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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

Is it wrong for dd11 to wear a bikini?

80 replies

pasanda · 07/08/2015 22:58

Just got back from 2 weeks in Greece where dd wore a bikini every day all day! She is going to Florida next week with her dad who thinks that a bikini 'sexualises' her and therefore she is not allowed to wear one there.

It doesn't bother me what she wears when away with him (she in fact knows he and her stepmother won't like it so is quite happy to wear a tankini) but I am a bit Shock at how he thinks this is inappropriate.

He wants us to show a mutual front about the wearing of a bikini (i.e. not allowing it) but I argued this is impossible for me now, seeing as I have just spent 2 weeks with her in one and we also spent quite a while choosing a suitable one together.

My argument also is that she is not the one sexualising it, that thought would never cross her mind, (to her, and me, it is just an item of swim wear) … he is, by even thinking what he is thinking.

Do you allow your dd's to wear a bikini?

OP posts:
Twinkie1 · 07/08/2015 22:59

Smallest did just wears pants but eldest (15) defiantly wears a bikini. Everyone does on the continent as its bloody hot and sticky wearing a one piece.

VerityWaves · 07/08/2015 23:00

Yes I allow dd to wear a bikini she is 8. I was allowed to wear a bikini as a child I don't see anything sexual involved in it at all! Ridiculous !

RJnomore · 07/08/2015 23:01

No it isn't wrong, yes it's fine.

Says a lot about him though.

neolara · 07/08/2015 23:01

I insist my dd wears a rash vest to protect her skin. I wouldn't be keen on a bikini - too much exposed skin.

Smartiepants79 · 07/08/2015 23:02

I think I would. I'm fairly sure I did. Maybe not string bikin but a fairly practical/pretty one.
A swimsuit doesn't really give much more coverage.

Pantone312 · 07/08/2015 23:03

Yes it's fine

Yes he's a twat

Sun is GOOD. Burning is NOT.

She isn't sexualising anything. Her "sexy" bits are covered.

Repeat over and over

Smartiepants79 · 07/08/2015 23:05

The only reason my girls don't wear one at the moment is because I would have to put more suncream on them!
All the girls in the pool at the French campsite we've just been to were wearing them.

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 07/08/2015 23:12

My 10 yo wears one - it's high 30s to 40 degrees here atm. Her friends do too. Depends on the bikini I suppose, but one they can comfortably swim in and go on slides in is probably fine by default.

She wore her bikini top and her Taikwando trousers home from the pool yesterday, not quite sure how that happened. .. She looked less sweaty and flustered than I felt anyway...

I think your DD's dad is over thinking on this one and making an issue where there isn't one, assuming it's an age 11 age appropriate bikini.

Lurkedforever1 · 07/08/2015 23:14

My dd (11) has had bikinis since she was about 5/6, and had quite a few tankinis (often wore until small enough to be bikinis) before that. It's not sexual at all, anymore than it was sexual for her to be topless at 3.
My only rules are not ones flimsy enough they are impractical and spoil her fun keeping them from slipping out of place so no string ones etc.

BertrandRussell · 07/08/2015 23:21

I didn't let my dad wear a bikini until she was about 12/13ish and too old for me to stop her.

I don't like children in adult clothes, and also I noticed that girls wearing bikinis are less likely to fling themselves about in the water and play properly than girls in swimsuits.

RJnomore · 07/08/2015 23:23

She's 11! She doesn't have "sexy bits"!

BertrandRussell · 07/08/2015 23:26

I agree. So why should she wear a bikini top then?

Original poster
pasanda · 07/08/2015 23:26

Definitely not a string bikini, just a regular one from Next. Where we stayed had a water park she went to every day, bikini stayed on Smile I also have 7 yr old dt's who wear bikini's.

The thing is, she is quite self conscious about her body and has always wanted to wear a swimming costume or tankini before this year. I thought it was a great thing that she felt confident enough to want a bikini and didn't think twice about buying her one. Another reason why I was so Confused about his reasoning today.

He was quite patronising about letching men, and 'didn't I realise they were out there, everywhere and we have a duty to protect her from this.'

Confused Confused Confused

OP posts:
SchnitzelVonKrumm · 07/08/2015 23:36

Of course bikinis are sexualised, that's the whole point of them!

Pantone312 · 07/08/2015 23:38

He should be on the lookout for them then. Not fucking expecting her to katow to men leering at her by changing her clothes.

Original poster
pasanda · 07/08/2015 23:39

Not to me they're not Schnitzel. They are purely an item of swimwear.

OP posts:
Original poster
pasanda · 07/08/2015 23:40

Exactly Pantone. The weird thing is, is that they are staying in a private villa so no other men around Confused

OP posts:
SchnitzelVonKrumm · 07/08/2015 23:41

Yes, what could be more practical? Hmm

Original poster
pasanda · 07/08/2015 23:43

Nothing really…..in 38 degrees Smile Wink

OP posts:
achieve6 · 07/08/2015 23:43

Bertrand, now we're all picturing our dads in bikinis!!!

dementedpixie · 08/08/2015 00:10

dd (11) wore a bikini or tankini on holiday. easier for going to the toilet too! she didn't have skimpy ones and all the private areas were well covered

Lurkedforever1 · 08/08/2015 00:19

Only 'adult' aspect of wearing a bikini for a preteen is having the confidence in your own body to wear one, which is exactly the message I think a preteen girl, or anyone for that matter, should be getting. Not cover up your stomach either because it's a part of you that's unattractive or because it will give people the wrong idea.

MummySparkle · 08/08/2015 01:00

I say bikini fine, I was wearing one at that age - far easier for getting changed at the beach, or anywhere for that matter! Personally I'd go for one that was a crop-top style. I think one that had distinct cups could draw unwanted attention. But if she has the confidence to wear one, good on her! I wish I did. I have board shorts and a vest-too made of swimsuit fabric to wear over the top of my mum tum bikini

Original poster
pasanda · 08/08/2015 08:35

Thanks for all the comments. It has made me think even more that I can't buy into his way of thinking, so how on earth he expects us to sit down with her and present a united front on the subject I do not know.

I want her to grow into a confident woman and I celebrate the fact that she had the confidence to wear one this summer. She is self conscious of her developing breasts buds but still chose to wear one. It was a childs bikini for ages 3-16. I very much doubt she would want to wear it at the local swimming pool, but for a holiday in Greece, she felt comfortable enough to do so.

She is with him this weekend and I really hope he doesn't make her feel bad in any way about wearing a bikini in Greece Sad. She is very sensitive to the differences in our two households (longstanding issues here, for which she is receiving psychotherapy) and I know this would cause her conflict if she knew our differences of opinion. I just hope she wears a tankini with them and nothing more is said.

I read something on the teenage board about teenage dress sense and one quote stood out for me:

'She is developing her own sense of self now and all that is necessary is that she is comfortable in her own skin'.

Amen to that Smile

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 08/08/2015 10:58

I didn't let my pre teen dd wear high heels, thongs, padded bras or other specifically grown ups clothes either. Not because of "letching men" but because she was a child. Children wear children's clothes.