I feel like I can't trust anyone to look after my daughter.

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, my daughter isleaving her private school with she has been at since she was two and is going to be home educated until we can get her in to a decent state school.
She has SEN's and she dosn't like school and there have been several issues like them not helping her to get changed and her missing her dance lessons etc.
I always thought her teacher was very nice but just dosn't have much experience of SEN's. I trusted her to look after my dd.

When I leave her in the mornings, she's often crying but I have to leave her and trust she'll be fine once I've gone which usually she is. A mum told me that the other day, she was still crying so she went to comfort her. My daughter said "I don't know what to do". This mum then told the teacher quietly that Lucy was upset and didn't know what to do. The teacher then lent over her and said very loud and sternly "She knows perfectly well what she should be doing, when she can be bothered!" Apparently this made her even more upset.

She never tells me what's happened at school so I have to have a lot of trust in the teachers. I did really trust her but that's really shocked and upset me.

I'm now very weary of sending her to another school where I won't know the teachers or the children. I know it sounds bad, but she is a target for bullies and she can't express her feelings or explain what's happened properly. I'm now thinking that I'll probubly home ed indefinatly as I'll find it too hard to trust anyone with her. I know how rediculus that sounds but it's how I'm feeling at the moment.

I remember you from previous threads and am sorry this has happened. There are some brilliant state schools out there who can really support and nurture a child with SN, my DD has dyspraxia so I have a bit of experience. She received brilliant help in first school. The TA supported her well in class, she had sessions with the Senco, got OT and Physio from school referral with the OT visiting school to check equipment and help the teacher.

Unfortunately it is a postcode lottery and funding is less now than it was 6 years ago when DD was in reception. But I recommend going to look at as many schools as you can knowing what your DD's needs are now and see if you cam find one you feel happy with. She'll need the social interaction, as they get older a gap can form with social skills and a little extra help maybe needed with this. Again, a good school can help with this.

You might as well go ahead and try it, there are a lot of resources and people to help.
You can work on the whole child, not just the narrow academics of the problem.
You posted on SN about some other stuff you were worried about too, so HE would be a good opportunity to work towards a happy little dancer. She's still only 6 isn't she?

She wont be six until the end of Feb.

How lovely, and I'm pleased that you haven't written the idea of school off altogether. Keep us all posted on how things go please.

I'm so pleased that you have made a decision regarding Lucy's education. As others have said, don't disregard state schools altogether but take your time to investigate the ones in your area. You may find one that suits Lucy well. On the other hand you may find HE is a better fit. Good luck!

Thank you. I'll let you know how we get on. There'll probubly be a post soon from mummyloveslucy in the home ed section saying "I need to find a school NOOOOW!!" I can't take it anymore.
Watch this space.

I'm going to visit lots of schools and put her on some waiting lists in case it dosn't work out. It could take some time though.

I'm just going to use the home ed time to get to know her better, to get her up to scratch with her dressing/ independance, build her confidence and sort out her toilet training. We'll through in some maths and english every day too. but if we can reach these goals I'll be more than happy.

Really sorry it hasn't worked out and your DD has been having a hard time.

Teacher - think by mainstream the OP was talking of it being a non SN school rather than a specialised SN school, rather than a state/private thing.

OP - as you are sure to know there aregood and bad schools in all secotrors. Some state schools are well geared for SN, some are not. Some private schools are well geraed for SN, some are not. It is a case of looking around and really carefully working out what you want and how.

With private you have to fund the SN support often, esp for one to one. It isn't all easy going in state either and you do need to be prepared to work hard to get the support your DD needs, sadly TAs are often shared for the class and it is not very common to get a one to one, even with a statement in place.

HE is fine short term and may well work fine long term - you'll not know til you try it. And it does give you breathing spaceto find the right school for Lucy.

Visit lots of schools. Don't go on open days - go on a proper school day. Go on a tour, talk to teachers, talk to children if you can, ask lots of very specific questions relating to your child, read the OFSTED, google the school (it can bring up good and bad info), sift through it all and discuss it with your DH/P.

I would recommend taking your DD to the shools with you wherever possible. Watch her reactions as you go round and watch how staff and children speak to her.

And good luck.

mummyloveslucy, so sorry to hear your DD has had a horrible time at school.

But I think it's brilliant you are able to home educate her until you find a school which is right for her, and she is ready to go. You are such a lovely mum, and there is so much you have to offer your DD that her current teacher obviously can't .

And yes, ignore Teacher401's incredibly rude post; I think teaching your DD correct spellings is the least of your worries, atm. [

My experience of state school is that they are much more geared up for SEN. Teacher401 may have come across wrongly but I think the ideas were sound.

You would loose a lot of support and expertise not being in a school and your daughter would miss out on the social aspects of mainstream state education. Home education will feel safer but has its own draw backs.

I commend you for making this move (I think I remember an earlier post you wrote as the problems were becoming obvious). It gives you time to really look round and find the right school now. Talk to some school SENCO's who can really explain what help your daughter can get and how kind and helpful other children can be taught to be.

You have had an awful experience but school can also be a wonderful experience, done well. Don't write it all off just because one class teacher was an insensitive oaf

I wasn't meaning to come across as harsh, but the fact is that for SEN children they need so much support and so much specialist teaching, which actually teachers in mainstream are pretty geared up for depending on the school. I'm actually responsible for special needs in my school. The tone of my earlier post probably wasn't quite right, but it irritates me sometimes that some parents always think they can do a better job than a teacher. I've been to the hospital a few times and read various medical books, it doesn't mean that I would try to home operate on my child because I think I know what I'm doing.

I know that's an abstract exaggerated analogy, but I think the OP really needs to seek support form all the agencies of a mainstream school first. For a child with your daughters needs, she will need major support socially and if you take her out of school, she will not get this as won't have other children to mix with.

I'm sorry if I insinuated that you were drunk. The tone was way off and criticising the spelling of a dyslexic parent was obviously a big no, but you make a fair point in your last post.

How about seeing it as a breathing space for the child and parent?
So if she enters MS again with her confidence boosted and her toileting issues sorted, a bit more maturity and goes into a school that has been selected for its inclusive nature, everyone will be on a better footing?
Because at the moment everyone is not happy.

well said, teach!

I didn't know MLL was dyslexic, but I have come to accept that people post here with incorrect spelling and grammar and Pedants' corner is for the likes of me.
But I also agree with teacher 401 that it's irritating that teaching is often seen as something anyone can do with ease.

I don't think that this thread is anything to do with people thinking teaching is easy for anyone to do.

It's about removing a child from a situation in which she is being treated so poorly by her teacher that HE is pretty much the only option.

How is HE the only option? Lots of schools have spaces

Until she finds a suitable school, I meant.

Which won't be a rushed decision.

I am so glad you have decided to move Lucy from that dreadful situation. I would feel the same as you if that happened to my DD1 - in fact I have been close to HE'ing myself a few times for various reasons.

I don't think HEing is a bad move and I think you need to find the right school for Lucy, and this might take time. You don't want to put her in any school and then have to change her again. You also both need a break from it all, I think. She is still very young and even if you can't cover everything, we keep hearing it over and over that at this age it doesn't matter. She has a life of learning ahead of her.

I would actually take her out and if possible go on a week's holiday and have lots of fun together. Poor little thing has gone through so much xx

Amazing what you can find out, but how :( for your dd to be met with such hostility to her needs. Your decision is fully vindicated and I do think you should tell them exactly why you are removing her. Allow her a break and take L along to visit schools so you can see how they would approach her and win her trust. I think you will come to trust other people to care for her again. After all if she will attend Stagecoach etc independently and teachers there are often less qualified in the specifics of SN/SEN. Try not to get overprotective. I suspect you will find HE challenging but if it gets you and her over a phase when a classroom environment, discipline and strict timetable may be too much and she becomes more self confident as a result then it would be time well spent.

Having read many of your other threads about Lucy I'm sure this isn't something you've entered into lightly and a little time with a mum who so clearly loves her can't do any harm.
I would look around other schools and remember there are teachers out there who will show greater understanding of Lucy's needs. Please don't let this negative experience prevent you from getting the best for Lucy.
Good Luck

I know this sounds bureaucratic, but I wonder if it's a good idea to be out of the SEN papertrail for long. If you need outside agency help later on (hope you don't, BTW) teachers' /SENCO reports will be useful. YOu won't have these if you HE for too long.

(I'm not sure how important that all is in the great scheme of things - just a thought.)

Home-educated children with SEN

I'm not sure if Lucy received any support in her school but I know SaLt was involved ??
so SA+ rules may apply

Thx mrz - knew someone would come up with something to help mll

She'll need that.

Thanks everyone.

teacher I know I'm not a teacher and I certainly don't think any one could teach or that I could do just as good a job. That is not my opinion at all!

I just know that I can give her 1 to 1. A school teacher has about 30 children all with different needs. I understand her better than anyone else and she doesn't do well in large groups of children and can't concentrate with back ground noise. With all this in mind, I'm hoping that she'll make steady progress at home until we can find somewhere suitable.

It is the bad experiences we've had that makes me apprehensive about schools. I'm sure there are so many wonderful teachers out there who would be great for Lucy. I just need to find the right one as I don't want her to go through this again.

Lucy is really lucky that you are willing and able to HE until you find a better school, rather than having to stick her in the first available space. I bet you'll have a great Xmas, enjoy the break!