he still there??

Boozilla · 17/02/2011 13:19

Speaking as someone who was bullied mercilessly for a long time at my school, I wanted to say that you have NOT failed your son and that you are clearly a very caring and concerned mum. Some great advice on here about the best way to handle the meeting with the head.

My mum was there for me every step of the way, she played merry hell with the school and always said to me that if I couldn't cope she would pull me out. Somehow we saw it through together. You being there for him and being so on top of it all will mean a great deal to him.

Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 13:23

I admit to being scared of the head. She doesn't think much of me. She said my children are sensitive as if it was a bad thing.

I want to move all of them.

Don't know what to do or how to do it though.

MIL will teach them until we can get a school but it needs to be asap.

I am worried about messing them and their education up but then I never want to see my child so distressed or hear him say he wants to die again.

DH and I were both bullied at school and it only stopped when we hit back. This was secondary school and I was 14. My son is only 9.

OP posts:
Maryz · 17/02/2011 13:24

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Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 13:24

How do I get my point across without getting stroppy or crying?

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Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 13:24

The deputy has already said he can't guarantee it won't happen again.

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Maryz · 17/02/2011 13:26

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Maryz · 17/02/2011 13:30

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Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 13:30

What about the younger two though?

Some of the kids are nice enough but I feel that they don't stand a chance when they are running rings around their parents and seem in charge.

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Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 13:31

Thank you very much Maryz.

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Maryz · 17/02/2011 13:32

This reply has been deleted

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Maryz · 17/02/2011 13:33

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Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 13:35

Thank you.

I think they would be pleased to see us gone.

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mamatomany · 17/02/2011 13:38

Oh move them all, the head will do nothing, what can they do.
We had all the be nice to X talks in her class, please include her etc, the children in her class did nothing of the sort.

Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 13:46

The kids are teasing my son about stuff to do with me now as well as because he doesn't have certain things and his best friend is a boy. Some kids can be mean but I can't get my head around the fact that they just do these things and don't think they shouldn't.

OP posts:
LatteLady · 17/02/2011 14:00

ImFab - Do you have a copy of the school's bullying policy and complaints procedure? If not, call the school now and tell them that you want copies of both when you come in for your meeting this afternoon or better still ask them to email you a soft copy so you can review the bullying policy before you go into school and make sure that the school is doing what it should according to the policy.

If you are unhappy with the response that you receive from the school you can then raise a complaint about the bullying with the Chair of Governors.

There is no excuse for bullying, yes, the DH may not be able to stop it immediately but you need to know that they will deal with it effectively and mitigate against it recurring.

Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 14:09

I have a copy of the anti-bullying policy and they are failing on every part. I didn't know about the complaints procedure but think I might have seen it on the website. I will look now.

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Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 14:12

Nothing about complaints on the website.

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caughtinanet · 17/02/2011 14:12

If you can't find the complaints policy on line ask the school secretary for a copy. She will no doubt tell the head and it night concentrate minds a little.

If you feel that the deputy head is railroading you in the meeting I don't think there's anything wrong is asking for a pause to make sure your notes are complete.

Original poster
ImFab · 17/02/2011 14:14

I will bare/bear (never know which one it is) that in mind, thank you.

I am leaving shortly. Trying to stop my stomach churning but failing.

OP posts:
caughtinanet · 17/02/2011 14:19

Good luck (its bear I think Grin}

Don't be afraid to take a breath before you speak to plan what you want to say next. Make it quite clear that you are taking notes and will be happy to provide a copy afterwards. Mention the policies whereever you can, make it clear that you know what they should be doing and that you expect them to do it.

Jux · 17/02/2011 14:25

Good luck. There's very little worse than having your child tell you'd they'd like to die, I'm speaking from experience.

When dd was bullied at school the Head was intransigent, seemed to think that having a bullying policy prevented bullying. Very little was done until the main perpetrator started waiting for dd to walk home and then would grab her wrist and give her chinese burns. DH rang the school and said next time he would get the police involved. The mum of this child screamed at me in the playground (we had started collecting dd again to protect her). Nothing was done.

I took dd out of school. Then I rang the only other primary school here and they took her after that half term - she was home until then. It was all infinitely better.

Good luck. Take deep breaths.