6 weeks medical termination today. Feeling so scared

[durdledoo]

The tablets came in the post on Friday. Children (4 & 8) are off to school and dh is at home for next two days so im taking my first tablet today.

I don't want another baby but I am feeling SO guilty. It feels like it's going against every maternal instinct in my body and I just am not sure how I'll get through this.

I've had a medical termination before when I was younger and dc 1 was only 1 yo. I knew I wouldn't cope with another baby and I knew I was doing what was best for my existing child by terminating. I categorically wouldn't have managed.

This time round it's different. We can afford a baby, I would cope, my children would be happy and although I'd be tired and have to wave goodbye to my business for a while we'd manage.

I just don't want to.

This is what I'm struggling with. I could, I just don't want to. I really just don't want to. We've just got our 4 yo sleeping (and even then husband ends up in bed with her) I've just started to get my life back in regards to a successful business where I earn some money (first time I've done something for myself as I had dc 1 when I was just 19) and we just feel complete as a family of 4. It just works.

I know this is what is best for me in the long run but I made the mistake of reading a couple of threads in here where woman have regretted it or worse the medical abortion didn't work and they've had to go back weeks later to have a viable pregnancy removed surgically. I just don't think I would cope with this happening.

My head is all over the place and I'm sat here looking at the time thinking about having a price of toast in 38 minutes when the house is empty and taking that first pill and I feel awful and scared.

Not sure how anyone can help me but I needed to put it down somewhere. Dh is wonderfully supportive but will never really understand.

Aww lovely I’m glad your up and around & I know the feeling mine bicker the minute they get in 😂

I’m okay just made something to eat as I haven’t eaten all day as I was sick all night. Im wanting to take my first tablet tonight but My anxiety is honestly getting the better of me

Sending love @Mumto3ggb @durdledoo you're both so brave xxx

@Mumto3ggb virtual hug. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this too :(

I found the build up to that tablet the hardest part. Sobbed all night before (took mine in the morning and was just anxious all night) and sobbed all morning on the build up.

I think it's the hardest bit but I must say the moment I'd taken it I felt a huge relief as It was just done.

Do you feel 100% sure? X

@durdledoo I think reading up story’s on google hasn’t helped. I still haven’t taken it and have told myself I will take it first thing in the morning & then the second lot Friday morning. I’m 100% sure as I’ve already got 3 children & my youngest who’s 4 has special needs I couldn’t have another x

@Mumto3ggb

I know what you mean, I did the same. I guess people are far less likely to pop online to write about how successful their termination was, right?

Honestly, mine wasn't pleasant but right now I'm so soo much happier than I was 2 days ago.

I hope you sleep better tonight

Yeah I suppose your right & I have read more good than bad. I did have a termination years ago before my 3rd child & it was the worst thing ever but I was further along about 8/9 week I think I’m only 6/7 now. The first time I had it done in hospital and honestly I was up to the toilet every 10 minutes losing clots the size of oranges I had to be took and examined and they said there was something stuck in my cervix keeping it open and that’s why it was happening, they removed it and the bleeding slowed but it was such a scary time I’m just scared the same thing happening again.

I’m so glad your feeling better and your over the worst x

@Mumto3ggb

That does sound traumatic. Did they mention whether it's more likely you'll have the same experience again? I think being earlier on makes a change. I was 6 and like I say compared to my other termination a few weeks on this was much easier. So much so I'm a tad worried it hasn't worked.

Have you been given any pain relief? I found cocodamol helped me a lot and I also took the feminax tablets (it's just ibuprofen mind you).

Well I did tell them when I had the phone consultation and she didn’t say anything and just said I’m suitable for pills to be sent out instead of coming in. I also had a miscarriage at 6 weeks just before my third child and that wasn’t bad pain and bleeding wise so I’m hoping for the same type of bleeding/pain seen as I was around the same gestation. I haven’t been given anything but I have cocodamal at home although I don’t like taking them as they make me feel spaced out. But I’ll take them If the pain is intense.

Did they give you a test to take in the next few weeks to be sure?

@Mumto3ggb

How're you?

@durdledoo I’m not bad thank you but I feel suxh a wimp cause I still haven’t taken it I just can’t shake this anxiety x

@Mumto3ggb
That's perfectly normal. Especially with what by live gone through before :(
Hope you're okay.

I’m going to take it now I’m so scared

@Mumto3ggb

You've got this. I'm here too. You're not alone. Huge virtual hug.

I was so scared too and felt just so sad (I still do, my hormones are on one) but the sooner you get it over with (as you said you were sure it's the right decision) the sooner you can start to move on from it all xx

@durdledoo thanks you’ve literally helped me so much.

I’ve literally just took it 10 minutes ago I’m shaking but feel abit relived that I’ve started xx

@Mumto3ggb

Honestly think it's the worst part. It was most certainly the hardest part for me. Try and have a hot drink and get something cosy on and just relax / get a good nights sleep.

I had a hard night of crying after that first pill and I was so exhausted the next day when I could've really used the energy.

You'll be okay

I'll keep checking on here .

@durdledoo I don’t think I could stomach a hot drink I literally haven’t had a cup of tea for over a week the thoughts of it make me feel sick 😂 hopefully I’ll be able to enjoy 1 at the weekend.

It’s definitely is an emotional time but this site has some amazing people on it that help more then they know.

I’ve had a bath and snuggled upto my quilt in bed watching junk tv 😂 I will try and keep everyone updated xx

@Mumto3ggb

Oh dear. Lived off plain pasta and toast for 1.5 weeks. I'm pleased to say that urge left rather swiftly.

Glad you've got rested up. Don't feel like you've got to update but if you need a virtual hand hold please do !

@durdledoo I love pasta & cheese & haven’t even been able to have that

Thank you it means so much

Thinking of you @Mumto3ggb .
I hope you're okay x

@durdledoo I due to start the second set but can’t bring myself to do it I’ve had cramping since the first pill. I haven’t stopped crying & feel sick to my stomach x

@Mumto3ggb

I'm really sorry you're going through this.

Are you feeling just scared of the process or more feeling sad about it?

Just terrified of the process X

@Mumto3ggb

That's really understandable. Do you have much support so you don't have to be alone?

Remember it could be a totally different story to last time and you got through last time. The sooner you start the process the sooner it'll be over.

I really hope you're okay. You can do this. You're strong.

I have my partner at home who’s been great

I really do just want this over with as I can’t deal with the nausea and being sick no more but my anxiety takes over x

@Mumto3ggb

I'm glad you've got someone there with you.

I did feel much the same but more with the first tablet. I hope you manage to take the next step soon.

I just thought the sooner I do it, the sooner it's done with.