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Preteens

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Original poster

DD 12 kissing BF

101 replies

GoodThanks01 · 20/09/2024 05:34

My DD has been ‘dating’ a boy from school of the same age for a couple of weeks. She’s been acting differently lately, not in a bad way, more distracted so I looked at her phone one night whilst she was asleep. I do this regularly and she knows I do as it was an agreement to her having a phone.

Anyway, a few days ago this boy asks her for a hug which from the messages I can see she agreed to and they did. I didn’t think too much in to this but now he’s asked her for a kiss!

She responds by saying that she will next week as she wants her friend to be there when they kiss! I feel I need to talk to her about this as she’s so young!

How would you feel about this and what would you do please?!

OP posts:
kshaw · 20/09/2024 06:01

I'd just talk to her about not being pressured into something she doesn't want to do and consent etc. Kissing at 12 isn't that young. I was definitely snogging in high school!

GoodVibesHere · 20/09/2024 06:13

I think it's mean to look at her phone when she's asleep.

Illpickthatup · 20/09/2024 06:16

Kissing at that age ain't that uncommon. At least the boy has asked for consent for both the hug and the kiss.

PortiasBiscuit · 20/09/2024 06:16

You need to only look at her phone when she is aware of it. You should not be sneaking around when she is asleep.

jellybe · 20/09/2024 06:17

GoodVibesHere · 20/09/2024 06:13

I think it's mean to look at her phone when she's asleep.

No it isn't. The OP has made it clear that her DD knows she checks her phone. She isn't doing it secretly. At that age kids need their devices monitored supervised.

Op I would just have the consent talk with her, 12 isn't that young to be starting to want to kiss.

Turnups · 20/09/2024 06:29

Ignore the people saying you shouldn’t look at her phone and the ones implying that all 12-year-olds kiss boyfriends.

Now is the time to have a serious talk with her about the importance of not being pressured by boys to do anything that she doesn’t really want to do or might regret. You know what teenage boys are like but she doesn’t yet.

Moonshiners · 20/09/2024 06:33

If she wants to kiss that's OK at 12 (I kissed lots of boys at that age!). But she a) has to want to b) be able to say no.
Looking at her phone is absolutely fine and it's far worse not to look at a 12 year olds phone. It's basic parenting of a tween/young teen.

MissRachelismycoparent · 20/09/2024 06:44

Kissing is normal at 12... at least he's asked for consent!

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 20/09/2024 06:57

Oh my goodness, 12 is old to be having a first kiss! The poor lad has asked and that's good in itself. Just imagine what it must be like to be a boy nowadays, all treated as sexual predators for expressing any biological instinct. No wonder they're growing up messed up and depressed.

herofreddie · 20/09/2024 07:02

There is no way that 12 is old to be having a first kiss, that is absolute nonsense!!!!

Galdownunder · 20/09/2024 07:03

We had a no boyfriends till 16 rule which worked well for our family. DD didn’t have a boyfriend till she was 17 and almost finished high school. We believed it was safer to be at a more mature confident age before embarking on intimate relationships.

MsLaiyla · 20/09/2024 07:04

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 20/09/2024 06:57

Oh my goodness, 12 is old to be having a first kiss! The poor lad has asked and that's good in itself. Just imagine what it must be like to be a boy nowadays, all treated as sexual predators for expressing any biological instinct. No wonder they're growing up messed up and depressed.

Bizarre post. 12 isn't "old" to be having a first kiss. And if boys are messed up , it isn't because of women insisting on consent.

Skipsurvey · 20/09/2024 07:17

herofreddie · 20/09/2024 07:02

There is no way that 12 is old to be having a first kiss, that is absolute nonsense!!!!

i agree
and i would be cautious as well

PicturePlace · 20/09/2024 07:20

12 is not too young for a first kiss, I was kissing boys at that age, weren't you? 11-13 is around normal for this.

It sounds like everything is in hand, OP, no need to interfere.

arinya · 20/09/2024 07:23

12 is old to be having a first kiss?!

Our DD is 12 next week, 4 weeks in to Y7. I do not expect her to be kissing anyone yet and thankfully she hasn’t displayed any interest in it either.

Sarah2891 · 20/09/2024 07:24

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 20/09/2024 06:57

Oh my goodness, 12 is old to be having a first kiss! The poor lad has asked and that's good in itself. Just imagine what it must be like to be a boy nowadays, all treated as sexual predators for expressing any biological instinct. No wonder they're growing up messed up and depressed.

What a very weird post.
It is not old at all, that's a ridiculous thing to say.

Lincoln24 · 20/09/2024 07:29

12 is a normal age to kiss, of course it's much later for some but I remember being that age and waiting for my bff to stop snogging her boyfriend so that we could go into class, and I don't look back on that as problematic - they fancied each other, 12 year olds do. I think some posters here are a bit naive about the feelings their 12 year olds might be experiencing.

Pp advice on ensuring she understands consent is good...but be aware she might well consent at this age, and I think that's normal.

20yearrenovation · 20/09/2024 07:31

I am with @PortiasBiscuit only look at her phone when she is with you. My DC would be mortified if I had sneaked around behind their back.

12/13 is a normal age to experiment with kissing.

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 20/09/2024 07:33

Sarah2891 · 20/09/2024 07:24

What a very weird post.
It is not old at all, that's a ridiculous thing to say.

Show quote history

Weird? Because you don't share the same opinion? Sorry, didn't realise we all had to think like you.

fourelementary · 20/09/2024 07:35

The issue here isn’t the kissing but the fact she wants to do it in front of her friends surely? That reads to me like it’s for show and for status rather than actually liking the boy. So that would be the discussion needing to be had- why do something you don’t want to for show?

arinya · 20/09/2024 07:35

Tbf puberty hasn’t hit here yet

Riapia · 20/09/2024 07:42

It sounds like everything is in hand, OP, no need to interfere.

😁😁😁😁😁

Flossyts · 20/09/2024 07:45

Galdownunder · 20/09/2024 07:03

We had a no boyfriends till 16 rule which worked well for our family. DD didn’t have a boyfriend till she was 17 and almost finished high school. We believed it was safer to be at a more mature confident age before embarking on intimate relationships.

My Friends that weren’t allowed boyfriends certainly had them. They just kept them secret ( and a lot more secrets) from their parents.

dontcryformeargentina · 20/09/2024 08:11

I'd not allow my child to kiss at 12. It's too young.

Original poster
GoodThanks01 · 20/09/2024 08:52

fourelementary · 20/09/2024 07:35

The issue here isn’t the kissing but the fact she wants to do it in front of her friends surely? That reads to me like it’s for show and for status rather than actually liking the boy. So that would be the discussion needing to be had- why do something you don’t want to for show?

That’s a different perspective, thank you. I was thinking that perhaps she wanted her friend around for moral support because she was unsure. It could be either, I’ll ask her about the comment.

OP posts: