To not tell dh about termination

[Dolphin20]

I did a hpt this evening and it was positive. I've been worried since dh and I last had sex and the condom split. The following day I took the morning after pill but obviously it failed, most likely because it was around ovulation days. I definitely do not want to have another child as I'm 44 and already have 3 children. My last pregnancy (I was already in my 40's) has taken its toll on me and I couldn't possibly go through that again, so I've decided I will terminate. My dh knows about the morning after pill but he's not aware that it failed. I know he is against abortions except for cases like rape or mother's life at risk. We usually don't keep secrets but this is going to be very difficult as it is and if I can't have his support, I prefer to go through it on my own.
Do you think I'm being unreasonable and should tell him?

It’s your right to do it with or without his consent

I can’t imagine being married and sharing a bed with someone who wouldn’t support my decision in this

Your health comes first... surely?

Oh bless you,this must be a really hard situation to be in. At the end of the day op, I strongly believe it's your body, your choice. If you can't go through pregnancy again or don't want to for whatever reason, then don't.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I worry it could linger over you afterwards by keeping it secret. However, I'd hope that if you did tell him then he would support and respect your decision!

Here for a hand hold through whatever you decide to do

I don't think you should tell him, and I don't think you have any obligation to do so. It is very unfortunate that he would not support you in this. After you recover, perhaps talk to him about having a vasectomy. You don't want to have to endure this again.

I think it would be very, very hard to keep that secret.

You know him well - if you know that he wouldn't support you, do it alone and never tell him. I have a similar secret from DH and it is entirely possible to do this. Best wishes with whatever you decide to do.

Not his circus, not his monkeys. If he is not kind enough to understand it’s a choice women should be able to make, you don’t need to be kind enough to let him know.

It’s hard to keep, do whatever you need to do , get him to have vasectomy.

It's completely your right to have one or not, but could you keep that secret and not have it eating away at you inside

That's a very hard decision because it's his baby too. But ultimately if you are going to go through with it regardless of anything he could say, I think it would be kinder on him not to know what he's lost. What you're going through is hard and will get harder. I feel for you. It's an awful situation you find yourself in so be kind to yourself in the future. I wish you all the best.

He has a right to know. He’s your husband so he should support you in whatever you want to do.
He might understand

He doesn't have a right to know if he is going to be unsupportive.
It will be hard to keep that a secret but in the end it's your body and your decision. I can't imagine living with someone who wouldn't put my health and well being first.

I think it’s fine to make a decision on the basis that it’s the right decision for your entire family. Him knowing will cause a lot of heartache and hurt that could be avoided. In this instance I think it’s fine to keep it private and not tell your DH.

If you feel like you don't want to tell him then don't. I don't know if you've had an abortion before but for a lot of people they don't feel like it's such a sad event and actually feel relieved after.
It depends how you feel about abortions and what they mean to you. They're not always the life changing things people assume them to be and it can be a secret you can keep so easily that you even forget about it after a while.
This is your body and your choice. If you want to do this and you don't think telling your husband will be a good step, then you don't have to. Best of luck.

YANBU.
Have the termination.
Don't tell him.
He doesn't sound that nice or understanding anyway.

Sorry you're in this situation. Your body, your choice. You don't have to tell him but if worry about you keeping that secret to yourself, do you have a friend/ other family member you trust enough to tell them and at least have their support?

*I worry, not if worry

You should tell him. He has every right to know. Obviously it should not affect your decision

I know he is against abortions except for cases like rape or mother's life at risk

So he is anti women then? Anti women having sex for fun, and not actually pro foetus as a lot of "pro lifers" (forced birthers are)

I could not be with someone so anti women

Sorry to be brutal while you are going through something when you should have your partners support.

@SudokuZebra

I'm very sorry you're in such a difficult situation OP. I would warn you to think very carefully about termination, as I had one in April and it has destroyed my mental health. I rushed into it in panic, so my main advice going forwards, is not to rush into anything in panic until you are 10000% sure of your decision.

Are you able to get some independent counselling at all ? Wishing you all the best xx

I definitely do not want to have another child as I'm 44 and already have 3 children. My last pregnancy (I was already in my 40's) has taken its toll on me and I couldn't possibly go through that again, so I've decided I will terminate.

Op is clear she doesn't want another child, i wouldn't either in her situation. Your mental health is not relevant to her

@UsedUpUsername

You should tell him. He has every right to know. Obviously it should not affect your decision

If op believes he will try and stop her, then she should not tell him until after the termination, if at all

Was he accepting of the morning after pill? Do he fully understand how it works? If the egg has already fertilised then it flushes it out, along the same lines as a termination. I personally think if you're 100% sure then go ahead without telling him, you don't need his permission and if his opinion doesn't sway your decision and he's happy for you to take the morning after pill then I would have the termination personally

No way could I keep a secret from my DH, especially one like that. I would have to tell him. But do what’s right for you OP, have you got anyone in RL who can support you? Good luck with your decision.