Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To continue with pregnancy or not

71 replies

anonymouswriter · 16/11/2023 19:55

I’m 7 weeks pregnant, unexpected and unplanned. Everything in life seems to be making it feel like it’s not the ‘right’ time, whether that be financially, holidays booked and paid for, partner just started new job etc.

We live in our own home, have good jobs but would have to struggle for 9 months or so on maternity leave.

I have thought about my decision for two long weeks and I’m booked in at the clinic tomorrow. I previously had an appointment but I got so emotionally during that they couldn’t go ahead with the termination.

Any advice?

OP posts:

Mamato29192 · 16/11/2023 19:58

Only you can make that decision. There's never a right time. And you make it work

Dacadactyl · 16/11/2023 19:58

There are better and worse times to have a baby, thats for sure. But I'm not sure anyone could say it's ever 100% the right time at any point. Even the best laid plans go awry.

Original poster

anonymouswriter · 16/11/2023 20:06

It’s awful because I physically feel unable to make the decision. I see pros and cons to both sides

OP posts:

Dacadactyl · 16/11/2023 20:10

What does your bf think?

Original poster

anonymouswriter · 16/11/2023 20:15

My partner has said he agrees with whatever I decide and will support me fully. He has also said that we will make it work which either way

OP posts:

Dacadactyl · 16/11/2023 20:18

What are the pros and what are the cons?

Marshmallowtoastie · 16/11/2023 20:21

It sounds like you could make it work if you wanted to. But if you don’t want to that’s ok too. Imagine your life in 6months / a year / 5 years, then think about what may be the right decision for you. Will that holiday matter for example? If it will that’s fine too. Will you want children in the future? Will mat leave ever not be a struggle?

i am absolutely pro choice, but the fact you’re not 100% would make me pause ahead of tomorrow to be honest. You can’t take it back once you’ve done it, you need to be sure. Or at least sure enough that you can live with your decision, either way.

Original poster

anonymouswriter · 16/11/2023 20:22

Pro-
(Huge one) dream of starting a family
be able to have a family younger rather than older

Cons -
Huge financial reduction in income - concerned how we would manage (would have approx £800 to share between us after all bills)
lose 2 holidays we have part paid for (total of 3k)
no childcare help would have to be paid for again financial concern

OP posts:

fishshop · 16/11/2023 20:25

Can I ask why you can’t go on your holidays…?

like when are they?

you can still go on holiday pregnant pre 32 weeks with great travel insurance or add an infant.

GrazingSheep · 16/11/2023 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

anonymouswriter · 16/11/2023 20:29

I think you have read this wrong, my concern of course is not because of a holiday. My concern is living off SMP and financial worry

OP posts:

GrazingSheep · 16/11/2023 20:31

Thousands of people live on less.

Original poster

anonymouswriter · 16/11/2023 20:31

we would be able to go, however it is a long haul trip and the baby would only be 4 weeks old. I’m not even sure if you can take a baby away that young/can I even fly?
we also aren’t in a financial position to save for a holiday and try and save for maternity leave (as I’ll be on SMP) all in the next 7 months.

OP posts:

AngelaBB · 16/11/2023 20:40

I am not anti abortion but as you are so uncertain I think you need to think very carefully. It's never an ideal time to have a baby but you will make it work if you have to. You can do it, have your baby and enjoy it, it will all work out. Good luck,

Marshmallowtoastie · 16/11/2023 20:42

Ah op you posted about this the other day
your spare money will be reducing from £2000 a month to £800 a month.
You’re in a very privileged position if you can’t see how financially comfortable you are compared to other people.
again as I said on your other post if you do not want to have a baby now you do not need to. If you have a plan to be in a better financial position and want to wait for then, then great, do that. But i don’t think you will get the responses you’re looking for, no matter how many posts you make, if you say you can’t have a child now because it’s just not manageable with only £800 a month spare cash, after all bills and food are paid for, when clearly it is.
do whatever you are comfortable with op.

Original poster

anonymouswriter · 16/11/2023 20:46

I think I’m just so scared that it will be so hard and such a life change. I don’t feel ready to be a parent, but I also do not ‘want’ a termination. I feel i have no choice to have one because of circumstances which I know not everyone agrees with.

OP posts:

HamBone · 16/11/2023 20:52

You’d have to lose your down payment on that long haul holiday as you’re right, it wouldn’t be advisable to take such a tiny baby along.

That would free up some money though. Can I ask how old you are, OP? Personally, my decision would be different if I was in my 30’s as opposed to my 20’s.

Marshmallowtoastie · 16/11/2023 20:53

op i think the problem is that you do have a choice.
if you want an abortion you should have one for any reason or no reason other than that you want one. But It’s just factually incorrect that you have no choice and that it’s impossible to have a child on £800 spare money a month, going up to 2k a month after mat leave.
If it’s impossible to do it at the level of lifestyle you want, then that’s ok. But it’s not impossible to do it full stop.
regarding the holidays, dates can be moved, passports can be arranged. Again, if you don’t want the stress that’s fine, but it’s not impossible.

it would be a huge life change, you’re right. perhaps sit down and work out your finances, what are your outgoings, what would be your outgoings on mat leave, how much do nurseries cost near by. Can you do shared parental leave, does that help at all? What would be the cost of moving your holidays or how much of a refund can you get.
it is never ever going to be easy and I’m not sure you’re ever ‘ready’
unless you expect to be a millionaire at some point in the next few years, you’re always going to have this problem if you want children.

but still, if you don’t want a baby don’t have a baby. You don’t need to justify it with the right reasons.

Boymamaxx · 16/11/2023 20:57

Hope your okay OP 🥰

So hard to make a decision but from reading your comments, I feel like maybe being emotional in the first appointment and it being delayed is a sign having a baby now is meant to be.

Everyone is struggling with the cost of living, regardless of babies so you won't be alone. We're having a second and whilst we're not fully financially better off as with our first, we know it's short term pain for a long term gain! You're meant to be 'skint' when you have young babies and it will all work itself out in the long run, it always does!

Hope everything works out how you want it to xx

Original poster

anonymouswriter · 16/11/2023 20:57

We wouldn’t lose down payment (already paid £400) we’d be liable to continue making £250 a month payments as well according to the Travel company. So I’d have to still pay that on maternity leave on less income. I’m 27, turn 28 in 3 months time.

OP posts:

MammaTo · 16/11/2023 21:01

Oh OP it’s such a tough choice.

Myself personally I had a termination at age 23 - we still lived with parents, had okay jobs and probably could of struggled but made it work - but it wasn’t how I wanted to bring a baby into the world.

When I got pregnant at 31 we was both over the moon and knew it was right, there was no niggling doubts that we should consider termination where as at 23 we both knew it deep down.

abc56 · 16/11/2023 21:01

You can take the baby you'd just need to register them asap and then do a fast track passport. Obviously not everyone is comfortable taking a young baby but it is possible.

jolies1 · 16/11/2023 21:04

Is your holiday to a popular place? Are there any family or friends who could “buy” the holiday off you - if you have paid the deposits they could pay for the rest and change name on flight?

Sandalholidays12 · 16/11/2023 21:05

How long have you been with your partner? How old is he?

I think your partner needs to decide what he wants too. It's no good him just going with the flow. You can't send babies back once they have arrived he needs to give you reasons and be open.

heldinadream · 16/11/2023 21:09

Have you got travel insurance?

It seems really sad to have to base this decision on the fact that you're tied in to a holiday. Even if no insurance I'd be inclined to fight it, it's shit that you can't cancel for a very good reason so early on.

Best of luck OP.

Flip

1 2 3