Not ready to have baby ~ hypermesis 3rd time

[imsoscared2022]

I'm really scared. I want to die. Please be kind because I can't talk to my husband about it. He's saying you've survived it 2x before but...it's not easy and I have a 1 year old. It was an accidental pregnancy and I only found out 2 days ago that I'm 6 weeks (I'm bang on 7 weeks today). The nausea is horrific. I can't look after my 1 year old or 4 year old. Would it be wrong to terminate. I've just read on bpas and stuff. I'm scared to do it alone. I'm not ready for another child.

@ElderflowerAccordian thank you so much for sharing. I always read about people saying they managed their 3rd time better and could just do it. But again everyone's experience of hg is different. I'm sure there are those of us that know or felt like they would be in their grave soon. It's awful. Thanks for sharing I'll remember I'm not alone when I kick myself when I'm well again. Right now I feel like it's the right choice. Hopefully I will have another baby someday and if not that's okay too. I tried.

I went to the toilet and heard two loud clots falling (I assume). Honestly it feels like I've awoken from a coma. I've had a good meal and finally drank water properly. The anxiety, trembling, nausea has gone. I haven't needed to take another pill for nausea/sickness right now. Although I'm sad, I'm getting through it. If you're in the same situation praying for you. May God give you strength x

Op it is definitely your choice. I had Hyperemesis and was only 21 when I had DD and it was bad enough. If I were to have another child I'd need some savings, family support and serious understanding this time round from GPs ( just try ginger was what I got for 2 months before HG was diagnosed). Men just don't know how had HG is, its your body and your choice. I lost 2 and a half stone when pregnant with DD and although I don't regret it, I do wish I'd have known more and knew how it would affect my body

I'm so glad you're feeling better. I had terrible sickness and I only have one child. No one can understand unless they've been through it.

All the very best.

Now that I'm normal. I feel immense guilt for what I've lost. I'm so sad. I hope this passes.

I still feel guilty about the impact on dc1 of me having hg again while they were still so little and needed me more than I could ever manage when I was so sick. It's so hard to not feel guilty with hg pregnancies when you have other dc. In your OP you said you wanted to die and you weren't ready to be pregnant and go through it all again. Those feelings and your mental health are important. You matter. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the compassion that you would give anyone else going through this. You're a mum doing her absolute best that's all anyone can ask for.

Don't feel guilty, you were so so so so so ill.

Be sad, grieve but be assured there really wasn't a choice

Thank you both of you

@Fuzzyhippo how are you? I hope you're feeling better. I'd do anything to not have this feeling of losing my baby. I have anger that my family kept telling me that I was sick. Anger that my husband was not supportive. I wish I never had the termination. Im heartbroken. Maybe I could have coped with more support. But I couldn't see a way out at the time. I couldn't even think about my baby.

You couldn't. You actually couldn't. What you're feeling now is for a completely different situation which doesn't exist. You have to go through the guilt and anger. But the fact is that your children need you well. You need you well.

I'm so sorry. I know how dreadful it is.

It's ok to be angry at the unfairness but your DC needed you well enough to be present in their lives.

You were too unwell, the HG has passed and you have forgotten how dreadful you felt and it would have got worse. You would likely have ended up in hospital.

Yes you DH should have been more supportive from day 1, another issue for another time.

Grieve but you made the only choice to survive.

💐 I’m so sorry.

Your emotions are completely understandable.

I didn’t have HG but have seen how debilitating and distressing it is with friends.

You have been incredibly strong, it’s not ‘weak’ to say you can’t do it again. I wish your partner was more supportive, for your sake, and hope you find the support you need here. NO ONE should have any say or be pressurising you into a position where you compromise your own mental and physical health, and the ability of you to be with and look after your children.

I hope you find some mental headspace now to recover and be at peace with what has been a difficult decision. Hug your children close, and know your doing your best to look after all of you.

xx

I'm so sorry that you feel like that. I remember feeling very similar with my last termination, the pain of guilt was unbearable but with HG I knew I couldn't go on the way I was. Hormones are a powerful thing so take time to heal and be kind to yourself, your little ones need you to be strong for them. I managed to book an appointment for today at 6:30 but I'm dreading it, part of me hopes I'd miss the call but I feel I'm doing the right thing. My experience from last time was that it'll take a while to come to peace with what's happened, but you have to remember the reason you did it and it's what you felt was best at the time

HG is horrendous. Could you have done that again for 9 months? Even with support I couldn't have. Please be kind to yourself, HG nearly killed me and youve done what was right for you and your family

@Fuzzyhippo it's such a sad situation. When the house is quiet I keep having thoughts...for the past two days I've been trying to spend time with my parents otherwise I'd have those thoughts and cry and cry and cry...but it's okay...what's done is done...

Did the nausea go immediately? I'm scared today because I keep feeling like I'm going to be sick and I'm out of energy....

@ElderflowerAccordian I feel like I didn't handle it well because I wasn't prepared for it again...but maybe my brains not working well...I hope I will be able to combat it one day if I do get pregnant...I felt so weak and helpless...

I’m in a very similar circumstance to you but I do have support. I was feeling fine, although we were talking about either way. Then I hit week 5 and it floored me. Exactly the same as my last pregnancy and I just thought ‘this is not for me!’ I know it’s easier said than done, but please put it to the back of your mind. HG is so horrendous there was no way I was doing that again. PM if you need any support.

Also my sickness went pretty much immediately but my googling beforehand said it sometimes continues.

@ElderflowerAccordian thank you so much for replying. I'm not sure how to dm in the app but once I figured it out I will surely. I think for me I know the sickness was really bad this time around and I was having pains in my upper chest after vomiting. Last time around I ate what I wanted (fizzy drinks, sour sweets etc etc) but this time around I just couldn't eat anything. I'm just like maybe I felt so bad because I was taking the nausea medication or maybe I should have had some fizzy drinks. It just one of those things. I think I went with my instincts and I just knew I wouldn't be able to carry this baby safely to full term. But then I keep thinking how would I know? I'll just have to accept I did what was right at the time in regards to the safety of my baby and myself/my children.

It would have been nice to have a baby come January for my kids too. But I guess it wasn't meant to be. I just knew after speaking to my doctors (eat less/try ginger biscuits) and early pregnancy unit (sorry we don't deal with sickness we're here for real emergencies like miscarriage and eptopic pregnancies) that I'd be talking to a different idiot each time (very rarely would I get someone who understood me unless i went via a and e). It was too hard to deal with hyperemesis on my own. I'm just coming to terms with it that it was what it was. Hopefully I can rebuild my strength and try again in the future.

The nausea may also be hunger if you aren't eating. i find it's a vicious circle.

I’ve been in your situation and I made the same heart breaking situation. It’s like the person who made the decision wasn’t me. I couldn’t look after my DC, I was in hospital 3 times by 6 weeks pregnant for fluids and it’s damaged my organ. I know logically it was the right decision but my heart punishes me saying if we ttc again (which I’m freakin scared about) that I don’t deserve it.

Reach out to PSS (pregnancy support) charity, they are amazing and can help. I also found doctors / hospital useless and you can’t think straight or advocate for yourself in the middle of HG. I can only explain it to non HG people as the worst sickness I have ever had continually.

please be kind to yourself, it’s not your fault. It’s also classed as a termination for medical reasons which made me feel slightly better.

Thank you @Applegreenb that's exactly how I feel. I know mines was because I was ill...but it still feels like awful bad luck. This one time will heal.