To continue with pregnancy or not

[anonymouswriter]

I’m 7 weeks pregnant, unexpected and unplanned. Everything in life seems to be making it feel like it’s not the ‘right’ time, whether that be financially, holidays booked and paid for, partner just started new job etc.

We live in our own home, have good jobs but would have to struggle for 9 months or so on maternity leave.

I have thought about my decision for two long weeks and I’m booked in at the clinic tomorrow. I previously had an appointment but I got so emotionally during that they couldn’t go ahead with the termination.

Any advice?

It’s next august, baby is due in July. We wouldn’t be able to afford to continue paying the holiday (250 a month left) plus save for the baby, save for the holiday and live off SMP

My doctor advised me not to travel long haul with my newborn until they were 12 weeks old, they’re so fragile at that age.

I mean it can be done, but it’s not advisable.

We don’t yet as the holiday is 8 months away, but I have read online unless you’re unfit to fly they usually don’t cancel. I have even tried to rearrange and they want £1,000 upfront which is just ridiculous. It’s awful, because it adds to the financial worry that I’m stuck with in the first place x

We’ve been together 3.5 years, he is old year older than me. He has given me both pros and cons to both sides and I do completely understand why he’s finding it hard too x

Well chances are you WILL be unfit to fly - you'll have a 4 week old, or a two week old, or even a 1 week old, and possibly a c section scar etc etc.
It's entirely unreasonable of them to try and hold you to 250 a month.
IMHO.
I mean, that's the whole point of a deposit, it gives them something to hang on to to mitigate their losses if you cancel. It doesn't give them the right to carry on charging you if you have cancelled in good time for them to resell the holiday. I'm not even sure they are behaving legally here. Surely you have a right to cancel so far in advance?

Yes I really don’t think it’s legal, especially as they won’t let me rearrange either without putting another 1K fee (upfront) and on top of our original payments left to make

Post a query on this on the legal board? Or tell them you are consulting a solicitor as to the legality of their charging you, and meanwhile don't pay them.

If this was out of the way, would you want to continue the pregnancy?

£800 after everything is paid for is a decent amount. Plenty of people have raised children on less. You do seem set on abortion though. You can always have holidays later but you might not get pregnant again. Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh.

How come you don't get maternity pay, only statutory? Have you checked the policy?

Deep down you will know what’s right for you. Money comes and goes but a baby is a big decision and is forever. I not too long ago made a decision to have an abortion for various reasons and I knew deep down what was right for me. It’s still incredibly tough and I sometimes still think about it but it gets easier. I think it’s also important to remember that you still have time to make your decision You don’t have to do anything tomorrow if you’re not ready.

It's rarely the right time.
We decided to start a family at 30 because we realise that it was never going to be a good time. My DP was a uni student, we didn't own our home - things far from perfect.

We would always struggle financially with maternity leave but would make it work by saving and making cut backs.

Holidays were cancelled and we got a refund (except deposit)

Maternity leave was hard but I don't remember the nitty gritty. DD is 5 now, and I'd do it again.

The government have a new childcare scheme in the pipeline which may be beneficial (when it comes in)

You can make it work if you want to, but this is your decision and only you both can decide.
Wish you the best whatever you decide

You're unsure so don't make a decision until you feel more certain. You can wait a while but once it's done you can't take it back so you need to be more sure than not.

A child is a life long commitment. I'm struggling a bit with why this holiday is so relevant? People have to cancel holidays all the time because life happens and unexpected things crop up. If the holiday is more important than this baby then that's your choice but it seems a bit odd.

You keep saying things are impossible to overcome. But clearly they’re not. You’ve got more money than most people and it’s highly unlikely you have to pay for a holiday that you’re not taking, this far out. And even if you did you can afford it on the finances outlined. Though difficult or inconvenient, these things are all quite small in the grand scheme of things.
is it possible you’re just trying to find a ‘good enough’ ‘excuse’ to do what you’d like to do? If that’s the case you don’t need to find a good enough reason, you can just do what you want.

I'm 100% pro life of the baby.

Hi, I have unfortunately my employer only pays statutory SMP and although my partners company offers enhanced (would of hoped to do shared parental leave) as he’s only been with the company for 5 weeks he’s not entitled to that by the time the baby comes. I earn 1900 per month and I’d have to go down to £688.

It’s just because of the financial concern, we have to continue to keep paying off the holiday which we can’t afford to do on top of living off £688 a month with a baby on the way.

I wouldn't pay for the holiday then or at least cancel it?

We can’t that’s the issue, they want us to continue making payments or make a £1,186 cancellation fee upfront

I'd cancel the holiday. Refuse to pay anymore than the deposit. No way will you be medically fit to fly. Very much doubt they could make you pay for the whole thing. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

So why not just pay the £1’186 up front?

It will be miles cheaper in the long run and it sounds like you can afford it based on the spare money you have each month?

So you usually have £2000 spare every month, this will reduce to £800, that's hardly poverty stricken.
Cancel the holiday today, I wouldn't abort for the sake of £1000, you seem to be catastrophising.

Me and my partner don’t share finances. We split bills that’s it. My bills alone are 1200 currently so leaves me £680 spare to live off for the month. I can’t afford to pay £500+ in one go just before Christmas to pay this off, that’s an awful lot of money

Would your OH pay it off?

Hi OP. Is your partner the one you want to have children with? For me the main factor in my decision would be whether I wanted to be tied to him for the next 18+ years.

As for the holiday, what you are saying about cancellation doesn't sound right. Feel free to PM me and I'll have a look at the T&Cs for you if you like.

Do you earn broadly the same? A baby is a shared expense, not just yours.

You need to have a conversation about finances because a baby changes everything and you'd be putting yourself in a very vulnerable position, especially as you're not married.

But if you're not ready to be a parent, that's fine. There's no shame in admitting that.