I feel like I am being pushed into having a termination and I just dont know what to do :(

[Jfg95]

Hey guys, I found out I was pregnant on Sunday and it is currently Wednesday.. Over the last few days there has been a lot of chatting and thinking going on. I currently live at home with my mum, have recently recovered from Anorexia and have EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder), ADHD and Autism. My circumstances are clearly not ideal. However my mum is completely dismissing and uninterested in how I feel as she thinks I should just have an Abortion, which I don't want, I feel to anxious to make the decision now as I cant tell how much of it will be influenced by her opinion. It doesn't feel like its my choice and it feels very disempowering, but I cant tell if I would be being unreasonable not terminating. This is too much of a big decision to make when youre full of hormones :(

So sorry to hear this :( remember it is YOUR body and whatever decision you make you will have to live with it for the rest of your life so try not to let your mum over power you.

Would you be living with your mum?
where’s the dad?
it’s ultimately your choice but you have to try and be clear headed as well
how old are you? You’ve have a very rough time emotionally and mentally

How old are you?

You need to go to a Marie Stopes urgently and discuss with an independent counsellor
https://www.msichoices.org.uk/support/

However, you need to be realistic about how you would cope with a baby/child (who will be your 24 hour responsibility for min18 years)

Is the father in the picture? Will the responsibility fall back on your mum?

It must be your decision but it must be an INFORMED decision

Good luck

Would it help you to think about it logically?

Get a pen and some paper. Start by writing all your thoughts down - no order or structure, just get down all your thoughts and feelings about it.

Then divide the page into pros and cons, write down what you can think of. There may well be more cons, that's fine - for each one, write whether it can be solved and how.

It might not make your decision for you but it could help streamline your thought processes.

Good luck.

Nobody should force you into anything. But if I’m being completely honest, I can’t say I wouldn’t feel the same if I were in your mums shoes. You have a lot going on, and living with your mum so obviously she supports you a lot. Throwing a newborn in to this must be your mums worst nightmare.
Do you actually want this baby? Are you honestly capable of looking after it, 100% with little support from your mum, and living independently? Is the father involved? To say it’s less than ideal is an understatement I think.

Go with your gut. It sounds like you would like to keep your baby, but I think seeing an independent counsellor as suggested above would be really helpful.

Lots of neurodivergent women have babies, it can be a bit more challenging from a sensory and anxiety perspective, but being ND isn't a reason not to have a baby.

You need to think about what support you have, what you're life is like and how a baby would impact that, what your finances are like. Children just get more and more expensive and demanding, and they are with you for 18+ years.

Ultimately if you don't want an abortion do not have one. What your mother wants is neither here nor there in this.

You should think reasonably about what that will mean for you in terms of living arrangements etc.. but it should still be your choice no one else's.

I’m sure your mum is just thinking about the practicalities of having a baby and worrying about how you’ll cope, especially so soon after recovering. She’s just trying to do what she thinks is best for you and she won’t have the emotional attachment you have to the pregnancy.

Do you have anyone else supporting you? Like medical professionals or social workers? If so, I’d talk to them about what support would potentially be available to you.

What you do need to do is make a dr’s appointment as quickly as possible. Not to make any arrangements you don’t want to make, but to get your health checked out and any potential medication adjustments. Your doctor can advise you on any health risks you need to be aware of then.

It’s a horrendous position for you to be in. Whatever you decide, I hope you get the support you need to do whatever is right for you.

Your mum is probably worried about how you will cope with a baby and perhaps that she will be the one stuck raising it.
She may not want a baby living in her home.

Is the father in the picture?
Speak to the professionals.

You need to think practically about this. Can you financially support yourself and your baby? Where will you live - your mum might not want you both there. Are you well enough to care for the baby and put their needs. Please give serious consideration to these questions. It's not fair to bring a baby into the world otherwise. Good luck

It's entirely up to you so definitely take advice from PPs and seek some independent advice.

I can see your mums POV, even if I don't agree with her pushing you towards termination. There is a huge chance you will have a disabled child and she is probably juts concerned about how you will cope with supporting them whilst also maintaining your own mental health.

I got pregnant at 22 when I was in my last year of uni. I was also pressured into an abortion by my parents, my bf and his family. My dad came with me to see the gp so I could get the first dose for the termination. I was in tears the whole appt and my GP (grateful to her to this day) said no. She refused to give me the pills seeing how torn over the whole thing I was.

I think you need a plan. If you want to keep this baby then you need to draw up a plan and present it to your mum. For example on my plan I had: defer my last year of uni, have the baby at 22, finish my degree at 23, full-time job at 24. Then I looked into all the government assistance I could be getting especially re childcare.

Your mum might be worried that she’ll be the one raising the baby and that you’ll be in over your head. You need to show her you’ve put some serious thought into this and just for your sake as well, having a plan in place might make you realise that keeping the baby is (or is not) an option.

If you want to have a baby you need to be fully responsible for your baby and yourself. It's not fair to have your mum look after you and a grandchild. If you're making the choice to have a child, you make the choice to be fully responsible for them. If you can't do that you should look at other options.

Sounds like she isn't prepared to be a grandmother and is putting her own needs above yours and the previous unborn baby.

www.mums-aid.org

healthforunder5s.co.uk/sections/pregnancy/help-for-young-parents/

This is always your choice, and if others are making it difficult for you to think about it calmly and clearly please seek external help (like Marie Stopes as suggested above). You need a neutral place to explore your thoughts, together with someone who can answer any questions you have. Also you’re right, the hormones will likely pull you about, good to bear this in mind.

I think it's deeper than not wanting to be a grandmother. This woman is already supporting OP, perhaps she has nothing left to give.

No one should be dictating what you do in this scenario, it’s your decision alone.

However, your mum is entitled to have healthy boundaries, which are likely to be not being stuck with a baby living in her house that she did not anticipate, and having to support yourself in additional ways with a child, and the child itself. You need to understand if you can do this independently without further placing a burden on others. Probably good to have a chat to a counsellor to see where all that sits as it must form part of your own decision making.

Yes, it's your decision but if affects other people - and you should not ignore this.

It mostly affects the child - do you have the means, the skills, the mental stability and the physical health to be a parent?

If you don't then your child is going to suffer. That's the harsh reality of it - and I am being harsh (which I will be told) but I am fed up of seeing children suffer for parent's selfish decisions.

It is also going to affect your mother - where are her choices? Do you have expectations of her help and support? What if she doesn't support you - how will you cope?

It affects us all as a society if you are unable to provide for yourself and this child financially and emotionally in the stability and security it needs to thrive.

I agree that no one should be dictating what you should do.

However, you need to think practically. Where are you going to live? Pay for the child? Father’s involvement?

Will you be able to look after the child by yourself? Are you expecting/assuming your mum will help out? Does she work? If so, she may not be able to?

Are you expecting to get a council flat? ? Are you able to live independently?

Having a baby is a life-changing experience. You’ve been through a lot recently. Are you ready or prepared for this?

@hagchic I don’t think you harsh, but realistic. The cute pictures you see on magazine covers and Facebook hide that they’re hard work, tiring, and both physically and emotionally exhausting.

I think the first step is the counselling service mentioned earlier.

It sounds as though you’re barely getting your feet under you. Considering the very real impact of pregnancy on your physical and emotional health isn’t something to brush aside. Pregnancy in itself can result in a myriad of health issues, and that’s for people who don’t have pre-existing conditions. For those that DO already have medical issues, it often exacerbates them.

Can you manage pregnancy and parenthood on your own? As your mother disagrees with you continuing the pregnancy, she’s unlikely willing to support you during or after. Make the best decision you can based on what you can manage. Don’t make a decision based on her involvement.

Hi. It is your body your choice. Make the decision that is right for you.

But I will share my experience because I think it will be relevant to you.

I also have autism and ADHD and other disabilities

When I was 20 I got pregnant and was forced into an abortion by my then partner. I deeply regretted it and became very mentally ill as a result. I carried this pain with me until I had a child 5 years later. Having my own children now, and knowing how much I struggle because of my autism and disabilities and how that has ultimately impacted my children's wellbeing, I look back on that abortion now and feel complete relief. I would have not been a good Mum back then and my child would have suffered.

Truthfully if I'm being honest if I should have kids now due to my disabilities but it is what it is. I didn't understand how much it would impact my mothering though. Having children is overwhelming and I need alot of support with it.

Also it might be worth mentioning that although your feelings are very valid, just because having a termination is a hard choice it doesn’t make it wrong. Sometimes making the right decision isn’t easy ❤️

Op I'm sorry to hear that you have had such a tough time with your mental and physical health. Throwing an unplanned pregnancy into the mix adds another layer of complexity for both you and your Mum.

Ultimately this decision is yours alone and you shouldn't be pressured either way. However you do need to consider carefully, whether you have the mental and emotional ability to parent this child in your current circumstances. You are living with your Mum and have been unwell recently, are you working? Are you in a relationship with the father? Would you be capable of being self sufficient in your own home? Have you considered childcare vs. your career? These are all things you need to work through with the help of an independent counsellor so you can make an informed choice.

I wish you all the luck, whatever choice you make.