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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

6 weeks medical termination today. Feeling so scared

60 replies

durdledoo · 29/11/2021 08:23

The tablets came in the post on Friday. Children (4 & 8) are off to school and dh is at home for next two days so im taking my first tablet today.

I don't want another baby but I am feeling SO guilty. It feels like it's going against every maternal instinct in my body and I just am not sure how I'll get through this.

I've had a medical termination before when I was younger and dc 1 was only 1 yo. I knew I wouldn't cope with another baby and I knew I was doing what was best for my existing child by terminating. I categorically wouldn't have managed.

This time round it's different. We can afford a baby, I would cope, my children would be happy and although I'd be tired and have to wave goodbye to my business for a while we'd manage.

I just don't want to.

This is what I'm struggling with. I could, I just don't want to. I really just don't want to. We've just got our 4 yo sleeping (and even then husband ends up in bed with her) I've just started to get my life back in regards to a successful business where I earn some money (first time I've done something for myself as I had dc 1 when I was just 19) and we just feel complete as a family of 4. It just works.

I know this is what is best for me in the long run but I made the mistake of reading a couple of threads in here where woman have regretted it or worse the medical abortion didn't work and they've had to go back weeks later to have a viable pregnancy removed surgically. I just don't think I would cope with this happening.

My head is all over the place and I'm sat here looking at the time thinking about having a price of toast in 38 minutes when the house is empty and taking that first pill and I feel awful and scared.

Not sure how anyone can help me but I needed to put it down somewhere. Dh is wonderfully supportive but will never really understand.

OP posts:
penguinwithasuitcase · 29/11/2021 08:37

One breath at a time, @durdledoo. Just keep breathing through it all–the emotions will come, and they're all valid and OK to feel.

You sound like you know what you want. Trust yourself.

And we're here - you're not alone.

newtolineofduty · 29/11/2021 08:53

Aww hun I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I know you said you feel guilty and the implication being you don't feel like you're doing what's best for baby/existing children but you ARE. If you're feeling guilty I'd try telling yourself you don't want the baby, so it's not fair to bring that baby into the world simply as a result of that hun. It's a valid reason x

Original poster
durdledoo · 29/11/2021 09:18

@penguinwithasuitcase

Thank you. Goodness I hope it doesn't haunt me. Your words of support have helped me feel less alone. Thank you

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Original poster
durdledoo · 29/11/2021 09:19

@newtolineofduty yes, I did say to myself bringing a baby into the world when it's not what I want isn't fair on either of us. It's true. I think once it's done I'll feel a bit better it's this moment of limbo.

OP posts:
newtolineofduty · 29/11/2021 09:24

Yes @durdledoo of course I can't imagine. Glad DH can be home with you xxx

penguinwithasuitcase · 29/11/2021 14:13

Just checking in, @durdledoo. No need to respond, just wanted you to know we're thinking of you.

Original poster
durdledoo · 29/11/2021 14:56

Thank you @penguinwithasuitcase

Well I took the first tablet after breakfast. I just looked at it for ages first. Once I'd taken it I felt a bit relieved.

Then I noticed someone had cleared my bank account, so spend hours online to fraud. That was fun.

Just had a big nap. All ok. Just dreading the next steps tomorrow.

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newtolineofduty · 29/11/2021 16:03

@durdledoo hope you're doing ok xxxx oh no what a horrible thing to happen on top of all this stuff xx

Mumto3ggb · 30/11/2021 10:23

@durdledoo how did you get on I hope your okay x

Original poster
durdledoo · 30/11/2021 10:27

Had a night of tears and just utter disappear.
Just had my breakfast and some ibuprofen before I tackle the next stage. Just dreading it. I think I've worked this up A LOT in my head and not helped myself so need to crack on this morning or else I'll get worse.
Thanks for asking @Mumto3ggb

OP posts:
Mumto3ggb · 30/11/2021 13:08

@durdledoo aww no I’m the same I start the process tomorrow I hope everything goes ok for you xx

Original poster
durdledoo · 30/11/2021 13:12

@Mumto3ggb

Good luck. I can't offer much assurance right now as nothing other than very light cramping. I took them at 10:45. Might need the extra 2. Was hoping it would be over by 5 when kids are back Confused

OP posts:
NynaeveSedai · 30/11/2021 13:12

You are important OP. You matter and what you want matters and you are a person, not just a mum.
It's never wrong to stop a pregnancy if you don't want to mother a child. You should not feel guilty for having wishes and dreams for yourself Flowers

Original poster
durdledoo · 30/11/2021 13:16

@NynaeveSedai

Thank you. Those words mean so much to me. I really felt them & needed to hear them

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Mumto3ggb · 30/11/2021 13:40

@durdledoo hopefully things get moving for you and it’s over soon x

Original poster
durdledoo · 30/11/2021 16:01

I had to take the extra two tablets. Maybe tmi here!

Cramping started immediately and felt like early labour.

I've got a small amount of blood on my pad (less than I would expect) but a fair amount on tissues when I wipe.

I passed (on the toilet) what felt like a clot and still have moderate cramping.

Next thing I'm going ti stress about is if it's worked. Does this sound normal?

I have kept dosed up on ibuprofen and co-codamol and still have experienced pains like eart labour but my periods are usually pretty heavy on day one and I'd say Ive lost less blood than that.

OP posts:
Mumto3ggb · 30/11/2021 16:28

@durdledoo from what I remember (I had 1 a few years ago too) there was always more when on the toilet passing clots is a good sign. I didn’t bleed much when I had to a few years ago and I was about 8 weeks. I also had a miscarriage at 6 weeks and was exactly the same was just like a period flow so with you only being early that might be why x

Original poster
durdledoo · 30/11/2021 18:09

@Mumto3ggb
Thank you. That's really reassuring. I've been so tired just managed to take a massive nap and bleeding still and a fair bit now so that's also reassured me.

I hope you're okay and everything goes okay for you tomorrow.

OP posts:
Mumto3ggb · 30/11/2021 19:15

I hope your feeling better by morning ❤️
Thank you it’s only my first tablet but I’m still scared and suffering from bad nausea 😩

Original poster
durdledoo · 30/11/2021 19:27

@Mumto3ggb I felt scared too. I think even if you're sure on what you're doing it can still feel like this huge conundrum (it did for me) but once id taken that first tablet it became a bit easier.
Make sure you try and eat something beforehand and rest up best you can. It's exhausting all of this.

OP posts:
Mumto3ggb · 30/11/2021 19:39

Yeah I know I’m definitely sure it’s what I want I have 3 children already that’s enough for me aswell as my mental health with anxiety & hopefully I’ll feel the same as you once I’ve taken the 1st tablet. I hope you get a good nights sleep tonight x

NynaeveSedai · 01/12/2021 07:03

Flowers to you both.
This shall pass and you'll feel ok again soon.

Original poster
durdledoo · 01/12/2021 09:15

Thank you @NynaeveSedai

@Mumto3ggb thinking of you today Daffodil

OP posts:
Mumto3ggb · 01/12/2021 10:21

@durdledoo thank you ❤️ How are you feeling today x

Original poster
durdledoo · 01/12/2021 18:29

@Mumto3ggb

Okay. I went shopping with my friend to distract myself then the kids have driven my bonkers since they came home from school!

How're you?

OP posts: