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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

Is it wrong for dd11 to wear a bikini?

80 replies

pasanda · 07/08/2015 22:58

Just got back from 2 weeks in Greece where dd wore a bikini every day all day! She is going to Florida next week with her dad who thinks that a bikini 'sexualises' her and therefore she is not allowed to wear one there.

It doesn't bother me what she wears when away with him (she in fact knows he and her stepmother won't like it so is quite happy to wear a tankini) but I am a bit Shock at how he thinks this is inappropriate.

He wants us to show a mutual front about the wearing of a bikini (i.e. not allowing it) but I argued this is impossible for me now, seeing as I have just spent 2 weeks with her in one and we also spent quite a while choosing a suitable one together.

My argument also is that she is not the one sexualising it, that thought would never cross her mind, (to her, and me, it is just an item of swim wear) … he is, by even thinking what he is thinking.

Do you allow your dd's to wear a bikini?

OP posts:
Original poster
pasanda · 08/08/2015 14:59

www.next.co.uk/g736054s7#686474g66

This is the bikini if anyone is interested Smile

OP posts:
Lurkedforever1 · 08/08/2015 15:30

Bertrand- dd didn't wear a bikini top at preschool age.
I'm not really getting the burning issue, whether bikini top or costume you'd still need the same factor protection for your skin type because it's not your stomach and lower back that are at most risk, it's shoulders etc which are equally exposed in either.

Micah · 08/08/2015 17:05

Lurked- your skin needs protection wherever it is. Often stomachs have never been exposed to sun so needs more protection.

Rash vests are the best option.

Children and adults but its their choice need factor 50, regardless of skin type. Doesn't matter whether you have skin that tans rather than burns, as I said above. A change in skin colour indicates sun damage. Sun damage is the cause of skin cancer.

dementedpixie · 08/08/2015 17:38

There is little difference in the protection offered by factor 30 and factor 50 so it's a rather sweeping statement to say everyone should wear factor 50.

We all used factor 30 in the Dominican Republic (2 adults and 2 children). As a pp said shoulders tend to catch the sun more than the torso and our torsos have remained quite pale. (dd and I wore bikinis and the males wore swim shorts )

CaptainHolt · 08/08/2015 17:49

DD1 used to wear a bikini top when she was little because she wanted to. She has always been very interested in her clothes. I could have said 'don't be silly, you have nothing to cover up' but I didn't want to be a twat about something that is a complete non issue.

DD2 couldn't care less but by the time we had her we were too stressed to notice if she was dressed at all.

Lurkedforever1 · 08/08/2015 19:58

That's my point Micah. Presuming you aren't roasting your shoulders then no reason to suppose anyone in a bikini would be roasting their torso. You're also way off with 'everyone needs factor 50' factor 50 just offers the same protection as factor 2 or anything else, it just lasts longer. Using a higher factor just saves reapplying as often.

Yorkshiremummyof4 · 08/08/2015 20:05

I have to admit the closest thing my daughters have got to a bikini is a tankini. They wear swimming suits most of the time. It's not something I can see allowing. Thankfully my daughters 9,6&4 don't seem to mind.

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 08/08/2015 20:16

Stomachs never being exposed to sun is rather a self fulfilling prophesy relying upon this being the first time they are wearing a bikini ... If they're running about naked in the garden or wearing a bikini (or just bikini bottoms) right from tiny toddler-hood and before, then their stomachs will have been as exposed to the sun just as often as, say, the top of their thighs (or any part that is covered by day clothes but not by a one piece swimsuit).

Micah · 08/08/2015 20:46

Someone needs to explain spf to me then. My understanding is the higher the spf the more uv it blocks. Spf 2 blocks 50% so you can stay out in the sun twice as long. Spf 50 blocks 98%. Reapplying factor 2 does not block more uv. It's not about the application frequency, you need to do that anyway.

Or do I (and my dermatologist) have it wrong?

dementedpixie · 08/08/2015 21:08

spf gives the time you can spend in the sun before burning so if you burn in 5 mins than spf 15 gives you 75 mins and spf 30 gives 150 mins, etc - this all relates to uvb rays.

There is not a lot of difference between the higher factors as to how much of the rays they block out. from online:

SPF4 filters out 75% - 25% UVB gets through

SPF10 filters out 90% - 10% UVB gets through

SPF15 filters out 93% - 7% UVB gets through

SPF25 filters out 96% - 4% UVB gets through

SPF30 filters out 97% - 3% UVB gets through

SPF50 filters out 98% of UVB rays and SPF100 99%.

dementedpixie · 08/08/2015 21:09

from spf 30 to spf 50 there is only a difference of 1% so it is negligible

dementedpixie · 08/08/2015 21:15

That is the problem with high spf - you get complacent and think you can stay out for hours without reapplying whereas you need to keep applying it frequently to get decent protection

Micah · 08/08/2015 21:16

So Spf 2 reapplied more often is not equal to spf 50, and the difference is not that sf 50 simply lasts longer, as I thought.

I will stick to spf 50 (well I actually cover up/sit in the shade rather than deal with sun cream, but for dc and when I have to go out :) ) if I could get spf 100 I'd go with that!

Feline09 · 08/08/2015 21:20

Micah why the paranoia about the sun?! I get not wanting to burn but your fear of sun damage is ridiculous.

Oh and I wore a bikini from a little girl - never wore a "rash vest" and I never burned my stomach.

finallydelurking · 08/08/2015 21:28

Mine all wore bikinis from time they were potty trained, easier to go to the toilet and you get more years out of a bikini than a one piece. I was never aware it was a contentious issue Blush

finallydelurking · 08/08/2015 21:30

Their dads never expressed any opinion on any of their items of clothing ever, so I find that odd and what's a rash vest?

Micah · 08/08/2015 21:43

It's not paranoia, it's risk management. I am very pale, covered in moles, and burn very, very quickly. I have burned sat in the shade, in the UK.

Obviously I need suncream, so I'll get the most effective I can to protect myself and Dc. I'm not going to limit their sun exposure, but why wouldn't I protect them as best I can?

Add to that my mum has skin cancer from sun exposure, and exposed me in a similar way when I was a child- sun beds to build up a "base tan" before going on holiday etc. I have had several of my moles removed for biopsy already.

Also I am trying to correct the misunderstandings such as spf 2 giving the same protection as spf 50, people thinking if their child tans easily they don't need as much or as high spf suncream- and point out that tans are nearly always talked about in positive terms, pale skin negatively.

If you think that makes me paranoid, fine :)

Hulababy · 08/08/2015 22:06

I thought all the research recently showed that once you reach spf20/30 anything above wasn't really worth it as the difference in protection was so minimal. And often factor 50 is almost paste like.

We use once a day: p20 and Ultrasun (spf 30, sometimes 20). Never burned with it.

Lurkedforever1 · 08/08/2015 22:23

No Micah the misunderstanding is assuming everyone has the same skin type as you and advising them based on that. My dds 'tan' is a hugely positive thing. She's a beautiful light brown colour. And she doesn't need sun exposure to be that way, it's completely natural. Sun just makes her a darker shade of brown. Therefore the protection she needs from the sun is very different to what somebody pale and fair like me or you or your kids need. What might well be a sensible precaution for your skin isn't a blanket rule for everyone's. Because if my dd needed spf 50, then it would follow spf 50 on a pale child is not even remotely any form of protection.

SirVixofVixHall · 08/08/2015 23:24

My daughters are 8 and ten and they wear a mix of bikinis, swimsuits, and tankinis. Elder dd won't wear bikinis in the pool as because she is flat chested the tops sometimes shift if she tries to dive, and she gets embarrassed, but she will wear one on the beach. Smaller loves bikinis whatever, but wears a one piece about half the time (we live near the beach, and so they are in full wetsuits or shorty suits often too) I had a bikini as well as a proper suit as a child, first just bottoms until about three or four, (60s) then a two piece, and at 10 or 11 I had my first bikini with a slightly more grown up looking top (this was the 70s, we all had bikinis).
The dds wear a swimsuit for school swimming.

SirVixofVixHall · 08/08/2015 23:32

Oh and we are white-as-milk celts, but my dds have only ever had the very occasional slight pinkness on cheeks or chest, they have never burned like I did as a child and teen, lying in bed bright red, painful skin, and then peeling. I rarely put suncream on them as I want them to get a decent dose of vitamin D, but I don't let them run around on the beach in swimwear until late afternoon. We never go down in the middle of the day.

ashtrayheart · 08/08/2015 23:40

My 6 year old dd wears bikinis partly because it's a lot easier to go to the toilet in!

Heartofgold25 · 09/08/2015 10:17

MICAH ~ I think it is really sad that you 'don't allow' your child to wear a bikini. Why on earth would you make such a strong stand over a bikini? What if they want wear one? On a hot day swimsuits make you feel hotter and more uncomfortable. Just because you have decided you don't want to wear one why would you insist your children also can't have them?
My children wore only bottoms for ten years to keep them cool and comfortable and now one of them is over ten she wears a tank type top. They can wear swim suits or bikinis or whatever they like. Give your children some freedom and space to choose. Talking about security when it comes to swim wear is going to make your dds very uptight at such a young age.

Heifer · 11/08/2015 12:16

I used to dislike bikinis on young children - didn't think it was suitable, but since DD has got older I actually realised what rubbish that was.. I let DD have one a couple of years ago when she was 9/10 and didn't think anything of it. If we left the beach I told her to wear a teeshirt and shorts.

Now DD is 11 and her body is changing, I wondered how I would feel about her wearing a bikini now, but tbh she looks fantastic in it. She is an confident pre teen and this is how I would like her to stay. I do not want her to think that she should be ashamed of her body. But also she needs to be respectful of others opinions so have taught her that bikiins are great for the beach but not for walking around shopping, eating at restaurants. In not an issue in this country as never warm enough :-)

Heifer · 11/08/2015 12:22

just wanted to clarify when I say DD looked fantastic in her bikini I meant in a fit, healthy kind of way. I wasn't sexualing her in any way.