Abortion @ 22 weeks

[difficultchoicem]

I'm really struggling with a decision here.

I have an appointment booked with the hospital next week for the pre-assessment and the 1st appointment to prepare for the surgical abortion.

I am financially strapped. And originally baby's father was going to help out, he has now made it clear he won't.

The information hospital has provided me with has detailed every step, which includes the likelihood (given my gestation) of foeticide. I didn't know about this before and only when she mentioned it on the phone and in the information they provided for me to read over.

That's the main issue I'm struggling with. I think if they hadn't mentioned that I wouldn't be dwelling on the morality of this. Has anyone been through this?

I already regret not dealing with this much earlier on, but things have changed dramatically.

I'm concerned about your partners behaviour . It sounds like abuse and control. He wants you to have an abortion don't do it based on how he's treating you. A baby will give you joy and happiness. Don't let him gaslight into telling you that you will be a failure and can't cope without him. You've made it this far. You're not weak. You're strong. An abortion can bring lifelong guilt and trauma (speaking as someone who had one at 8 weeks due to peri natal anxiety and lack of support). I got pregnant again from the trauma 3 months later and developed a fighting instinct to keep the baby. Don't let an abortion make alive your fighting instinct . Bring it out now. You will be okay. Tell him you're doing this with or without him.If you so choose to have a termination please have theraphy before and think of eveything you'd feel if u didn't have baby. Would you still keep him/her if partner was more supportive?

@heartbroken22 I don't think he's her partner, she says he's the baby's father and that he's threatened that he won't be involved in any way.

OP I hope you're still reading and you're considering getting urgent counselling because you're in a very painful situation. My heart goes out to you, it really does. 💔

Apologies I meant your baby's father. He does sound abusive. I'd keep my distance from him.

It's almost as if this post was written to highlight the most objectionable conditions under which a very late term abortion could take place...

www.theguardian.com/world/2024/apr/06/extreme-us-anti-abortion-group-ramps-up-lobbying-in-westminster

I mean, it's just about a late abortion for non-medical reasons. I wouldn't call it the most objectionable to the point that it's implausible.

There was a case in the last few years where a woman performed an abortion on herself in the UK due to infidelity- and that actually happened.

I can definitely imagine a woman agonising over a pregnancy if she's scared of the father, scared of being impoverished, worried about cultural shame. I'm sure it does happen, sadly.

@LadySugar It absolutely does happen but it's incredibly rare. And it's very odd for a pregnant woman who is half way through who previously wanted this baby to speak so dispassionately about it. Not to mention the rather descriptive and oddly placed 'needle to the heart'. There is an acknowledged campaign to roll back women's reproductive rights and that includes starting on the edges in forums. If the OP is genuine then she's clearly in a lot of distress because the mental and emotional gymnastics to disengage from this baby would be immense at this point in a pregnancy.

Maybe so, it's impossible to tell what's going on behind the scenes

Hi our role isn't to judge and discuss ops choices right now but in fact to help.

@difficultchoicem are you okay? It's not the same being pregnant for everyone. It's more scary, more anxiety, more depression for some but I promise you'll be okay. Why do you think you can't do it without him? You're not alone there are thousands of woman who are in your situation but make it through without a partner. Most men don't know what they're talking about or what they want when it comes to abortion. I've read a lot of experiences on here about men changing their mind once baby is in their hands.

If you terminate now you won't have again ever. If you carry on you'll have baby there and dad might come around. Is there a chance you could talk to ur employers about starting your job? Even that you'll find a new job later it's not impossible...

I'm really not sure it's a good idea for the OP to be making a decision on anything except what she wants, she mustn't take the father's feelings into consideration at the moment and wether he might come round to the idea,she needs to concentrate on what SHE wants.

Thankfully you felt not to share. Though you shared enough 😔

Good for you that you have no regrets.

I was thinking the same primarily because this was initially posted under "ethical dilemmas" which made it seem like the purpose was to have a philosophical debate about late abortion rather than to compassionately help the OP arrive at the best outcome.

OP, if you're genuine then I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It's awful the way your ex has treated you. No-one else can make this decision for you as no-one else will be impacted as much as you. you should definitely get counselling.

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor obviously it's about what op wants. It's your decision. But look at it from all angles. It was just another viewpoint that what you're feeling now is temporary. Things can change in the future. No one's asking her to wait around for him.

I just wanted to thank you all for the messages on here. Most of which have been supportive. I've spent some time reading it and wanted to spend the weekend reflecting on it.

I understood that writing such a post could potentially be triggering which is why I wanted to hear from those who have gone through with it, and why I posted in the ethical dilemmas column. I've only now noticed it's been moved.

I have had a termination before but was around 7 weeks, and don't regret that, nor felt anything about it at the time or now. It was also medical so very different to this situation. I also didn't know the process of a surgical one until now, and only after reading the pre-assessment and treatment information did I feel torn.

I am feeling very detached from the pregnancy right now, the pregnancy hasn't been easy in itself. I had high risk results for Edwards syndrome which is why I thought (and prepared myself) for it to end in a TFMR and I would feel less guilt. An amnio then confirmed no T13, T18 and T21. But this is the point where I started to feel doubts and exes reaction has added to that. I cannot explain the way I was feeling at all and it confuses me.
I know feelings can change so taking this into consideration and every day I do feel differently.

I also want to apologise if I triggered anyone as that was not my intention. Although I have gotten a lot of information from what BPAS has provided, I knew nothing about it before as it's different to what I experienced previously and did feel a bit overwhelmed by it. I'm also aware I'm up against a clock at this point.

I really don't want to bring my faith into this but I felt posting on here was easier to talk about it then with anyone in real life. I know for a what people are going to say so have kept this to myself.

I’m echoing everyone that has said that it has to be your choice and definitely take up the option of councelling - whether you think you need it or not it sounds like it could be useful, even if it just acts as a soundboard.

I also want to say that I fully understand what you are feeling and why it has come as a shock. I was in a situation where my partner made me feel as if I must get an abortion and deep inside I was conflicted. It was late term and although I had read up about it on the internet, sitting in the theatre, surrounded by the equipment and being told about the injection by the doctor completely threw me. It may also be because by that gestation you also feel movement, have a bump so there is a lot going on. I was very low and struggling to bond with the pregnancy at that point. It was just tough!

What I realised is that whatever path I chose, it would be difficult. But I had to pick the decision thst I could live. Acknowledging that having a baby is damn difficult. Having an abortion is too. There are both gains and sacrifices with both - and like you I have had a termination before 10 weeks years prior.

I hope you make the decision that works for you.