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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

I feel like I can't trust anyone to look after my daughter.

85 replies

mummyloveslucy · 26/11/2010 23:13

Hi, my daughter isleaving her private school with she has been at since she was two and is going to be home educated until we can get her in to a decent state school.
She has SEN's and she dosn't like school and there have been several issues like them not helping her to get changed and her missing her dance lessons etc.
I always thought her teacher was very nice but just dosn't have much experience of SEN's. I trusted her to look after my dd.

When I leave her in the mornings, she's often crying but I have to leave her and trust she'll be fine once I've gone which usually she is. A mum told me that the other day, she was still crying so she went to comfort her. My daughter said "I don't know what to do". This mum then told the teacher quietly that Lucy was upset and didn't know what to do. The teacher then lent over her and said very loud and sternly "She knows perfectly well what she should be doing, when she can be bothered!" Apparently this made her even more upset.

She never tells me what's happened at school so I have to have a lot of trust in the teachers. I did really trust her but that's really shocked and upset me.

I'm now very weary of sending her to another school where I won't know the teachers or the children. I know it sounds bad, but she is a target for bullies and she can't express her feelings or explain what's happened properly. I'm now thinking that I'll probubly home ed indefinatly as I'll find it too hard to trust anyone with her. I know how rediculus that sounds but it's how I'm feeling at the moment.

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booyhoo · 26/11/2010 23:17

gosh. i am so sorry your DD has been treated like this. i have no advice for you but i know how hard it is to trust people with your dcs, i can't imagine how hard it is when your child has SEN. i hope you get soemthing sorted for her.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 26/11/2010 23:22

Thanks. I'm glad at least someone dosesn't think I'm being too rediculus.

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booyhoo · 26/11/2010 23:29

i don't think you are being ridiculous at all. we all expect our dcs to be happy and supported at school. if she needs help, she needs help. the teacher doesn't sound liek she has much patience with her. is this a SEN school or mainstream? does your DD have a TA?

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 26/11/2010 23:34

It's mainstream and she is the only child in the class with SEN's. The calss is mixed year 1 and 2. There are very advanced year 2's being taught in the same class as my little one who's 2 years behind.
She dosn't have a TA as it's private I'd have to fund it myself.

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FreudianFoxSquishedByAPouffe · 26/11/2010 23:35

Oh poor Lucy :(

I don't think it's ridiculous at all, it's a big ask of any parent to send their kids off to school 6 hours a day when you think about it.

I know you've been thinking about HE for a while now and it seems like it'll be the best thing for her :)

booyhoo · 26/11/2010 23:37

do you think you can HE? will you have to give up work? i have to be honest, if i thought i was disciplined enough to HE i would do it aswell.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 26/11/2010 23:40

Thanks, i hope so. I'm going to give it a good go and see how we get on.

She'll be doing some activities like stagecoach so she'll still get to see children her own age.

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Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 26/11/2010 23:42

I work nights and my husband's work is very flexible so we can work it out between us. I might drop a night and do 2 instead of 3 if I need to.
I suppose it'll be no different to summer holls. Only this is perminant.

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booyhoo · 26/11/2010 23:45

it sounds like you are doing the right thing. it will be reassuring to know she isn't going to be upset.scared/worried/tearful etc in the course of her education.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 26/11/2010 23:51

Thank you. I want her to develop a love of learning not a fear of it.

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savoycabbage · 27/11/2010 00:10

I remember you from two years ago when you were choosing a school for Lucy. I'm sorry it didn't work out.

I once taught in a private school and they were not 'set-up' at all for dealing with special needs children. There was one TA for three classes, reception being the oldest of the three, and she was more there for nose-wiping than educational support.

I had a special needs child in my class and I longed to tell his parents that it wasn't the right place for him, and that they should consider a state school. He just seemed bemused and there was no time for me to give him the attention that he needed.

I look my dd out of her nursery after a term and I just told her that it had finished. Like it was over I mean and we were moving on to the next thing. You could keep Lucy at home for a term to look at other options and HE her in that time.

Teacher401 · 27/11/2010 02:04

I'm confused! You have really confused me, as in one section you say that it is mainstream and then in the same post suggest that the school is private. In terms of mainstream, this is usually more set up for SEN pupils, as generally we will end up teaching more of them, so go and visit to see what you think.

As for HE, you could actually be causing more of an issue depending on your child?s level of need, as just like the private teachers, you are not a specialist in SEN provision. If you do choose to home educate, may I suggest being slightly more careful with your spelling and grammar. It could just be typing errors but you've spent 'doesn't' wrong three times.

booyhoo · 27/11/2010 02:19

and you've spelt 'spelt' as 'spent'

Saracen · 27/11/2010 03:17

It's OK booyhoo: Teacher is professionally qualified and therefore her mistakes do not indicate incompetence. This is not the same sort of mistake as that made by a mere parent. If it were, then most of the people who post on TES would be out of a job quite quickly!

Only a nonprofessional might believe that knowing and loving her child better than anyone else in the world, as well as being in a position to give the little girl all the individual attention she needs, is more significant than the spelling of 'doesn't.' Parents are hopelessly naive about such things.

It's probable that the poor child will never encounter anyone else's spelling other than her mother's. She won't have any access to books or computers during the next ten years. It's almost inevitable that she'll emerge from this so-called "education" without the ability to spell 'doesn't.' As you must realise, that will leave her quite unable to function in adulthood. Some things are best left to the professionals.

Goblinchild · 27/11/2010 04:32

I think you have made a wise move MLL, your child needs to be happy and enthusiastic before she can learn anything. HE for a while, then look around for a school that might suit her better, with a proper understanding of SN, and her needs in particular.
If you don[t find one, or the HE is going well, then keep her at home.
Teacher401, I feel you have missed the key points in the OP and focused on a detail.
For many, a MS school is seen as any school not set up to deal with specific needs. Non-specialist as it were. Rather than private and state.
I;m sure OP will be very clear about what she wants her daughter to learn, and when the time is right, it will include correct spelling.
OP, there are a lot of HEs on here, and I know you've been over to the SN board a few times.
Much help and support available.

EnnisDelMar · 27/11/2010 06:38

IGNORE Teacher401 who is clearly on some kind of freak mission here, and has nothing relevant to say (or anything kind come to think of it) and is probably not even a teacher but a sad drunken person with no one to have a go at.

I am so sorry for what's happened. The teacher in your OP sounds like my first school teacher. An absolute bitch, who fostered in me (along with her colleagues) a total terror of school which remains with me now.

You are right to remove Lucy from her 'care' and teach her yourself. I have found the teachers at our state school incredibly sympathetic and forward thinking in the most part. much different to what I grew up with.

Good luck, and trust your instincts. There are some dreadul schools and teachers out there, and standing up for your child against what is an unkind situation is what you need to do, no more, no less.

Take care x

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 27/11/2010 09:45

Thanks everyone.

Teacher401- I know my spelling is a bit abstract. I can spell quite well when I really think about it, but wasn't making much effort last night as I've just worked 3 night shifts in a row and was tired. I am also dyslecsic so I have more of an understanding of the difficulties Lucy faces. We can learn together as she gets older but at the moment, she's working on phonic sounds and recognising letters. I think I can handle that.

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Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 27/11/2010 09:47

When I said mainstream, I ment non special needs. It is a private school that dosn't take children with statements.

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FanjoForTheMincePies · 27/11/2010 09:49

You are best to remove her from that teacher, anyway, I felt upset just reading that she said that to your DD.

Goblinchild · 27/11/2010 09:49

Teacher401 is a teacher and is usually lovely and helpful. Everyone has an off moment.[smie]

FanjoForTheMincePies · 27/11/2010 09:51

i agree with Teacher in that there are schools out there that would provide much better support for a child wth SEN than her current school, and that that is an option well worth considering too.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 27/11/2010 09:54

She's probubly a bit miffed that I think I can do a better job than a teacher even though my spelling is shocking. I dont!!! BTW. I know I'll find it hard. I know I'm not a teacher. I just know my daughter better than anyone else and i can give her my 100% attention and support.

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Hullygully · 27/11/2010 09:54

Most private schools can't deal with SN. That's one thing that on the whole I'd say state definitely does better!

KnittingisbetterthanTherapy · 27/11/2010 09:55

So sorry to hear your experience OP. IME private schools are not geared up for SEN at all (and my cynical side would say that is quite deliberate ).

I'm not surprised you are feeling so vulnerable at the moment - have you been to visit your local schools? The most important thing is to try and speak to the SENCo and get an idea of how SEN is managed in the school.

A very stressful time for you .

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 27/11/2010 09:56

I'm not ruling out school either. I'll just need to be very careful which one I choose.

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