The tablets came in the post on Friday. Children (4 & 8) are off to school and dh is at home for next two days so im taking my first tablet today.
I don't want another baby but I am feeling SO guilty. It feels like it's going against every maternal instinct in my body and I just am not sure how I'll get through this.
I've had a medical termination before when I was younger and dc 1 was only 1 yo. I knew I wouldn't cope with another baby and I knew I was doing what was best for my existing child by terminating. I categorically wouldn't have managed.
This time round it's different. We can afford a baby, I would cope, my children would be happy and although I'd be tired and have to wave goodbye to my business for a while we'd manage.
I just don't want to.
This is what I'm struggling with. I could, I just don't want to. I really just don't want to. We've just got our 4 yo sleeping (and even then husband ends up in bed with her) I've just started to get my life back in regards to a successful business where I earn some money (first time I've done something for myself as I had dc 1 when I was just 19) and we just feel complete as a family of 4. It just works.
I know this is what is best for me in the long run but I made the mistake of reading a couple of threads in here where woman have regretted it or worse the medical abortion didn't work and they've had to go back weeks later to have a viable pregnancy removed surgically. I just don't think I would cope with this happening.
My head is all over the place and I'm sat here looking at the time thinking about having a price of toast in 38 minutes when the house is empty and taking that first pill and I feel awful and scared.
Not sure how anyone can help me but I needed to put it down somewhere. Dh is wonderfully supportive but will never really understand.