I am beyond struggling

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

dc is 12 and a fucking pain in the arse

he takes the piss, winds me up, blames me for their bad behaviour, says he can't wait to move out, encourages his younger brother to be naughty, does not do as he is told, told me to shut up, said he wouldn't do his homework etc etc etc

I have had lots of advice, I felt I couldn't do if it involved outside people - and I know it is me that is not up to the job.

I have tried ignoring but I can't keep my temper all the time.

I was ill in hospital twice last week through chest pains brought on my stress

I can barely look at him

I want out and I have had enough

[LastingLight]

My dd also (generally) behaves for other people so I think that means we are doing something right!

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

Still me that needs to change then .

Never been able to block out kids arguing, tantrumming, etc like DH can.

[LastingLight]

Honestly, sometimes I get complimented on her behaviour and I think "What? Are you talking about my child?"

This is usually swiftly balanced out by a complaint from the school about books and letters lost, homework not written down, messy work...

At least with more than one dc they can sometimes play/argue with each other... mine always wants to play or argue with me or DH! I I admire people who can feed and clothe 3 kids in the mornings and get them out of the house on time. Don't think we could pull that off.

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

We certainly didn't register we were going to be outnumbered when we tried for baby number 3 wish so much baby 4 had made it too as baby 3 would be better with his sibling even though we would have been even more outnumbered!

[thinking101]

So toffee if thats what people say about your kids then you are mostly defnately a great mum. Kids try it on and push us when at home as they feel secure in their boundaries of the family home/unit.

So stop being so hard on yourself that you must be doing something wrong. Though they certainly know how to put us through our paces. You dont need to change who you are (but, as with me maybe lost a little bit of you along hte way) but like me we need to change how we respond. I think if I could stop doing the shouting and 'passionate' telling off I would feel less of a cow and have way less guilt.

• The mess thing, this stresses me, as I look arounf and it looks like I can't even keep a small house straight as a SAHM . So I totally get that. The fly thread helps me and you can see what others do/dont do and you feel less, well stressed.
  

Since last post I have booked DS into some activities and sorted out a play date. So it will be home, fed and changed and to whatever, every night this week. I will have to entertain DD whilst he is in these things but at least he is doing something healthy and will come back to me having run off all his silliness . I have also tidies kitchen dinner so feel organised for the week.

Im going to the fly thread to write my list and work on meal plan. Im goinf to try and do one nice thing every day for myself. So tomorrow it will just be to blow dry hair and stick some make-up on as Ive sat around like a pile of raggy mamas all weekend

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

I love the fact my kids feel secure. That is something I never had. But that makes me feel even more of a cow for being horrible to them by shouting at them.

Tomorrow is my first volunteering stint. eek. Bit nervous in case I get it all wrong and are rubbish but a little bit excited that it might be good and I might be good. I had a cunning plan but I think that failed when I told the lady at school what it was.

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

I'm planning on keeping a record of my strops as I think it could've hormonal as well as emotional and clinical.

[thinking101]

thats a very healthy thing to do.

I feel funny about writinf things down, yet Im happy to come oone here and rant

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

Writing's my thing

[LastingLight]

Let us know how the volunteering went!

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

3/3 out of my children have been pests this morning. DS1 was rude and refused to empty the dishwasher. I have left it for him and he will do it when I get in from picking up DC2 and 3. If he refuses I have decided I will park myself on the sofa and watch Deal or no deal . Hunger might get his backside in gear.

DD was mean to DS2 and rude to me multiple times in the car.

DS2 said he had cleaned his teeth and in the playground I discovered he hadn't. I have thrown out his Moshi monster brush and paste (I told him I would if he lied again about cleaning his teeth) and have made up a brush and paste to keep in the car for when it happens again.

Does all that sound reasonable?

In other news I have a very clean kitchen floor, have moved the table so the room looks bigger and later I will clear the counter tops. I have got most of the washing done, have cleaned the patio doors and kitchen windows and hoovered the hall way. Having a crumpet now. Leaving at 2 to do my volunteering and waiting for the boiler man due 10-12.

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

DD has lost her lap top for 3 days as she wouldn't stop.

[thinking101]

Hi toffee. Hope your first school run went well, ours did so I was pleased (savouring in fact). Just been thinking about you. I know it is not much and wont turn your DC into little monopoly playing cherubs but I though I'd post my meal plan up i abit then you can see how I double up. This is much more efficient and gives me one less thing to do when Im having 'one of those' days

The volunteering is sure to give you a fresh perspective. I look forward with huilt to when I can do something. But for now I am studying with OU to keep me going. New modules starts soon.

[LastingLight]

Sorry to hear your kids were so difficult this morning. Your consequences seem fair. My dd threw a major tantrum on Saturday, lucky for me DH handled it as they were out and I was wasting time on MN studying. This morning she was in a strop over having to put on roll-on as she doesn't like it, she would rather stink, and her friends won't mind. Sigh.

Otherwise you've been really productive, wow!

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

Just had some salad. Feeling nervous about going in to "work." I see that I have convinced myself I am away with the fairies all the time and useless when actually pre kids I was very bright and capable and could use words of more than one syllable in the right context. The other day I called the chair the fridge and I am forever getting the wrong word for things. It seems like a confidence thing and I put myself down before anyone else can.

[thinking101]

Oh know I didnt refresh, so my last post is not an appropriate response to your last post, sorry about that.

I think that all sounds reasonable, as you've done what you said re toothpaste. Have you had a chat with him what might happen if somone at school notices his smelly breath - then say its your choice and back off and see what happens??? As far as you are concerned you have educated him on how to brush, provided the brush, paste and opportunity? I know its hard to see tem messing up.

Your cleaning sounds wonderful - I say this as I know the relief I feel when Ive actually done something. I dont know why it causes me anxiety, it's not as if someone is going to knock on the door and inspect. I have relaxed my standards a bit but even still I need to a kick to whip it into shape.

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

I can imagine him saying he has no friends anyway and no one likes him so dirty teeth/smelly breath would make no difference. Both DH and I have teeth that aren't lovely and white (different reasons) and it upsets me to see my children have had similar problems (DS1 had a lot of antibiotics as a baby and no one told us they would affect his adult teeth.)

I had asked DH to do his teeth as DS2 isn't doing them right but that clearly isn't happening twice a day. DS2 either isn't doing them or just not very well. Something else I will have to do myself.

[LastingLight]

So how did it go Toffee?

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

It was great! The time went so quickly and it was easier than I thought. Turns out I am not useless after all . Only blip, I forgot to sign out as someone else had the book.

[LastingLight]

Awesome! What did you do?

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

I listened to a dozen children read. They really were so cute. And their reading was so good .

[thinking101]

Tricky little bugger re teeth. I understand, my teeth arent great and my DM has had a terrible time recently with hers.

That sounds really good re vounteerng toffee a real outlet for you and a much needed boost.

Well ay two went well for school run. I think taking them out last night to acitivty really helped as they both burned a bit of energy off.

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

DD was horrible again to DS2 in the car and threw a tantrum when he retaliated and I didn't tell him off to her satisfaction . I wish there was a way around having to get to school 20-30 minutes earlier than them going in.

DS2 wasn't happy I chucked out his Moshi monster brush and paste and I said I had warned him and he would have to pay if he wanted them replaced. Said he couldn't as Father Christmas left them. I told him lucky for him I knew the shop they came from. It is closed for a refurb at the moment though.

Missing feeling useful today. Have had a couple of occasions of wanting to cry as well and just wonder what is going on. Don't feel depressed as so much as lost and lonely. And trapped.


Definitely going to look into more volunteering and a part time paid job.

[thinking101]

Oh DD is flexing herself isnt she...When you feel better (well not stressed and rushed) would it be an idea to make a drink and snack for you both and sit for a chat, explain how she sounds and it makes you feel upset to think she behaves this way to her brother? - Just an idea to get her to reflect when you are not as harassed.

Well DS2 - tough! tough titties in fact.

What a contrast re yesterday, does this mean it is better for you to busy or away from the house...Its awful feeling trapped we in here and they all out there dong there things. Sounds like you benefit from being in an environemtn where it has a social element to it?

Dont you ever go out when DC's at school and just have a coffee/read? I often talk to people in coffee shops. Look at your week and plan your time.